He captured my attention, right away.
I didn’t know why. All he was doing was leaning casually against a wall in the back of the room, hands in his pockets, chewing a piece of gum and looking down at his shoe. He certainly wasn’t someone I’d normally take special notice of; there was nothing about the way he looked or dressed or acted that stood out to me, and he was much older than anyone I’d be interested in, in a romantic sense. He didn’t seem to be paying any attention to me. I remember wondering what it was about him that caught my eye and made me so curious.
I learned the hard way what “curiosity killed the cat” truly means.
As it turns out, Curiosity and Wonder are two of the “messengers of intuition,” according to Gavin de Becker, author of The Gift of Fear. His phrase has an ominous sound to it, as it should. These messengers are warnings. They are harbingers. A harbinger is something that indicates or foreshadows what is to come. That gives me a little shudder.
Several terrible months later when I looked back on that first moment I noticed him, he didn’t seem like some man leaning casually against a wall anymore. He seemed like an actor acting like he was just some man leaning casually against a wall. And THAT is what made me take notice, but that small fact remained under my awareness because he wasn’t on a stage, in a play, so I never made the connection. it was only enough to make me take notice and to become curious about my own reaction, which then (unfortunately) turned into curiosity about him.
Why didn’t I get a clear danger signal? Isn’t our intuition supposed to alert us to threats? Yes, but the thing is this: It can only alert us to threats it knows about, ones we have experienced before or heard about from someone or read about somewhere.
My subconscious mind was well aware there was something off, something worth taking note of… yet it wasn’t alarmed enough to send a clear danger signal to my conscious mind. It was recognized as an unknown, which was only enough to cause me to take notice.
No one had told me about the red flags of psychopaths, which are often quite subtle. Those things were not yet in the files.
These harbingers, or “messengers of intuition,” are sometimes our only clue to some subtle red flag that slips by us.
Our intuition isn’t some magical, mysterious, and infallible ability we’re born with. In reality, intuition (or a ‘gut feeling’) is based on our knowledge and experience. Gut feelings seem like sudden, strong judgments whose origin we can’t seem to explain and that seem to emerge from a mysterious inner force, but in reality they don’t. Cognitive science found they actually begin with a perception of something outside ourselves, like a facial expression or a tone of voice. From there, our brain goes into a mode of using its built-in shortcuts. Intuition is an unconscious and lightening-fast associative process in which your brain takes in a situation, does a quick search of its files, and then finds its best match among all of your stored memories and knowledge. Based on what it finds, you ascribe meaning to the situation in front of you, including if something is a danger or not.
The subtle behavioral signals indicating someone might be a psychopath were not in my mind’s database of threats yet (although it did notice something was unusual), so I didn’t get a clear warning or see the danger right in front of me.
Curiosity is but one of the messengers, but remember that if your curiosity is engaged by someone—even though you may have had no interaction with them, and especially if they’re someone you wouldn’t usually take special notice of—take heed. This person may seem to have captured your attention even while doing the most mundane thing, and while not even seeming to notice you. You’ll wonder (another messenger) about this mysterious quality they have that so captured your attention even while they’re doing, seemingly, nothing. You’ll probably interpret it as meaning he or she is someone interesting, someone you should get to know better. The opposite is true.
What it really means is that subconsciously you detect they’re different in some way that may *possibly* make them a threat, but it’s one that isn’t clear or strong enough to register in your conscious mind as a threat—it’s only strong enough to capture your attention.
It’s important to remember the following messengers of intuition so that when you experience them you won’t ignore them, rationalize them or push them aside (or let anyone else encourage you to do so). You’ll see them as harbingers warning you of potential danger, even if you can’t put your finger on exactly what it is.
THE MESSENGERS OF INTUITION
Curiosity
Wonder
Nagging feelings
Persistent thoughts
Dark Humor
Anxiety
Hunches
Gut Feelings
Doubt
Hesitation
Suspicion
Apprehension
Fear
While we might notice fear, anxiety, a strong gut feeling or suspicion as signs of danger ahead, the others—curiosity, wonder, persistent thoughts (that aren’t negative in nature) and dark humor—may not come across as warnings. Watch for those and see them for what they are. Remember, too, that we can rationalize any of them away, and so can someone else.
Please be sure to read the article, Never Trust Your Gut…Unless it Tells You to RUN
♥ Thank you for reading.
