From the Darkness, a Small Light Shines… A Holiday Wish


The warm glow of the holidays

may only seem only to accentuate grief if you are suffering. You may feel like the Little Match Girl or Boy looking in from the outside, shivering alone in the cold and locked out from the all the warmth and joy.

I remember a time when Christmas bells rang empty in my grieving heart. I only saw what wasn’t there. A silent voice, an empty chair, a missing face. No matter how bad my heart was broken, the world didn’t stop for me. Christmas still came. I closed the door and tried to lock it out, but it did no good. It was somewhere inside of me.

My dog looked at me in her usual earnest way, but on that day it seemed to mean that I should take her for a walk in the sparkling snow, build a fire to keep her warm, and then roast a chicken. I did all of that, when I hadn’t even planned to get out of bed.

When I look back on that day now, I see there was something about Christmas that re-ignited the light of my spirit. It was just a small light at that time, but it was a light. Slowly but surely, it grew brighter.

Even if the holidays are a sad time for you this year, I hope you will find a small light that burns within you and illuminates hope, peace, serenity, and self-compassion. May that light ~ and all it shines upon ~ grow bigger and brighter with each day of the New Year.



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19 thoughts on “From the Darkness, a Small Light Shines… A Holiday Wish”

  1. Brightie

    This post made my Christmas Eve a bit brighter. I have only recently seen the truth that I’ve been manipulated and left. Thank you so much for your blog! To all of you wonderful, beautiful souls, may you always see the light and believe in the bright future before us, you are not alone, not ever! Have a peaceful holidays and happy thoughts!

    1. Admin

      Thank you, Brightie, for your beautiful wishes for everyone! So glad the post brightened up your day. Wishing you a happy and peaceful holiday, too.

  2. Michalsuzette

    Thank you , I needed this. Having grandchildren and grown kids its kind of hard to block it. I find myself crying in the strangest of places.

    1. Admin

      It is hard when you have to try and put on a happy face for others. But I hope you’ll end up smiling for real, and find some joy in being with your family for the holiday.

  3. Reality

    dear Admin,

    i wish you and all your readers Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart.
    i hope that all the people whom their emotional or physical woulds are still fresh will find the inner courage to walk through the immense pain in order to reclaim their inner light and be happy again .
    i did not comment a lot lately in your blog dear Admin as i was very pressured with matters of family and work but i did not miss to read your posts. Thank you so much for everything that you do in this blog. You must know that you touch so many souls in such a deep level and you give immense help to the people who suffered from psycopathic abuse. Personally i am very grateful to you for being who you are and doing what you do. You have greatly helped me in my road to regain myself and my life and be in a place now in my life that i feel peaceful and happy the most of the time. Thank you so so much. I wish you personal and proffesional hapiness and to be always surrounded by LOVE LOVE LOVE.


    1. Admin

      I’ve been wondering where you were. Good to see you! What a wonderful Christmas surprise.

      I’m so glad you feel peaceful and happy most of the time, and if I had anything at all to do with that, it makes everything I experienced and have done since then 100% worthwhile.

      Happiness and lots of love to you too, Reality.


  4. Nearlybel

    Thank you Admin, it is a fierce emotional time. And I felt once or twice I’d like to go to sleep and wake up after it was all over. But I kept moving ( slowly ) getting things sorted and with a lot of help from all those close to me, we’re making it happen. OK the decorations are a little askew and the tree we decorated was dead and brown but no one can see, there’s so many baubles and lights on it. And tomorrow we will celebrate, our way, and be happy we got this far.
    And next year, we will continue to live our lives as we were born to, free of the hurt, humiliation, degradation and hindrance the horrible being imposed on me, the children and all associated with me for over 20 years.
    He will receive all he deserves in 2015, I will do my best to be finished with him then.
    All best wishes to ye and all who visit your site, much love xxx

    1. Admin

      The only reason my tree isn’t brown is because it’s fake. The decorations are most definitely askew, but that’s still wonderful — at least there is the desire to have decorations! Perfection is boring anyway. I’m glad you and the kids will be celebrating your way, together. I wish you all that you hope for in the coming year, and I wish that he will get all he deserves, and more. xxx

  5. Ann

    Thank you admin for your wise posts of last year.I check my mail box eagerly for them, because they are written from the heart and i find them helpful. Its been three years since iv been out of the relationship and although most of the time i am happy and peaceful nevertheless i still am hopeful of finding someone who shares my dreams. Life can be lonely sometimes. I have learnt to be aware of my emotions and pick myself up when i need to. i am also becoming better at parenting my two daughters alone. sometimes single parenting feels like trying to move that mountain alone. Inspite of all these pressures i find myself doing pretty well and im so grateful for that. Merry Christmas to you, and may the Lord continue to bless and keep you.

    1. Admin

      I too share your hope of finding someone who shares my dream! I think this will be our year. I’m not a parent, but have often thought being a single parent is the hardest job ever. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well with it, despite the difficulties that come with the role. Thank you for your Christmas wishes and blessings. I wish you the same, Ann.

  6. Empath

    Thank you Admin! May you have a wonderful and blessed holiday season. May all us strong beautiful survivors spread love and empathy through the world, I wish everyone a great season. This blog and your words are the best presents I could ever recieve. May all the past demons (p-paths) that hurt us ,have a rotten season and they all go bald and their teeth rot from their warped skulls.

    1. Admin

      Thank you, Empath. I hope you have a wonderful and blessed holiday season, and that it continues all through the New Year!

      LOL, Amen.

      1. Empath

        Thanks love! Sorry to sound cruel but, think I am still angry. Actually I wish them a lifetime of painful boredom. Hugs! xo

        1. Admin

          Boredom is their worst fate, far worse than baldness and bad teeth!
          Whatever you’re feeling is safe to express here. Hugs to you, too, Empath xo

  7. Thank you for this beautiful message of hope. I couldnt ‘do’ Christmas this year because I am in such a mess from being with someone who can only be a phsycopath or if he is not he has some problem relating to his mind. However with the decorations. the tree and my beautiful and funny nearly grown up children I went through the motions. Then I decided to go get my mother who is in a home and drive her to my sisters for Christmas dinner. My sis didnt want her there as she thought it would be a nuisance and she and my other sister and brother tried to stop me by saying things like,’ you will make her ill’, and ‘ if you take her here you will have to take her to the bathroom we arent’ [ my mum is wheelchair bound now at 85] So hell I just took her anyway and she had such a lovely time and all the grandkids and great gramdkids loved her being there and she was so happy. So the magical feeling of Christmas comes to us in unexpected ways xxx

    1. Admin

      It sure does come in unexpected ways, and I’m glad it came to you! xxx

  8. Shani

    Thank You Admin and all sharing, for the riches you cast in a steadfast way. You embraced my life with hope when fear overwhelmed me. Not only with what you wrote or how you so delicately displayed powerful concepts during 2014, but, most of all, how you made me feel.

    This spiritual and emotional bond you are webbing, protect and guide teachable souls to overcome external barriers.

    ‘TO LIVE’ in 2015

    1. Admin

      Thank you, Shani, for letting me know that. Your words mean a lot to me. You brought tears to my eyes (happy tears, of course). Now I need a tissue.

      Yes, ‘TO LIVE’ in 2015 Such a great toast for the New Year!

      1. Admin

        Oh, and ‘steadfast’ happens to be one of my favorite words. I’ve never had anyone use it to describe me before. Thank you.

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