Broken Hearts Can Surrender
It turns out that the members of this club are actually outstanding people who are able to love deeply and connect meaningfully,
Dark Night of the Collective Soul
What becomes of a society when the mad dogs take over? What becomes of us when morality has nothing to do with anything?
SAFE ZONE for Victims of Married Psychopaths
This website is a safe zone for those of you who were victimized by a married psychopath or narcissist, and also for those of you who were married when you were victimized. There is no judgement here.
MALIGNANT NARCISSISM: Even Worse Than It Sounds
A malignant narcissist is like taking a psychopath, a narcissist, and a hostile, paranoid sadist, and rolling them all into one.
Dark Night of the Soul: A Spiritual and Existential Crisis
Although it resembles depression—nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no purpose to anything—a dark night of the soul is a much different experience.
Dark Night of the Soul: A Spiritual and Existential Crisis Read More »
Blue Christmas
The holidays can be can be a season of deep loneliness and sorrow for those of you who are are going through trauma and grief. The season can trigger deep sadness and a sense that you’re alone, even in a crowd.
MASS MANIPULATION: How Did it Happen?
At every turn, we hear words unbound by truth or logic. False arguments have replaced reason and rationality. Thoughts of Kafka and Orwell dance through our heads. It seems that reality itself has fallen down the rabbit hole.
Innocence Lost, Identity Shaken
Loss of innocence. Shattered hopes and dreams. Identity crisis. These are common feelings among those of us who’ve been through the trauma of a relationship with a psychopath.
All the World’s a Stage… To a Psychopath
I doubted my perceptions and dismissed them. I dismissed the times when something he said seemed rehearsed, like he had said the very same thing many times before.
Reality, Denied: GASLIGHTING
Using the tactic of gaslighting, the manipulator denies, and therefore invalidates, reality. Invalidating reality distorts or undermines your perceptions of your world.
A MUST-READ If You Ask Yourself “WHY DID I STAY?” or “WHY CAN’T I LEAVE?”
Why did you stay? If you’re still involved, why can’t you leave? Find out now. In the process, free yourself from needless self-blame and shame.
A MUST-READ If You Ask Yourself “WHY DID I STAY?” or “WHY CAN’T I LEAVE?” Read More »
Reasonable Facsimile
You were a reasonable facsimile.
Closer inspection revealed your leaking battery and rusted springs, plastic painted to resemble flesh, and an old watch ticking in place of a heart.
In the Aftermath: GRIEF
Of course you’re grieving. But wait a minute, you tell yourself. You shouldn’t be grieving because you know this person didn’t really love you.
Fear, Hatred and Superstition VS Empowerment
If a few years have passed since you were traumatized and you still feel fear, hatred, and vulnerability, and if you avoid new relationships, don’t accept it as just the way things are now.
How To Never Get Involved with an Abuser Again
The two traits all abusive people have in common: They lack empathy and they are manipulative.
Curiosity Killed the Cat: The Harbingers of Intuition
A harbinger foreshadows what is to come. That gives me a little shudder. These messengers of intuition are sometimes our only clue to some subtle red flag that slips by us.
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Defeated? Damaged? Destroyed? TURN, TURN, TURN!
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
“I Should Have Known”
While we’re in the thick of the present moment, we must make decisions based on incomplete information and insufficient personal experience. That means failure can and does happen, to everyone.
I Promise You, I’m No Gigolo!
Beware the unsolicited promise, which is often a warning sign of impending victimization that should never be ignored or believed.
A Grin Without a Cat
Alice’s trip into Wonderland would become curioser and curioser… just like our own trip into the reality-distortion field of the psychopath, a real-life Cheshire Cat with nothing at all behind his grin.
The Psychopath: An Empty Boat
Understanding that psychopaths have a brain disorder that makes them act the way they do can help resolve anger, self-blame, doubt, and confusion.
You Are Not Your Thoughts: How METACOGNITION Can Help You Heal
You are not your thoughts, and just because you have a thought does not mean it’s real or true, or that you have to engage with it. Having thoughts–which happens automatically–is different from thinking.
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Objectification and Dehumanization in Abusive Relationships
When we are seen as an object, we aren’t considered a separate, whole, real and meaningful person with our own thoughts, feelings and perceptions. We are simply an object with no meaning except to gratify desires.
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Tired of being used, invalidated, manipulated and devalued? PRESS THE BUTTON!
Do you want to have relationships with healthy, normal people? Could your self-confidence use a boost? Press the Button!
Tired of being used, invalidated, manipulated and devalued? PRESS THE BUTTON! Read More »
It’s Not You, It’s Me and My Hyper-Reactive Dopaminergic Reward System
I didn’t know it at the time, but my ‘soul mate’ was jonesing for some dopamine. The search for an intense dopamine high drives the psychopath’s ever-repeating cycle of idealize, devalue, discard.
It’s Not You, It’s Me and My Hyper-Reactive Dopaminergic Reward System Read More »
Genuine Attraction, Manipulation or Something More? Dr. Rhonda Freeman Explains
When psychopaths pursue a target, are they motivated by genuine attraction, the desire to manipulate or something more?Neuropsychologist Rhonda Freeman, PhD, explains.
Genuine Attraction, Manipulation or Something More? Dr. Rhonda Freeman Explains Read More »
Psychopathic Medicine and The White Wall of Silence
Medicine’s white wall of silence keeps knowledge of a physician’s incompetence hidden from the public, while the physician continues to practice.
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Feeling Crazy? Unstable? Unhinged?
If you’re doubting your own sanity, rest assured that if your symptoms started during the abusive relationship, you are experiencing post-traumatic stress.
