Psychopaths Are Boring. We Are Fascinating.


Psychopaths are boring. We are fascinating.

How do we know this is true?

They’re in constant pursuit of us, while we try to do everything we can to stay away from them.

They have to play games with us because they have nothing real to offer. They know that if they show us who they really are, we won’t want anything to do with them.

They don’t pursue each other, because other psychopaths are boring to them. They only want us (unfortunately). Only we are fun and exciting. Only we can fulfill their needs.


Without us, they have nothing. The moment their involvement with one of us ends, they have to have another one of us. They even line us up in advance, or have a bunch of us at once. They can’t live without us!

They say they hate us,  yet they can’t stay away from us.

They’re amazed at all the emotions we feel. They like to play with them because they’re so interesting — because we’re so interesting! Fascinating, really! They’re obsessed with us.


They suffer from maddening, intolerable boredom without us. They have nothing worthwhile to do without us. They have nothing worthwhile to do with us, either, but that’s beside the point.

They hide themselves behind a mask designed to look like us, because without it they’re fundamentally boring and they know it.

When their charade goes to hell in a hand-basket, which it always does, there’s nothing left.


In order to be interesting, they have to pretend to be like us.

Enough said.

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“Such a great gem. One of my favorite books about this subject as the author paints such a clear picture of what these relationships are like.”

“Practical, concise, well-written and researched. Everyone should have a copy of this book. In fact, they should give one to every high school student. That would prevent a lot of people from getting involved in ‘?relationships’? with these hidden, manipulative predators. An easy five stars, I wish I could give it a hundred!”

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35 thoughts on “Psychopaths Are Boring. We Are Fascinating.”

  1. It’s true they suck

    1. An opinion, nothing more, nothing less.

      Looks to me like someone has a very narrow minded view on psychopaths. It is almost as if they’re jealous of who they are and their composure to the point that they felt the need to say this so they have a sense of security. Though I am not a psychopath, even I can tell when someone is scorned by someone who did that for emotional stability. To justify the oppressors actions they came to the conclusion that they are a psychopath so as not to face the reality that some people are just that cruel and the condition causing it is not psychopathy but humanity.

      1. Adelyn Birch

        Dr. Freud? Is that really you? Thanks for dropping by, I’m a huge fan! Please don’t let the door hit you on your way out, OK?

      2. Depressedempath

        Its called projection.

        1. Adelyn Birch


          1. Chameleon

            Everything that a psychopath does is based on control, my wife calls it an energy hog. Basically sucking the things that make you human away, trying to harness what you have emotionally because the psychopath truly doesn’t possess those qualities.

            1. Adelyn Birch

              Try as you might, you will never get what you want; all you’ll end up with is a wife who’s damaged by your actions. Last I heard, the purpose of a relationship wasn’t to suck away what makes your partner human. Having the need to diminish someone for your own possible gain is the height of selfishness and disregard. The ability to intellectualize and disclose your behavior doesn’t make it acceptable or harmless. You’re still an emotional vampire who will harm anyone you get close to. It’s a shame you aren’t able to care about that. Greed and envy are not the basis for a relationship; they’re the basis of a pathological, parasitical victimization. Your wife should be here, not you. I do not care to continue this conversation.

      3. Princess

        Well now you’ve exposed yourself even a little bit more… Must be frustrating Dr. Freud

        1. Adelyn Birch

          Yes, it must be frustrating…

          Sometimes a cigar ISN’T just a cigar… it’s a PSYCHOPATH

  2. Dee Arzola

    God I love you!!!

  3. H_rose

    This is so true! A friend and I were talking about this yesterday (we have both had relationship with sociopaths). One of the things we concluded too, is that they resent our effort toward real meaning. They use gas lighting to throw us off any track while we’re with them, toward meaning or understanding, understanding what on earth it is that happens while we are with them, but once we’re truly out of relationship with them, we can start to make ‘sense’ of their non coherence, their ‘non sense’. I hope that’s not too abstract!

