It turns out that the members of this club are actually outstanding people who are able to love deeply and connect meaningfully,
This website is a safe zone for those of you who were victimized by a married psychopath or narcissist, and also for those of you who were married when you were victimized. There is no judgement here.
Although it resembles depression—nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no purpose to anything—a dark night of the soul is a much different experience.
The holidays can be can be a season of deep loneliness and sorrow for those of you who are are going through trauma and grief. The season can trigger deep sadness and a sense that you’re alone, even in a crowd.
At every turn, we hear words unbound by truth or logic. False arguments have replaced reason and rationality. Thoughts of Kafka and Orwell dance through our heads. It seems that reality itself has fallen down the rabbit hole.
Loss of innocence. Shattered hopes and dreams. Identity crisis. These are common feelings among those of us who’ve been through the trauma of a relationship with a psychopath.
I doubted my perceptions and dismissed them. I dismissed the times when something he said seemed rehearsed, like he had said the very same thing many times before.
Using the tactic of gaslighting, the manipulator denies, and therefore invalidates, reality. Invalidating reality distorts or undermines your perceptions of your world.
Why did you stay? If you’re still involved, why can’t you leave? Find out now. In the process, free yourself from needless self-blame and shame.
You were a reasonable facsimile.
Closer inspection revealed your leaking battery and rusted springs, plastic painted to resemble flesh, and an old watch ticking in place of a heart.
If a few years have passed since you were traumatized and you still feel fear, hatred, and vulnerability, and if you avoid new relationships, don’t accept it as just the way things are now.
A harbinger foreshadows what is to come. That gives me a little shudder. These messengers of intuition are sometimes our only clue to some subtle red flag that slips by us.
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
While we’re in the thick of the present moment, we must make decisions based on incomplete information and insufficient personal experience. That means failure can and does happen, to everyone.
Alice’s trip into Wonderland would become curioser and curioser… just like our own trip into the reality-distortion field of the psychopath, a real-life Cheshire Cat with nothing at all behind his grin.
You are not your thoughts, and just because you have a thought does not mean it’s real or true, or that you have to engage with it. Having thoughts–which happens automatically–is different from thinking.
When we are seen as an object, we aren’t considered a separate, whole, real and meaningful person with our own thoughts, feelings and perceptions. We are simply an object with no meaning except to gratify desires.
Do you want to have relationships with healthy, normal people? Could your self-confidence use a boost? Press the Button!
I didn’t know it at the time, but my ‘soul mate’ was jonesing for some dopamine. The search for an intense dopamine high drives the psychopath’s ever-repeating cycle of idealize, devalue, discard.
When psychopaths pursue a target, are they motivated by genuine attraction, the desire to manipulate or something more?Neuropsychologist Rhonda Freeman, PhD, explains.
Medicine’s white wall of silence keeps knowledge of a physician’s incompetence hidden from the public, while the physician continues to practice.
If you’re doubting your own sanity, rest assured that if your symptoms started during the abusive relationship, you are experiencing post-traumatic stress.
Your very existence—your life, and you—are exceptionally rare and precious. The indestructible star–matter from which you are created is within you,
How can you tell if your therapist is crossing the line, or is engaging in poor therapy that is harming you or has the potential to do so? This post is not intended to scare anyone away from trying therapy. There are good therapists who are able to make a real difference in people’s lives.
When others invalidate our feelings, it creates emotional distance. When we invalidate our own feelings, we create alienation from the self. We also create feelings of guilt and shame. Self-invalidation (and invalidation by others) makes recovery from depression and anxiety particularly difficult.
Heartfelt holiday wishes, gratitude, and thanks to each of you, without whom this website would be nothing more than words written on the ether. They are only given meaning when they connect with you.
“It feels like a thorn in my brain.” That’s how one reader described the intrusive thoughts that plague us long after a psychopath is out of our lives. I’m here to reassure you that the intrusive thoughts will eventually fade away.
You may have missed this post, but I wouldn’t want you to because it’s an important one. Even if you read it before, it’s worth a review. We all have some concern about getting involved with another manipulator, so we need to recognize manipulation as early as possible. This article will show you an easy way to do that.
Psychopaths know they have to hide what they truly are in order to win your heart. A psychopath knows you would not want anything to do with him or her if they didn’t. And when they’re trying to trap you, who do they pretend to be? You. That means… you fell in love with yourself.
Emotional reciprocity, love and belonging are essential human needs, and if these needs are not being met, then mental and physical health will suffer.
Over time, your story may become quite different than it was at the outset. The facts don’t change, but your interpretation of them — and the meaning you give to your experience — can change, going from a story of defeat to a story of victory.
Acceptance isn’t the final stage in some neat and orderly process; it helps you move through the process. The first thing you might need to accept is that you’re having periods of strong emotion that often feel unbearable.
The lie is the story of defeat and doubt and failure. That’s the story the psychopath wanted you to create and live with. Don’t fall for it anymore.
When psychopaths see an opportunity, they go for it. Since they’re opportunists, you can be targeted by one of them anywhere. But some places do present a higher risk than others.
Slip this unique high-tech, handcrafted ring onto your finger, and it begins to work. Perpetual motion design makes batteries obsolete. The only thing you need to do in addition to wearing the ring is to keep the instructions in mind at all times.
If you can’t figure out what made you vulnerable or don’t believe you were, remember that it is our best qualities — our ability to give and receive love, to trust another enough to be intimate and vulnerable, and to believe in the goodness of another — that enable a psychopath to victimize us.
I get many letters from readers who aren’t sure if their partner is a psychopath or not and want help figuring it out. Part of my response is “You’re asking for relationship advice on a website about psychopaths. That, in and of itself, indicates something is seriously wrong.”
Intimacy has to do with trust, understanding, and feeling understood. Intensity, on the other hand, is all about drama, anxiety, uncertainty, and fear.