Follow the yellow brick road
Follow the yellow brick road
Follow the rainbow over the stream
Follow the fellow who follows a dream…
When we inadvertently follow a psychopath down their yellow brick road, Emerald City isn’t what we find at the end. There is nothing in it for us; it’s all about them, all about an illusion they create for the purpose of fulfilling their needs with absolutely no regard for ours.
Why do they do such a terrible thing? What in the world is the matter with them?
It’s all about the id, the ego and the superego.
Psychopaths, you see, are The Wizards of Id.
The super-ego is the conscience, and psychopaths don’t have a conscience. That’s what defines them. It’s what makes their deplorable behavior possible. They do have an id, though, and it’s what controls and motivates them. The id is the primitive and instinctual part of the psyche that includes the sex (libido) instinct and the aggressive (death) instinct. The id responds directly to these instinctual drives and demands immediate satisfaction. The id is not affected by reality, logic or the everyday world.
The ego is the negotiator between the id and the superego. In a psychopath’s case it only has to negotiate with the id, but it can’t do a very good job. That’s because the id is normally kept in line by the super-ego, which they don’t have. They are unable to control the impulses of the id so they can be expressed in a manner acceptable in the real world.
But there’s more. When you understand the role of the superego — and understand that psychopaths don’t have a superego — you’ll understand the basis for what they are:
The superego incorporates the values and morals of society which are learned from one’s parents and others.
The superego’s function is to control the id’s impulses, especially those which society forbids, such as sex and aggression. It also has the function of persuading the ego to turn to moralistic goals rather than simply realistic ones and to strive for perfection.
The superego consists of two systems: The conscience and the ideal self.
- The conscience can punish the ego through causing feelings of guilt. For example, if the ego gives in to the id’s demands, the superego may make the person feel bad through guilt.
- The ideal self (or ego-ideal) is an imaginary picture of how you ought to be, and represents how to treat other people and how to behave as a member of society.
Not only don’t psychopaths have a conscience; they don’t have an “ideal self” they aspire to live up to. Therefore, they have no desire to treat others well or behave as a member of society, at least not any more than what’s required to keep them hidden and (maybe) out of prison.
What a psychopath is, in effect, is an id on two legs.
The impulses and desires of their id are their guiding force, and gratifying them is the purpose of their lives. They don’t care about other people. If they can get what they want from life by being callous and manipulative and hurting other people, they’ll do it. There’s nothing stopping them.
Like the Wizard of Oz, they distracted us from the reality of what they were with smoke and mirrors and manufactured drama. When we peeked behind the curtain, we learned the truth — our soul mate was nothing more than a Wizard of Id. And instead of handing out hearts and brains and courage, they handed out disappointment and betrayal.
I’m sorry for each of you who has experienced it, and I wish you far better days ahead filled with genuine people who have something real to offer.
you’ve had the power all along
♥ Thank you for reading
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BOOKS BY ADELYN BIRCH
“Such a great gem. One of my favorite books about this subject as the author paints such a clear picture of what these relationships are like.”
“Practical, concise, well-written and researched. Everyone should have a copy of this book. In fact, they should give one to every high school student. That would prevent a lot of people from getting involved in ‘relationships’ with these hidden, manipulative predators. An easy five stars, I wish I could give it a hundred!”
“I would like to thank the author for an eye opening experience! This book has clarified more for me than I have ever understood in my entire lifetime.. It doesn’t matter what type of relationship you are in, it can be straight couples, gay couples, relationships between family members, co-workers , any kind of relationship, you must read this book. It will be as if a lightswitch is turned on in your brain and your soul is sitting up and paying attention. To the author, again thank you for opening my eyes.”
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I love your analogy. I, too, am a writer and I often find myself compelled to talk about my sociopath in my prose. Let’s face it, it feels good to get their bullshit out of our heads, plus, we desire to share our knowledge because as we are empathetic by nature, we really do not want anyone else to go through the subsequence they leave in their wake. We also want other “victims” to know that they are not alone. This is what makes us humans and psychopaths aliens.
Nevertheless, my analogy in terms of fairy tales, if you will, is Pinnochio. The fake boy is a liar, a manipulator and a murderer of his so called friend, the cricket.
I am soon to post this analogy and I hope that you will share it with your readers as well.
Thank you for your blog, darling. I am always thrilled to see the newest post awaiting me in my in-box.
Regards,
Dee Arzola
art.deannlynnarzola.com
Once, when I mentioned “self discipline”, he said, I never signed on for self discipline! He was impulsive, and dedicated, above all, to his own immdediate gratification. He was an adolescent in a 60+ year old body. Not an attractive combination. As I came to realize this, I knew that he was only the wizard behind the curtain… an illusion… and I said goodbye.
