You fell for a psychopath.
You were duped, and you paid dearly. You lost time. You lost faith in others and in yourself. You experienced unimaginable grief. It’s a story that will always be a part of your life.
But this story is not a story of your flaws, weaknesses, or mistakes. You didn’t make mistakes. You believed in people. You trusted people to be as decent inside as you are. You trusted people to be as capable of love as you are. It is actually a story of your best qualities. It’s a story about being human.
Shame is not your burden to carry. Neither is blame, from others or from yourself. What is there to feel shame for? Being a decent, loving and trusting human being? What is there to be blamed for? Being victimized by a predator, one who presented themselves pretending to be the same way?
The psychopath is the only one who deserves shame and blame.
Psychopaths target the best people. It was our best qualities — our ability to give and receive love, to trust another enough to be intimate and vulnerable, to believe in the goodness of another — that enabled them to victimize us. They clearly saw these qualities in us. Within those very qualities you find the psychopath’s motives of envy, spite, and contempt. Within those very qualities you find the psychopath’s ability to victimize. That can’t be justified. No matter what. You can not and did not cause this to happen to yourself. It is beyond the realm of explainable or acceptable human behavior. It can never be justified.
Something unimaginable, something ugly, something unknown and unexpected entered our lives. A depraved imitation of a human took advantage of you, lied to you, manipulated you, used you and devalued you. Nobody ever brings that on themselves. It didn’t happen because of some fault or flaw or weakness in you — it happened because of all that is good in you, and because a warped mind took that goodness and twisted it for its’ own sick purpose.
That truth can be hard to understand.
I once heard the greatest gift you can give someone is the gift of being understood. Understanding is a gift… and it’s one you can and should give to yourself.
Knowing why and how it happened brings understanding. With that understanding comes the recognition that you were not the one who was responsible, and the recognition that you are worthy of holding yourself in high esteem and deserving of all that is good and decent.
To learn more about vulnerabilities, please read “Why You?”
♥ Thank you for reading.
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“I loved the author’s ability to simply and compassionately describe why, and how, I feel victim to a monster. For me, she eloquently describes the most complex, confusing, horrific experience of my life.. To the author, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
“Her writing was like discovering a mentor, a friend, a sponsor, a confident who understood, who explained in detail what happened to me in my relationship with this man. I felt like something in the universe directed me to her. Her books will help you understand the hows and whys of what you went through. Your healing can begin with her writings.”
“Invaluable. Having been in a relationship with a psychopath for many years, I desperately needed some insight into what had happened and why. I have gained a tremendous amount of strength and knowledge toward healing from years of abuse by reading this book. One of the best.”
“Spot on! Everything I needed to know to gain closure! Absolutely 100% what I was searching for! I highlighted SO much of this book. It validated my feelings, spoke to my heart, opened my eyes and set me on a path to closure! So glad I read it!!”