Heartfelt holiday wishes, gratitude, and thanks to each of you, without whom this website would be nothing more than words written on the ether. They are only given meaning when they connect with you.
May the holidays and the coming year bring you abundant Love, Peace, and Joy.
♥ Adelyn
A beautiful holiday poem from Linda…
AFRICAN CHRISTMAS
Each Christmas Eve, at midnight,
Beneath the Southern skies,
A miracle most marvelous
Occurs for those whose eyes
Can see such wonders, and whose hearts
Can celebrate delight:
The animals begin to gather,
Moving through the night;
The great and small, the fierce and mild,
The predator and prey,
Come now to stand together
Putting enmity away
And in this moment out of time
All natural instincts cease;
They honor Him who gave them life
With this, their gift of peace.
In silence every animal
Stands waiting, hushed and calm,
Released from ancient heritage
Of anger and alarm;
All heads are turned together toward
The blazing heavens afar,
All eyes are gazing, wondering,
At one great glorious star.
© Linda ~ 1996
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Your message and song are so lovely! … All the blessings of the season to you Adelyn, and a bright new year filled with health, peace and joy. You have given me – and so many others – the precious gifts of freedom and sanity. I am more grateful than I can ever express. Thank you! xox
Thank you so much, Linda! xox
This website has kept me on track and sane. I am truly on the road to recovery, after two years of suffering. Thank you so very, very much. Merry Christmas wonderful you. Xo
Thank you, Angela! I’m so happy the site has kept you on track and sane; that’s the best thing that I could possibly hear. xoxo
Thank you for your warm wishes, but this is a hard Christmas. First one totally alone ( my own family has other plans) I am just recovering from a brief but really hard ” ghosting” breakup. I try to be joyful….but this is so hard. Danielle
I remember how hard it is. That’s exactly why I’m sending these wishes your way, Danielle, and everyone. May even just a little ray of light enter your heart and give you hope.
Dear Danielle, I know how very painful this is for you. The holidays are very emotional, and when we are in pain it is even more wrenching. I know it is not the same as having us there, but I hope you will believe that many of us are supporting you and understanding how you are feeling, and wishing comfort and hope and healing for you in the new year. You are part of a community now, and we are with you. Sending you love, Linda
Thank you, dear Adelyn and dear Linda. thank you for your warm wishes and friendship. Knowing you and this excellent website is making a huge difference. Thank you for thi beautiful community.
Danielle
I’m happy that you’re part of it, Danielle.
Stay close Danielle… we are on this journey together! – xx
Merry Christmas to you too Adelyn!
Christmas is a marker for me. Each Christmas away from the psychopath I measure my growth. This is Christmas number 3 and I am so much stronger than I was last year. This time last year I was confused, believing he had changed and the new woman was enjoying the benefits of a new and improved man. I was feeling envious, seeing photos of the happy couple traveling and looking deeply in love. This Christmas I don’t really care what he’s doing. No matter how happy he is portraying himself to be, I know he’s fighting boredom. I know he is still the same old psychopath and she must be living a tortured existence. I feel sorry for her because I know sadness and despair are guaranteed in her future. I thank God I am free and so yes, this will be a very Merry Christmas.
Thank you for all of the work you do! xox
Thank you, Dee. I’m so glad to hear you’re going to have a very merry Christmas!
I think this is Christmas number 3 for me, too… I’m not sure, and that’s probably a very good sign :-)
Yes, it is number three. I never spent Christmas with him, though, and that makes a difference.
Thank you Adelyn, just beautiful, the song and the Christmas. message, and many happy returns. Just a wee message to Danielle, hang on in there xxx and extending the Christmas spirit to ye at this hard time and hoping the new year brings all that ye wish for. 2016 has a wonderful ring about it, here’s to us all xxx
Here’s to you, Totallybel, and to us all! xxxx
Warmest wishes and gratitude to you as well. <3
Thank you very much, Red!
Thank you Adelyn for your warm wishes, I wish you all the best..and to all people are here on this site..KM.
Thanks a million, KM. Warmest wishes to you.
Merry Christmas!! Thank you everyone on this site. We are all survivors and have all helped each other immeasurably!! Thank you most dear owner of the blog. You have saved us all!!