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“This book told me in a very concise format what I haven’t learned from two years of very expensive psychoanalysis AND a Master’s degree in Counseling: I’m not crazy! My intuition was not wrong.”
“This book provides instant clarity.”
“Psych RN Rates phenomenal read. In metropolitan practice seeing lots of psychopathology for two plus decades. But I needed this refresher for MY life! Clear, concise, to the point and on target. Everything one needs to identify the behavior in a concrete way and hopefully extricate oneself from toxic relationships, not limited to intimate ones. Fellow readers, if you identify with this book, do seek emotional and/or spiritual counseling and do not allow yourself to be victimized. Bravo to the author.”
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Hi, as time passes I can analyse more clearly the situations I witnessed with my psycho. I agree, he was nothing looking wise, grey unkept hair, badly dressed, shy, awkward, 10 years older than me, yet there was a charisma and a way that he looked at me that made me curious to understand my attraction to him. He wasn’t my “sort” so why was I interested? As time went on , the more trouble I had working out who and what he was yet I was under his spell doing what he wanted, desperate for his approval, and I had become reliant on his every kind word, which became fewer and fewer. Within months he had me doing unbelievable things I am still haunted by. Texting me 60 times all through the day , taking over my life.But how did it happen? I was a very strong person and then he broke me into a mental breakdown unable to cope with normal daily life. Yet why could I not see what was happening. You only recover when you escape them completely. He married someone else immediately , his 5 th wife? Surely the 4 previous should have sent warning bells, red flags? But I was functioning with all my intellect missing ….
Hi, Jenny. Sorry to hear of your ordeal. How did it happen, and how could you not see it coming? I asked myself the very same things at first, so I unraveled the whole thing, thread by thread, and wrote all about exactly how it works in that book there at the end of the post, under the words “I feel like I had an epiphany.” All of it is there.
the first time I met him, he was laying across the hood of his car, smoking a stubby pipe; he looked me up and down, and said ‘well, hello beautiful’..no one had EVER looked at me like that, or said that..looking back, I should have taken off and never stayed long enough to reply..it was an act and it worked! I had these vague feelings of unease, tummy nudges later on, in subsequent encounters with him..but I had NO idea what they meant or how to deal with them..BAD MISTAKE
It’s all an act with all of them. Some acts are more outrageous than others, but it’s a numbers game for them. Mine had an act that worked. I think of him now as having been formulaic. It may have been a bad mistake, but now we know. Experience is usually our teacher; we just don’t realize that unless something bad happens. There’s no blame or shame in it.
My mistake turned into marriage over 29 years long, 3 grown sons who turned out (surprise!) like him in many ways. There is no do-over, no going back.
I’m sorry to hear it, Vanessa, and very sorry your sons took after him. There is no do-over, it’s true, and no going back. You can go forward, though, with self-compassion. It worries me a little to hear you say it was your mistake, because I sense some self-blame in it. It’s a mistake that’s made with a lot of “help,” and one that many people make, because they’re human. Sorry if I’ve misinterpreted what you meant—it’s difficult to go on just a few words. But if you are blaming yourself, please read the article, “The Self-Compassion Effect.” Best wishes.
I thought that by now I knew all the signals, and yet……He was short, he had a potbelly, bald, although educated, he made some nasty grammatical mistakes….but his eyes were so kind, so warm. I thought no more tall good looking dudes with a big ego” god’s gift to women” no he was not going to break my heart. He was SO much in love with me from the beginning. I was so kind, so intelligent, so funny, So beautiful ( well im not a dog) on and on…he wnted a monogamous relationship and be with me forever. I told him that i never wanted to marry again and that would always keep my condo nor would I ever move to Florida. Fine with him, he undersood and admire my honesty and independance. I fell in love with him and his gentleness. When we were not together we were on the phone a lot. AH, he was an amazing lover, amazing!! then one day, in the middle of a misunderstanding with his brother in law over a restaurant bill, he threw a hand full of cash in his face….after that he bcame more and more detached from me and told me that he was falling out of love with me because I liked air conditioning and had drank too much of his coffee ( I always brought my own, but his Keurig was faster) How ould we have talked of forever…..ridiculous. It did hurt me because I loved him in so many ways. He mocked us, what we had, became belittling in 6 hrs. It was so painful. I left, told him that i had been so happy for 3 mos, but that no one deserves this kind of treatments. Then I drove away, never to come back, but for three months i fels SO loved, SO loved.