    Anyway, yes, for the above (P’s are BORING), well said and shared. Thank you!

  4. Jackie

    BAbsolutely, fundamentally spot on. Once you are free. You can actually laugh at their attempts to further manipulate you. Because you know in your bones how dull and empty they are. Yet as you’ve said a million times. They are incapable of learning, growing or maturing in any real sense. ? which means they play to the “old” you. No conception of someone moving on.
    We work at the same place.
    Mindfulness and meditation ..I hope this can help others too.. Because there’s a great feeling of personal power when you can have them stood a foot away from you. Staring down. And the only thing you can think is “irrelevant”.
    We all know they’ve absolutely nothing of any value to offer.
    May every one effected here find happiness.
    Laughing at them is the only time they are ever going to make us laugh.
    Should this also be a red flag? Or have others had a different experience?
    I’m lucky I know because he can’t attack me in work, doesn’t drive and is too lazy to travel. What a catch!
    I appreciate others are in a much more physically risky scenario. I’m not trying to make light of your situations.
    Just sharing a bit of hope and good news.

    We are adorable fascinating funny and worthy little souls. Let’s shine ?

    1. Adelyn Birch

      IRRELEVANT! That’s the same word I use!

      Let’s Shine!

    2. Linda

      My new name for him: Irrelevant! Love it – thank you for the good laugh! And I will hapily accept the title of “Adorable, Fascinating, Funny and Worthy!” Shining!!

  5. Sole

    Love this! Made my day to read this, and just coming out of a 15 year relationship with a sociopath, I needed to see this positive perspective. Thank you!

  6. Linda

    This is a different take on those predators, and it’s so true! When I was dazzled by his love-bombing I thought he was fascinating and “special”; when he turned cruel and cold, playing the Intermittent Reinforcement game, I took another look and realized that he was shallow and manipulative … and yes, boring! Behind the seductive magician’s mask is… nothing. An immitation of our “soul mate”. A sham.

    1. Adelyn Birch

      Well said, Linda!

  7. BetterBe Anon

    Ha! Just ha!

    And what a great song! That is my new theme song for the P!


    Love this line of yours, ‘They’re in constant pursuit of us, while we try to do everything we can to stay away from them’

    I shall hum the chorus from this song inside when I next see the P.

    Ha! And I’ve discovered Beck too. Bonus!

    1. Adelyn Birch

      Think of this song, and blog post, next time you see him. You’ll have all the power you need, which you’ve actually had all along.

      1. Adelyn Birch

        Glad you’ve discovered Beck. Bonus!

  8. ItsAboutTime

    “voices of evil in a Bozo nightmare” gotta love beck for that line if nothing else!

    Thanks for the snort-laugh. I needed one.

    1. Adelyn Birch

      A good snort-laugh is priceless.

      That’s the line that stands out for me, too.

  9. lola

    In the beginning of my relationship with the psychopath, I was enthralled. He was so exciting, carefree and took me on many excursions and adventures ( I was the envy of my friends because I had found an exciting new boyfriend). After the breakup, I saw him doing the very same things and taking women to the very same places! He’s really just a one trick phony pony. If I’m honest, after about a year, I was bored, but I stayed in the relationship hoping to get back some of that initial euphoria and excitement. I never did.

    As empty vessels, psychopaths have nothing to offer, I realized that I had been the one who did ALL of the giving. He happily lapped up my generosity while providing nothing but empty gestures and promises. As long as I gave and gave and gave, he stayed. So, when I finally left him, he was very angry because he wasn’t quite finished with me ( that’s when I saw the monster, in all his glory). He wanted more of my resources and he needed me to play his favorite game: Triangulation. As long as you are of use to a psychopath, he will bleed you, until there is nothing left. Thankfully, I got out alive.