Thank you, Carol! And all of you saved me. I was quite the mess when I started this site, and when fellow survivors started to appear I didn’t feel alone anymore.
Your analysis and determination to provide such insightful information, guidance and comfort is a precious precious gift … far exceeding gold, incense and myrrh, of the three wise men… your wisdom is profound and so relevant to overcoming the sense of entitlement that I think the majority of men have, in relation to women in most cultures of the world…
Thank you for your profound intelligence, courage, and healing words – I have shared your website far and wide.
Oh my goodness, thank you so much, Yasmin. I’m speechless. I never could have imagined what this website would become or the abundance of precious gifts I would receive from those who visit. To say it has been rewarding is an understatement.
Thank you Adelyn for this website! Your ‘Red Flags of a Psychopath’ was the milestone I needed to confirm that I was on the right track, and your posts and replies to everyone’s comments add so much depth to what I’m learning.
What a lovely song! I like it when she smiles playfully at the dog, it’s not just a plastic rehearsed song, I can hear the smile in her voice at such moments, that video is a killer!
Thank you, BetterBe!! “Red Flags” has been the place many readers have had that “ah-ha” moment. I agree, the comments add so much, and communicating with readers is the best part for me. I love that video! It’s just what I was looking for. It’s so simple yet so powerful, and the connection between the singer and her sweet little dog is so touching and so real.
I have been getting your posts for about a year. I am off work as a result of depression related to my connection with a narcissist/psychopath ??? whatever and don’t know if I will ever recover. You have been like a good friend to me in fact the only one who understands. Happy holidays and new year! You are a godsend.
Brandy, I’m glad that I’ve been a friend to you and someone who understands. Thank you.
I’m so sorry to hear about the depression you feel. You have to believe you WILL recover; you have the ability and the potential. I don’t doubt that for a moment, and neither should you. Some of us need more time and help to get there. One important way to help yourself is to find a therapist — one who specializes in abuse and trauma. I had therapy for close to a year, and it helped. This is a major trauma you’ve gone through. Don’t try to go it alone. If what you’ve been doing so far isn’t helping you enough then you need to try a different approach, that’s all. It doesn’t mean you’ll never be well. I hope that you’ll take my advice, and that you’ll come back and let me know how it’s going. I wish you all the best, Brandy.
brandy – I remember feeling the way you feel now. I thought I would never feel happy again. When I left the psychopath I had nothing, not even a job because everything in my life revolved around him. While I was in the depths of despair, he was off with a new woman and they were all smiles. He was happy and in love and even though I left him, I felt dumped and abandoned.
I am here to tell you that you will get better. What helped me most was studying the disorder. Read, read and then re read. Also, whenever I missed him, I dissected him. I would say: “Whenever I become sentimental and miss Paul, I will remember how he enjoyed seeing me suffer over his many affairs. I will remember how he loved to sexually degrade woman. I will remember the details of emails I read, revealing his true character. I will remember how he is a fraud and never finishes anything he starts. I will remember how he pretended to be a man he is not, so that I would fall in love with him… etc.” Doing this helped me to get my head on strait. How could I love this man? The real man is a creature who has no heart.
Sometimes, when I get sentimental now, I quickly stop myself because I know that man does not exist. I really fell in love with the best parts of me. That man is now someone else. He’s morphed into the woman he’s with, doing things she likes to do. I feel so sorry for her because I know, like me, she will crash from this high. Only she’ll have it worse because he’s conning her out of a lot of money.
Be gentle on yourself. Relief is happening, slowly and surly.
Adelyn – Thank you for all that you do. Merry Christmas.
Thank you, Lola! Merry Christmas!
Adelyn, what a wonderful site this has turned out to be. When he walked out on me, i was so devastated. It isonly after reading and rereading about the disorder and educating myself from many sites was i finally able to wrap my brain around what the disorder is all about. And when you begin to recognise the symptons , they are boring in that they can be spotted once you inculcate the practice of observation.
It has been three years for me too out of the relationship, and the gift if you could call it that was that i can spot a player a mile away. They are so boring now.