Hi, Danielle. I know exactly what you mean, believing they would be a good change from big egos. Now we know. Sad to say that kind, warm eyes are not always the sign of a kind, warm person. It takes time to really get to know someone. It seems that 3 months was the cut-off point for many of us. Good for you for leaving; I let it come to a slow and very painful end for another five months. It’s amazing how they can go from “loving” us so much to despising us for silly things like using up the coffee! When their dopamine kick wears out, they’re done.
i forgot someting childish, but it will make us laugh,Before i drove off, I ergonomically disposed of about $100 dollars of his little blue V pills and told him so as I drove off. More expensive than the coffee I drank.
You did make me laugh! Good for you. Mine was on the little blue pills, too, although he wouldn’t admit it. I knew because when we were together his nose would get stuffed up and he would say, “I must be allergic to you.” I don’t think so! Vasodilators will do that to you. Caffeine and Viagra, that’s what he lived on to maintain his frenetic life. Boredom had to be avoided at all costs. He only slept a full night on Tuesdays. Or was it a full day, vampire that he was…
So I dare not comment. I do not understand how to use the Gravatar. I do not know how to communicate here to protect my identity ? I can not email you. So can you please have someone email me and give me some guidance ?
You dare not comment? You just did! If you don’t know what a gravatar is, you don’t have one. When leaving a comment, don’t give your last name (I deleted yours) or just make up a name. Make up an email address, too, while you’re at it. That’s all there is to it!
Lol. Thank you.
You’re welcome, “Bubba” :-)
I was tossing it back in forth whether to ask this guy at work out. The plant was shutting down for Christmas for a week. This man asked me out a couple of times during the four years I worked there. well, I decided to do it and ask him out and try to get together sometime during our week off. Right when I decided in my mind I was going to do this the A thought entered my mind”this is gonna hurt” but of course I ignored this warning and proceeded.
Turns out he was a psychopath!
I was texting and talking to this man for three months and had all kinds of red flags and ignored them.
It wasn’t until the end after I quit talking to him that I figured it all out.
Very interesting! That’s something I haven’t heard before—a thought out of nowhere that says,“this is gonna hurt.” I’m glad you’re free of him.
We didn’t have sex but it was real close. It’s been a year and a half since the last time I texted him. I still feel very sad, kind of wanted it to work out at the time. Have PTSD slightly and think about him everyday. I figured out also that he is antisocial which makes him a true psychopath. My father was psychopathic but his was due to being hit in the head with a steel pipe. After meeting this man I found myself, I found out that all my life I have been attracted to psychopaths but never realized it. It’s what I learned at home growing up. I believe I am so good at finding the psychopaths that I can walk into A room of 100 people and find the psychopath. I did it serval times before on my life but didn’t recognize it until now. Isn’t that sad! Or should I be glad?
You should be glad, if you can use your remarkable ability to stay away from them. I wish you all the best, Michelle.
The draw for me being attracted to these people is incredible. It feels like home. I’m 54 and just now figuring what I have done all through my life. My specialty is psychopaths and drunks- exactly what my father was. Why did it take me so long to figure this out? I have read the book “women who love psychopaths” and I got all the traits that she listed. Plus my dad being a psychopath doesn’t help.
It can take a long time for some of us to figure it out, especially when family members had these disorders. If it’s what you were used to and familiar with, it would be more difficult to realize how abnormal it really was. It feels like home, as you said. Now that you know, you can break the cycle.
Yes. I did notice the messengers, but I talked myself into ignoring them: this is a relative, he deserves a chance, we have a lot in common, he really has turned his life around, etc. But the mask finally cracked and out came the real deal. I do not know if I became boring or simply no longer useful, he could no longer contain his need to be hurtful and openly manipulative. Unfortunately, I encouraged some other family members to “give him a chance” as well.
It’s something I believe can only be learned from experience. Had you been dealing with someone non-psychopathic, giving him the benefit of the doubt and another chance would be kind and admirable. You didn’t know what you were dealing with.
I gazed eyes with my ex p five years ago and he had me hooked …wish id of never looked in his direction!!! Five years later and two amazing little boys to a monster.
If only I knew about predator eyes!!!
Heartache pain discards hoovering sleeping with hookas dating sites…glad I have my boys but jheeze what a crappy road to go down .
