It turns out that the members of this club are actually outstanding people who are able to love deeply and connect meaningfully,
Traits of victims
When others invalidate our feelings, it creates emotional distance. When we invalidate our own feelings, we create alienation from the self. We also create feelings of guilt and shame. Self-invalidation (and invalidation by others) makes recovery from depression and anxiety particularly difficult.
“It feels like a thorn in my brain.” That’s how one reader described the intrusive thoughts that plague us long after a psychopath is out of our lives. I’m here to reassure you that the intrusive thoughts will eventually fade away.
If you can’t figure out what made you vulnerable or don’t believe you were, remember that it is our best qualities — our ability to give and receive love, to trust another enough to be intimate and vulnerable, and to believe in the goodness of another — that enable a psychopath to victimize us.
At best, this man is a neurotic emotional vampire. At worse, he is a psychopathic or narcissistic emotional vampire. Either way, he’s an emotional vampire who will drain you dry and not care one bit, as long as his own needs are being met.
Fear is part of the aftermath of trauma. The fear expands beyond the traumatic event that caused it, and we wonder, “what else might happen?” We are between places of safety, out in the open, seemingly without protection or defense.
Imagine you’re working in a maximum security psychiatric hospital that houses sexually motivated predatory stalkers who are in the Sexually Violent Predator Program. Most are diagnosed psychopaths.This would be enough to keep you and your coworkers from being manipulated, seduced, and victimized… right?
How can we prevent love from ‘getting in the way’ of seeing reality clearly, trusting our perceptions, and looking out for our best interests? It comes down to three things.
Shame is not your burden to carry. Neither is blame, from others or from yourself. What is there to feel shame for? Being a decent, loving and trusting human being?
“Always trust your gut.” That’s what common wisdom tells us. We’ve got our built-in Spidey Sense working behind the scenes to protect us, if only we would listen. Or… maybe not.
We automatically assume that others are just like we are when it comes to the fundamental aspects of our characters, such as having a conscience. That can be a dangerous mistake.
We’ve learned there are many things that leave us vulnerable to predatory manipulators. But no discussion of what may make us vulnerable is complete without revealing one vulnerability we all have, but that remains hidden from us.
“If you have been the victim of a psychopath or you think you may be the next target of a psychopath, this book lays it all out for you. It is short, succinct, and gets right to the core of the predator.” J. Hunter
There are certain traits we may have that make us more likely to be victimized by psychopaths. This in no way suggests a victim is to blame — the predator is clearly the one to blame.
Emotional manipulation can be so subtle and undercover that it can control you for quite a while before you figure out what’s happening, if you ever do. Learn how.
Psychopaths have an uncanny ability to look at a you and tell if you’re a potential victim, one who will easily succumb to their mind games and provide them with what they need.