    1. Adelyn Birch

      I’m so glad you got out alive, Lola. Most of us see the “monster” behind the mask eventually, and I think most of us come to realize that the euphoria, etc., never really ‘went anywhere.’ What I mean is there’s no depth, no substance to them; no real intimacy can ever develop. They disguise all of this with drama, designed to keep us around until they’ve drained every drop, as you said. It’s kind of sad, actually. It’s not their fault they have nothing real to offer, but at the same time, what they do is so damaging to us. We’re the ones who suffer from their disorder, not them.

      I think the whole thing is made to seem much more complex than it is, and it seems so complex to us at first. I know it did to me! It’s actually quite simple — these people are born without a conscience or the ability to love, so they put on an act to deceive us, and they’re unable to care about how it affects us, and then they can’t keep up their act and it all falls apart. That’s the whole story, right there. After the artificial, manufactured bond breaks, this is what we’re left seeing. Any of us who’ve gotten to this point realize they weren’t even that good at what they did; we see all the holes and the phoniness in hindsight, and it seems cheesy and ridiculous, actually. The only advantage they had was our naivete about them.

      We were always the ones with the power, and that’s what this blog post is about. It was only sleight-of-hand that made it seem otherwise. We always had it and we always will have it. They will only ever have the power they ‘steal’ or are handed, and it can so easily be taken back. They don’t even have to know about it; all it takes is a realization.

      1. lola

        Ahh – I love that. Yes, like Dorothy in the Wizard of OZ, we always had the power!

        Now that I think about it, Psychopaths don’t just need us, they are dependent on us. We are as essential to them as food, water and air, which means we are essentially their poison ( not the other way around). They never loved us and actually hated us, so they consumed what they hated. In the end, because we have the power, when we leave, they end up with what they started out with: dreadfully boring nothingness!

        “Nothin’ from nothin’ leaves nothin’, you’ve gotta have something, if you want t be with me! : )

        1. Adelyn Birch

          Like Dorothy, yes.

          I tend to think of them as parasites, and us as their only possible hosts.

          That’s a perfect theme song!

  10. lola

    Also, is this post on your regular Blog? I received notifications of 2 new articles, but I don’t know where to find them.

    1. Adelyn Birch

      Yes, all the posts are on the blog. The newest ones start after the five “sticky posts” that are always stuck to the top of the blog page. Sorry it’s confusing.

      1. lola

        Oh yes, I see them now! Thank you. I love these posts! The information is very helpful.

        1. Adelyn Birch

          OK, good. I’m glad you find them helpful!

  11. Totallybel

    Yeah, that’s exactly it. Boring, oh so boring. Mine in the early days used to tell me ( I was always told) that so and so would be trying to contact him at home, but he was never there, always out, he said he must have a great life, always out, there would always be a third party too that was saying these things. He couldn’t take responsibility for the words he said, of course he couldn’t they are always lies, just words they want you to believe. He was so worried anyone would think he was boring, I suppose the anyone was only me. They are just nothingness, boring parasites of nothingness. We have such fun and conversations about everything now. Ye hit the nail on the head there Adelyn Birch, thank you. And check out toy story 3 and psycho teddy, hilarious, they’re being exposed everywhere.

    1. Adelyn Birch

      I’m glad you’re having fun and conversations again, Totallybel. What is psycho teddy? I Googled it, but it seems as if there are a thousand psycho teddies. I hope they’re all getting the word out!

      1. Totallybel

        As an antidote to all the horror films over Halloween we watched Toy Story 3 and the lovely cuddly teddy bear boss of the pre school Woody, Jess and Buzz mistakenly end up in was a total psycho, well definitely a cluster b, he was so loving and helpful but it was just a facade, check it out, it’s worth watching on a rainy afternoon xxx

        1. Adelyn Birch

          Thanks xxx

  12. Adelyn Birch

    I couldn’t agree more. When I found out my ex never loved me, I was free from the illusion (and the wrong path it sent me down). That’s when the real progress started.

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