My live at first sight was a horror story come the end .
The one I knew didn’t show his “predator eyes” until late in the game. Before that, they seemingly twinkled with warmth. What a shocking difference.
I wish you and your two amazing little boys all the best, Emma.
Thankyou Adelyn?
Mine too had a twinkling warmth to his eyes that drew me in …that would over time turn predator on me lol…i thankyou for your site it has given me alot of strength to stay no contact .
All the best to everyone on here and stay strong x
I’m really glad to hear it’s given you strength, Emma. That’s so good to hear. You stay strong, too xx
What scares me is I didn’t have any of those red flags. Now that I’m educated, I can see perfectly. Towards the end, I quit waiting for him to make plans with me. (He relished me pondering.) I remember going to a movie and all of the sudden he was hurt I hadn’t made time for him. He texted me the entire movie. I should have run the day I learned he watched as they slid his mother’s dead body into a crematorium. It’s so shocking you don’t have time to process. My gut told me a lot of things but I didn’t listen!! I think because of mixed messages, confusion, seeing one thing and hearing another. I couldn’t reconcile it all. God bless you, Adelyn.
He watched that?! Just the thought of it sickens me. You’re right, you didn’t listen because of all of the confusion. It can’t be reconciled. One thing all of us need to remember, every day forever, is that actions speak the truth, not words. Thank you, and blessings to you, too xx
No matter how smart and savey we are we want to be loved and love, We forget the signs we forget the red flags,this why we need to read more about eachother and teach eachoters, Then eventually we will see that
none of this pain is worthed. We have temporarly become the mirror image of their sick longing, but they will dropp us
or we will run away with a
heart like ground mush, but
soon we will tell ourselves” i
am tired of this shit, How
many of us belong to this
excellent group? or is it
private info
It’s one of the best kept secrets, it seems. 3,500 people visit this website every day. Three million total. Yet no one else seems to know about it (until it happens to them). That’s why I’m here doing this, because no one understood, no one could support me or help me, so I wanted to let people know that someone understands. It seems there are millions of us in this excellent group!
At the ime when I met him, I had been a bit stuck in my life and bored of endless Internet dating as single woman in my thirties…. I met him in real life and one of my first thoughts was “I know he could be trouble but at least two won’t be boring”….. and the second thought was “too good to be true”
… had I only known then how right I was…. yet it took me 8 years to get out on the other side!! Now I’m stuck in a foreign country (to which I followed him) because we have a daughter together…. which is also the reason why I have to keep “walking on eggshells” even after I’m out of the relationship….
But a lot wiser and a lot more appreciative of nice and kind people who in my arrogance back then I would have called “boring”
I met mine in real life, too. He was too good to be true, but I never saw it; I was coming out of a bad time in my life, two years filled with nothing but surgeries, and when I was finally well, on my first night out—which I thought of as “getting back to living”—there he was. I never saw it coming, but he sure did. On the last night I saw him, he told me he picked me because I was so vulnerable. We’re all vulnerable at times and we need to take special care, but even if we’re not, something as simple and normal as wanting a relationship can put us at risk. Psychopaths really make us fully appreciate a lot of things, including ourselves in all of our imperfect, vulnerable, wonderful glory.
I only recently observed myself getting slightly aggressive with some people.. something i don´t know myself to be… turns out every one of them used or tried to use me in an unhealthy way. i started listening to me.. rather testing this and so far it was quite reliable.
We get angry when our boundaries are crossed. If you really think about that, you will see there is no other reason. Even if we don’t know what our boundaries are, we have them, and we react when they’re crossed. I’m glad you’re listening to yourself, Kirsten.
Your recent post on curiosity was very interesting. Yes, I did receive warnings of “curiosity” “apprehension” no fear because I had not yet met a Narcissist, a Sexual Addict or a person with traits of Antisocial behavior. So I viewed the possible alarm/gut feeling as I was out of my ordinary type of relationship, but that I should have evolved enough to be strong enough to investigate “different”. I was wrong, as it turns out. Years later, he finally wore me out, there was no more energy to put into a lost cause. Some of us take years to give up, hoping against hope that everyone is salvageable and that our energies have not been wasted and that all human beings have commonalities of compassion, caring, concern and respect for others. This is not the case. It is important to learn this and harvest your energies for yourself. Listen to the warnings posted in this article, be weary, if it requires too much energy with little return, it is not for you. A lesson learned late is still a lesson learned.
