I’ve been asked the same question several times by people who read “Red Flags of a Psychopath” on this website:
“This sounds like a description of a couple falling deeply in love. How is it different? How can I tell if it’s happening to me?”
First of all, I think most people would never be able to tell and would fall for it, just like we did. The readers asking the question say it best — it looks just like a couple falling in love.
But having gone through it, there is a chance of recognizing it and not having it happen again. So here is some good information for those of us who have been through it already and don’t want to repeat it (and also for those who haven’t, for whatever it’s worth).
I stumbled upon an excellent blog post a few days ago that addresses this issue. Here’s an excerpt, followed by the link:
“Robert Hare and Paul Babiak describe in Snakes in Suits how during the “assessment phase” of the relationship a psychopath will convey to his target four main messages: 1) I like you; 2) I share your interests; 3) I’m like you, and 4) I’m the perfect partner or soul mate for you.
This process constitutes the mirroring phase of the psychopathic bond. Granted, most romantic relationships entail some aspects of mirroring. After all, that’s how couples discover their points in common. But with a psychopath the reflection tends to be instant and total. It’s a simulated bonding that’s way too fast, too soon and too good to be true. This happens before any real emotional connection can take place. It occurs before the partners have gotten to know each other well, over time and in different circumstances. Instant bonding is usually a symptom of shallowness of emotions rather than of miraculous compatibility. It means that the psychopath will detach from you and latch on to another target as easily as he initially attached to you. Yet through their conversational glibness and innate charm, as well as through their extraordinary capacity to identify and reflect your deepest desires, psychopaths can initially make you feel like they’re your dream come true. They present themselves as the only partners who could possibly fulfill whatever’s been missing from your life.”
~ Claudia Moscovici, author of the blog psychopathyawareness.com
Read the rest here: https://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/tag/paul-babiak/
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“Practical, concise, well-written and researched. Everyone should have a copy of this book. In fact, they should give one to every high school student. That would prevent a lot of people from getting involved in ‘?relationships’? with these hidden, manipulative predators. An easy five stars, I wish I could give it a hundred!”