EXCELLENT POST! They are un-evolved ids (sadly true- kind of neanderthal-ey). Love it.
Thanks! I wonder if they do have a higher percentage of Neanderthal than average? I had mine measured and it’s lower. Hmmm…
I have often wondered about the Neanderthal component, and I think its something that ought to be investigated with modern tools of genetic investigation.
According to Danny Vindramini, of the website Them and Us, Neanderthal predation is what led to us becoming human in the first place. We modern (empathic) humans may have wiped out the Neanderthals in order to protect ourselves, but since Neanderthals preyed upon us for sex (sound familiar?) as well as food (they were cannibals), their genes may survive in our gene pool and may give rise to what we call psychopaths. One thing psychopaths do, after all, is prey upon women sexually.
p.s. I think the idea that psychopaths may have some kind of “warrior gene”, and that psychopaths are natural warriors with nothing to do in the modern world and so they go around preying on people, is ridiculous. Psychopaths are predators. Warriors are not predators. Is there any evidence, for instance, that warriors of the Native American tribes turned predacious when they were not in their warrior role, or that now that the Native Americans do not have a warrior role to play in the world anymore, that they have become predacious? I don’t think so.
Not only that, and correct me if I am wrong, but aren’t white men of European decent the group with the highest percentage of psychopaths? That would make sense if psychopathy is, in part, a phenomenon of occult Neanderthal heritage, left over from the days when Neanderthals were kidnapping Cro Magnon women for sex.
I agree, Phryne. I think there should be an investigation of Neanderthal genes and psychopaths. I will look at that website, thank you. And warriors are not the same thing as predators! Good catch.
What’s super creepy is how the psychopath pretends to have a Superego. At the end of my relationship, I began to observe how fake he was. He’d try to butter me up when he wanted me to do something (more than I was already doing). After 2 years of this, I knew that the compliments were lies. The words of adoration and love meaningless and the promises were empty. Staring back at me was a creature designed to consume without any regard for others.
Psychopaths know their behavior is bad and that’s why they lie. If they were upstanding and moral then why aren’t they open about the horrible things they do? If cheating was really as permissible and normal as they say it is, then why don’t they just come right out and tell us about all of the people they’re having sex with? If their manipulation and coning us out of money wasn’t so deplorable, then why don’t they just tell us they’re using us for money and stealing?
To get me to consider having sex with other people, my ex would frequently debate the merits of an open relationship. He’d say things like how it brings people closer together and helps marriages and relationships last longer. I’d say: “If that’s so true and if jealousy wasn’t such a big issue, then why are there countless themes in movies, books, songs and television about the devastation that results from betrayal.” I would watch him closely as he tried to unravel my logic. He couldn’t, so he resorted to countering with an insult, calling me a prude. I believe he did understand the idea that men who lure their partners into open relationships or “swinging”are actually pimping out the women. This is not offensive to him because to a psychopath women are objects to be used and abused and drained of everything they have to give.
If a psychopath’s way of being is a great as they say it is, then why do they slither around and hide who and what they really are?
This post uses such a great analogy. It’s so unbelievable how we all got conned, just like Dorothy, into believing in the “Magic.” I certainly did. What I learned is that there is no magic. Magic men are dangerous men. And, a man who has a trail of broken marriages and many ex girlfriends (who all pretend he’s dead) can’t be magical.
All excellent points, Lola. You’re very astute! Thank for sharing them here.
“If a psychopath’s way of being is a great as they say it is, then why do they slither around and hide who and what they really are?” Good question. And why don’t they just hang around with other psychopaths, and leave us the hell alone?
Ha! Psychopaths don’t hang around with other psychopaths because they would die of boredom. They need empathetic targets, so they have something to morph into, mirror and steal from. Can you imagine what it would be like if all the psychopaths were gathered up and put on an island together? They would either kill each other, out of boredom, or they’d all go insane due to the lack of stimulation. There would be no escape from the emptiness and void that occupies their minds. Hmmm, I wonder if that’s what hell is like?
It’s hell no matter what. Either they put us through hell, or they go through hell if they can’t have us.
If that ever happens I want to watch! What a delightful sight that would be! An island full of psychopaths, boring each other to death! HA!
It might sound good, but I think they might bore you to death right along with them. Without us, they’re sort of… lifeless.
Maybe – but I’d still but a ticket! LOL!
Lola: my exact words to my husband the other day as to why I did not want his brother and his wife over for Thanksgiving…because they always try to ‘morph into’ us. They want everything we have and are always on ‘high alert’ regarding what we do, where we have been, what our plans are…
It is just too predictable and banal to deal with…and it is downright galling and frightening how they want to take from us (vacations, travel, household, town we live in…)
Get lost, you Christian Right hypocrites. Leave us alone.