That’s so true. After we’ve invested so much into a relationship we don’t want it to be wasted, and we end up wasting more (but our intentions were good ones, and had we been with someone normal, there may have been hope). Until we understand there are people who are drastically different from us, we believe everyone has basic commonalities, such as compassion. I agree, C, better late than never!
I also was not permitted to read the articles placed on the right of the computer screen.
Sorry you’re having problems. Do you mean the articles listed in the sidebar? Were you unable to click on them? Would you please tell me what browser you’re using—Firefox, IE, etc, and what version it is, if you haven’t been updating it? It’s impossible to get a website to work properly in outdated browsers, and impossible to get one to work as it should with Internet Explorer, even if it’s the latest version. I use Chrome. FF is also good.
I am 15 years out of the x’s control. What really, and mean really, bothers me is that he is on facebook and has friended all of my blood relative nieces, nephews, and sister-in-law. His postings are pseudo-inspirational posters and quotes. He comes off as if he is a demi-god holding all of the truths to riotousness. He wears his mask well, as well as walks around in sheep’s clothing. It hurts me deeply that these relatives are sucked in by him, with them knowing all the in’s and out’s of how our marriage went, they know about the lying, cheating, and theft out of our bank accounts, which left me almost penniless in the early months of the divorce. I know I have no control over the situation. My question is, why don’t they get the gut feelings, the red flags and warning signs? And why do they cling on to his every word and why is he clinging onto my family?
I’m sorry this is happening, and I’m sure it must hurt you deeply. It’s quite possible he’s clinging to your family as a way to keep hurting you. I believe that when people haven’t been personally involved, they really can’t understand. Even if you’ve told them what he did. They’re seeing a different side of him. Even so, knowing what they know, it must feel like a betrayal to you that they engage with him at all. Do they communicate with him at all outside of Facebook? Maybe it’s just a superficial engagement because they feel uncomfortable blocking him. Although they know what he did to you, they probably won’t get their own gut feelings or red flags since he’s just posting inspirational quotes and posters. How is your relationship with them? Do they know how much this bothers you? Have you told them? If not, maybe it would help to tell them how you feel about it. It might seem obvious that they should know, but things aren’t always the way they should be, especially when a manipulator is involved. Make it clear that it’s important to you to communicate with the family on FB, but it’s very upsetting to have your ex-abuser in the mix and have family members engaging with him. If you do, I hope there is a good outcome. It may depend on how manipulated they are. Good luck with it, Pamela.
Yes, I’ve thought of this many times through the years. In college, in the BIBLE STUDY, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him and yet wasn’t attracted to him (though he was very handsome). So odd that I was mesmerized, yet not attracted. He has completely destroyed my life and I’m in my late 50s now with no children, my constant heartbreak, and he has a daughter that he had with my bank teller… Mr. “Christian”…
That’s just the way I felt at first—mesmerized, yet not attracted. I’m very sorry you didn’t have the children you wanted because of him, and that you see your life as destroyed. Is there some other way to have children in your life, such as nieces and nephews, or some kind of volunteer work? Personally, I find that my pets fulfill any maternal instinct I might have, although I admit I have no regret about not having children. I realize how important is is to you and to many people, though. There’s a blog post you might like to read, one that might give you an idea of another option in dealing with all of this: WANT TO RECLAIM YOUR POWER? RE-WRITE YOUR STORY It’s about re-framing trauma. I hope it will help you, Deborah.