You Are Born of Chaos and Stars, and Are Stronger and More Resilient Than You Know
Your very existence—your life, and you—are exceptionally rare and precious. The indestructible star–matter from which you are created is within you,
You Are Born of Chaos and Stars, and Are Stronger and More Resilient Than You Know Read More »
Love Not Bombs: LOVE BOMBING
Love bombing is an all-encompassing, exhaustive campaign of flattery that “bombs” the target with non-stop positive reinforcement.
First, Do No Harm: Abusive Psychotherapists
How can you tell if your therapist is crossing the line, or is engaging in poor therapy that is harming you or has the potential to do so? This post is not intended to scare anyone away from trying therapy. There are good therapists who are able to make a real difference in people’s lives.
Others Have It Worse Than Me: SELF-INVALIDATION
When others invalidate our feelings, it creates emotional distance. When we invalidate our own feelings, we create alienation from the self. We also create feelings of guilt and shame. Self-invalidation (and invalidation by others) makes recovery from depression and anxiety particularly difficult.
Thoughts On the Eve of the New Year
May the light of love shine in and through each of us, every day of the New Year. Wishing you love, light and peace.
A Holiday Wish for You
Heartfelt holiday wishes, gratitude, and thanks to each of you, without whom this website would be nothing more than words written on the ether. They are only given meaning when they connect with you.
Persistence of Memory: The Phenomenon of Intrusive Thoughts
“It feels like a thorn in my brain.” That’s how one reader described the intrusive thoughts that plague us long after a psychopath is out of our lives. I’m here to reassure you that the intrusive thoughts will eventually fade away.
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Greatest Hits, Vol. 1: How Can You Tell if You’re Being Manipulated?
You may have missed this post, but I wouldn’t want you to because it’s an important one. Even if you read it before, it’s worth a review. We all have some concern about getting involved with another manipulator, so we need to recognize manipulation as early as possible. This article will show you an easy way to do that.
Greatest Hits, Vol. 1: How Can You Tell if You’re Being Manipulated? Read More »
Into the Mirror… and Out Again
Psychopaths know they have to hide what they truly are in order to win your heart. A psychopath knows you would not want anything to do with him or her if they didn’t. And when they’re trying to trap you, who do they pretend to be? You. That means… you fell in love with yourself.
The Wizards of Id
It’s all about the id, the ego and the superego. Psychopaths, you see, are The Wizards of Id.
Psychopaths Are Boring. We Are Fascinating.
Psychopaths are boring. We are fascinating. How do we know this is true? 10 things they do make it obvious.
EMPATHY: What It Is and Why You Need It
Emotional reciprocity, love and belonging are essential human needs, and if these needs are not being met, then mental and physical health will suffer.
Psychopathy: Is It In Their Eyes?
Do a psychopath’s eyes give them away? Are they a reliable sign we can use to identify and avoid them?
To Trust or Not To Trust… Is That the Question?
What are we to do? Should we trust or not trust? How about neither one? It turns out there’s another choice available to us.
The Transformative Power of Telling Your Story
Over time, your story may become quite different than it was at the outset. The facts don’t change, but your interpretation of them — and the meaning you give to your experience — can change, going from a story of defeat to a story of victory.
The Peace and Healing of Acceptance
Acceptance isn’t the final stage in some neat and orderly process; it helps you move through the process. The first thing you might need to accept is that you’re having periods of strong emotion that often feel unbearable.
Want To Reclaim Your Power? Re-Write Your Story!
The lie is the story of defeat and doubt and failure. That’s the story the psychopath wanted you to create and live with. Don’t fall for it anymore.
Want To Reclaim Your Power? Re-Write Your Story! Read More »
Warning Others: Will It Work?
Even if they did listen, they might not remember the warning. Why would it even cross their minds, when they’ve just met the most wonderful person?
Michelle Carter: Depraved Heart Murderer?
Conrad got out of the truck. He wasn’t sure he wanted to die. Michelle responded by ordering him to “get back in.”
11 Places Psychopaths Hunt
When psychopaths see an opportunity, they go for it. Since they’re opportunists, you can be targeted by one of them anywhere. But some places do present a higher risk than others.
Get Your Psychopath Decoder Ring, While Supplies Last!
Slip this unique high-tech, handcrafted ring onto your finger, and it begins to work. Perpetual motion design makes batteries obsolete. The only thing you need to do in addition to wearing the ring is to keep the instructions in mind at all times.
Get Your Psychopath Decoder Ring, While Supplies Last! Read More »
Why You? And How Did You Get Trapped?
If you can’t figure out what made you vulnerable or don’t believe you were, remember that it is our best qualities — our ability to give and receive love, to trust another enough to be intimate and vulnerable, and to believe in the goodness of another — that enable a psychopath to victimize us.
The Healing Power of Awe
Awe expands and heals the soul. When we’ve been in a dark place that has made our spirit wither and grow dim, awe opens it again and fills it with light.
Manipulation: How Far Can It Go?
Many people were perplexed. What could possibly cause her to act so out of character? Manipulation, that’s what.
Is He or Isn’t He? Why It Doesn’t Matter
I get many letters from readers who aren’t sure if their partner is a psychopath or not and want help figuring it out. Part of my response is “You’re asking for relationship advice on a website about psychopaths. That, in and of itself, indicates something is seriously wrong.”
Intensity or Intimacy? A Relationship Litmus Test
Intimacy has to do with trust, understanding, and feeling understood. Intensity, on the other hand, is all about drama, anxiety, uncertainty, and fear.
Intensity or Intimacy? A Relationship Litmus Test Read More »