Great post! There’s nothing behind the curtain. This rings true for me. My ex has the ability to fool so many people. He has the image of the being the ultimate “humanitarian,” always donating money to causes and being very verbal about his strong convictions. He would get behind women’s rights issues, animal rights, fighting for the underdog etc., It was this veil of “humanness” that kept me in the relationship for so long. I would have these arguments with myself trying to resolve how a sadistic man could be a humanitarian? This front works very well for him. He wears it like a second skin. He’s so damn believable! I can’t tell you how many times I’d say, “He can’t be a misogynist, he’s a supporter of women’s rights.”
There’s nothing behind the curtain. It’s true.
I believe psychopathy was/is more predominant in European men…look how they treated the native Indians of North America. Like they had that ‘right’ (under the guise of Manifest Destiny). Read “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee”…people I know who had read it have thrown it against a wall in disgust…at the Europeans.
Ever notice how certain people operate under the guise of religion and high ideals? They are anything BUT religious with high ideals.
Wanda, people of all races and times have committed terrible atrocities against other people whom they see as different from them (and therefore less than them), and not all of them are psychopathic. Humans have the potential to act this way because of the nature of their reptilian brain, a primitive structure deep within the brain that sees others in terms of “us and them” and that interprets “them” as a threat that must be eliminated. That threat could be any number of things, such as a threat to their belief system, their way of life, their lives, their goals, and, as you said, their religion or their high ideals. They see their interests and rights as being more important than the other group’s, because they’re only “them,” the threat. I’m not even talking about psychopaths here — I’m talking about ordinary humans.
When people feel threatened, it is very easy for a psychopathic person to capitalize on that and take the lead by promising he can eliminate the threat, and can lead people to commit all kinds of mayhem. It’s happened time and time again, throughout history and throughout most if not all racial, ethnic and religious groups. In fact, there doesn’t even need to be a psychopath involved. Neurotypical humans can be very irrational and dangerous.
The reptilian brain controls much more of our behavior than we realize. The most efficient model for understanding the brain in terms of its evolutionary history is the famous triune brain theory. According to this theory, the following three distinct brains emerged successively in the course of evolution and now co-inhabit the human skull:
reptilian, limbic (emotions), and neocortex (thinking). The reptilian part is responsible for species-typical instinctual behaviors involved in aggression, dominance, territoriality, and ritual displays. It’s like a bodyguard who’s constantly scanning the environment for potential threats.
Until humans recognize, understand, and learn to control their reptilian brain, the atrocity will continue. A quick perusal of the news on any given day clearly illustrates that there is absolutely no sign of that happening. Humans continue to be irrational and delusional and violent.
From what I have read, psychopathy is evenly distributed across racial groups. “Data suggest that racial differences in psychopathy are not large enough to have theoretical or practical significance.” Psychopathic personality and racial/ethnic differences reconsidered; Jennifer L. Skeema,*, John F. Edensb, Glenn M. Sanfordb, Lori H. Colwellb
Of course they can only base that on the study of criminal psychopaths, because most remain hidden. As Dr. Hare said, ‘subcriminal’ psychopaths “… never go to prison or any other facility. They appear to function reasonably well — as lawyers, doctors, psychiatrists, academics, mercenaries…and so forth — without breaking the law, or at least without being caught and convicted. These individuals are every bit as egocentric, callous, and manipulative as the average criminal psychopath; however, their intelligence, family background, social skills, and circumstances permit them to construct a facade of normalcy and to get what they want with relative impunity.”
Nice breakdown of the human brain. I love the animals…insects, in particular, fascinate me. A grass spider spent the summer in the corner of the front steps to my house. I swear she knew I was coming and that it was me…she would quiver with excitement (hopefully it was not fear) and looked up at me. I did quite a bit with insects, as I did some self-study in entomology, and my grandfather was very keen on the subject.
I also love the “Far Side” cartoons about insects.
Ants were my thing as a kid. Fascinating!
And humans learned a lot about engineering and construction from ants!
Yes! They are very industrious and innovative little creatures!
If I write a bad review on a professional and/or company, am I being psychopathic? And I try not to use my real name…does that make me a coward?
If I am doing it to warn others about shoddy service, then it should not be an evil act. If I am doing it to truly hurt someone professionally, then I quickly backspace over it before publishing it. There has to be a way to let off steam at mediocre or poor service…and downright ripoffs.
It’s only psychopathic if you write a fake bad review for someone who doesn’t deserve it. Staying anonymous isn’t cowardly; business owners sometimes do file lawsuits against people who write bad reviews. Some states have laws that protect reviewers from these “SLAPP suits,” but not all of them. It’s important to warn others of bad products, rip-offs and shoddy business practices!