Thanks Adelyn. I have pets and I’ve been a teacher, but come home and am heartbroken. As you can imagine, it’s been a long, long story, and I came SO close to having a different life, and he sabotaged that too. Oh, how I wish I had all the information that I have now. I was clinging to the book People of the Lie 20 years ago with his first affair, and thought I’d never, never, ever be drawn back in. But he is what I call, “high level” and infiltrated every area of my life, including churches, friends, even hobbies that I took up. He has a lucrative business that I spent seven years helping him build, and forced me to sign everything over during the drawn out legal separation. He used my deep faith to make me feel guilty for moving on. So I became frozen and didn’t date either one of the two very nice guys, just nice guys. Not “Mr. Wonderful” like him. They’ve since married and have families and they are great husbands with happy wives. By becoming stuck, I eventually became vulnerable again due to life issues of bad health, and loosing parents. He made his move, etc. So many details of how he got me into the triangulation with the last woman. They BOTH abused and bullied me. I became that person that you always say, I would never put up with such things. Why does she stay? Etc., etc. I became the person I never thought for a second I would. I’m sorry I’ve written so much. I’ve seen the “Re-Write Your Story” and i’ll definitely try to do it. I knew what I wanted from a young age. I wanted to be a stay at home mom, write fiction, and do art. I’m built to have that kind of traditional life, and I’ve always thought that the stages of life, marrying, having children, then grand-children are simply what life is mainly about. I try to get up every day with the attitude, I’ll try to do some kind of good in this world, because I feel that I’m living someone else’s life, and not my destiny, so I can at least do good, and have a purpose. I will definitely follow through with the story re-write.
I hope you will; re-framing trauma is powerful. Your experience was complex, what with him infiltrating so much of your life, but don’t give up. You know, the ideal life we imagine we could have had is always perfect, but who knows what the reality might have been? It is said that the secret of happiness is wanting what you have, not having what you want. Choose the life you have now, instead of thinking of it as the result of mistakes. Choose it, and see what happens. You have nothing to lose, since you’re already living it. If you chose it, you would stop fighting it. It could be transformative.
Yes. Two things. I know in my deepest core (without going through all of the many details) that God was absolutely busy working things out for a good (not perfect) but very good life compared to what I’ve ended up experiencing w/the P. and all of the trauma and memories that I’m not even supposed to have had that haunt me. That said, you are so right about “what do you have to lose?” That is so true. I need to grasp anything that may help , because I really don’t have a lot left to lose!
Try something different, and see what happens. I wish you the best of luck with it Deborah. Please come back and let me know how it’s going xx
Thanks so much for what you are doing Adelyn. So helpful for so many people. (And your writing is really beautiful.) Much better than others I have read on the same subject. You have a way of getting to the point with simplicity and yet the pictures you paint touch the mind and heart, leaving knowledge on the heart level that the reader can take with her.
Thank you so much, Deborah! I truly appreciate that. It’s a terrible trauma, and there’s not enough help out there. It’s good to know my writing is making a difference. In fact, you made my day!
I’m glad. Just speaking truth…
Thanks :-)
(And was looking at those kitty photos again. Poor little kitty…)
I’m sure the kitty is fine… unless that mushroom smelled like tuna
Very good article. I have a theory about what are narcopaths & what is thier purpose in this world! I think they are controlled & packed by hidden system that projectes thoughts, feelings & desireies into our heads & bodies. I did big research to find out what is that system! I concluded my reserch that they have been sent & backed by an artificial intelligence that we can not see or feel! my whole reserch is on my youtube channel & I would like you to take a look at it then tell me what you think.
I could not copy & paste my channel address! you can find it by the channel name: Liberty for scapegoats/ narcissism survivor’s info
Golden, I can almost believe it after what I’ve experienced. But you’re talking to a real skeptic. I’ll post your YouTube channel and let others decide for themselves. Sorry you were unable to cut and paste; I had to disable it to prevent people from taking entire articles, posting them on their own websites, and putting in their names as the author. And several of these plagiarists were therapists (licensed social workers and psychologists), who were benefiting from my work. I realize they’ll find a way to do it, but I had to do what I could to stop them. I’m sorry if it inconveniences you and others.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCE8MpeGBvMrnRRSxiI738oQ
Don’t they ever love us at all? :(
Well, Graeme, truly psychopathic people aren’t capable of love, so I’m sorry to say the answer is no. You can find out more about their motivations here: It’s Not You, It’s Me… and My Hyper-Reactive Dopaminergic Reward System
Hi AB,
You blocked me from commenting about the time you wrote about having a troll, but I wasn’t your troll. Hopefully this reaches you as I want to refer people to your site and your books from my own site. I’m a bit concerned that you will not want me to mention you or your work, which was so helpful to me in my recovery. Hope this gets through.
I never thought you were a troll! I don’t know how you got blocked, and I apologize for that, Nicola. My security software is only supposed to block bots. If it happens again, please contact me using a different computer (so your IP address is different) and let me know. I hope it hasn’t happened to anyone else!
I’m very happy to hear the site and books have helped you in your recovery. Of course you can refer them to others.
Again, my apologies. xx