Thank you for being a beacon of light for all of us . The information that i have gathered from here and the knowledge gained is priceless. Merry Christmas Adelyn and may the New Year bring with it health and happiness. God bless you for all you do.
Thank you, Ann! It seemed to take on a life of its own!
There could be nothing better than being that beacon of light for all of you. I’ll never know how that happened, but it is a vocation I value and treasure. God bless you too, Ann.
I don’t know if I ever would have been able to understand what happened to me without this site. It changed my life and enabled me to feel whole again. Thank you!
You’re welcome, Lori, and thank you for letting me know! I’m truly happy my work made a difference for you. I couldn’t hope for a better outcome than that!
Dear friends , to all of you…..beware of their new tricks, especially during holiday time. The tempting offer of ” can we stay friends” only to get slammed down the road with a ” forget about me, I don’t want to cause you pain”. Thank God, it was e-mail only and a low voice, seductive voice mail. Block your phone. He/they care only about gaining power back. I fell back a few emotional steps , but went on foreward , remembering how more painful it was to love him, to feel belittle. Would you accept Hitler’s friendship ??? Hello girl, hello Danielle, hang in there. I will with the friendship and advice of this community. Merry Christmas to all
Good advice. Stay strong, Danielle.
I’ve read about “Holiday Hoovering” – an amusing name for a dangerous game… the predators know that we could be vulnerable during this emotional time of the year, and they may make contact to tempt us back to them. Stay strong! This is just another game.
The guy I was with tried a few times. I never responded. I did at first, to a couple of texts. Then I realized for me it was like drug rehab. I had to get and stay clean of him so no more responding. At all, ever. Then out of the blue he emailed me in November. I ignored it. He committed suicide two weeks after that. His sister showed up where I work, telling me she and his daughter had read his email (he’d left passwords, etc. in his note) and saw that he’d emailed me. I felt they were faintly accusatory. Like, why didn’t I respond. His sister actually said “you didn’t respond”. I told her no, I never responded when he contacted me. That at some point I chose to do what was right for me. I felt they put me in a terrible position, showing up at my workplace. Two years since I left him and still,even after death I felt he found a way to try to place blame on me, through his family. Who, by the way, HAD to have realized to some extent what he was. They never stop. You must never, ever respond to them. No matter what they say.
That’s terrible, Lori. It’s an extreme example of victim-blaming, and I’m sorry it happened to you.
No one is under any obligation to sacrifice their own life for an abuser. We have no social obligation to be victimized – ever.
Yes, you did NOTHING wrong, but protecting your heart and sanity. This is blackmail from beyond the grave!!! His family of course must have known and their behavior is unacceptable socially, You are a very strong person. This community must be proud and loving of you. Danielle
Thank you. We have to give each other the support we need because often I am not sure friend and family really get what we went through. Truly understand it. *I* didn’t even understand it at first. It’s my second holiday since I left (the one smart thing I did) and I am stronger, but sadder. I have not been able to trust a man since that happened to me or trust myself so I think for me, it’s over as far as ever trying again.
I don’t think they realized the true extent of the damage he did. They knew he would find women, introduce the woman and within a certain amount of time she would be gone. His sister-in-law told me she hardly bothered to get to know them any more. I remember running into his neighbor after he and I split and his neighbor said they have seen women move in with him and then move back out. So a lot of people knew he had relationship issues but said things to me like “he had to have his own way” and “he could be difficult”. I felt either they really did not know or minimized but I suspect his sister HAD to know, as well as his daughter. However, they are grieving so I did my best to behave respectfully, even if they did show up at my workplace. I am the one who became friends with one of his other ex’s when we met on a Facebook group, by chance. However, she got back in contact with his sister and daughter and I told her to me that was almost as damaging as being in contact with him. Way too enmeshed. None of the people in his life called me after I left to see how I was doing. I crawled out of his house emotionally shattered and they wanted to know why I didn’t email him in return? No thanks. Once was enough.
It sounds like they tried to make you a scapegoat, to relieve their own guilt.
Dear Adelyn,
Thank you so much for putting your time, effort, brains into this Blog and for sharing your journey, your joys & sorrow, struggles, insights and wisdom with us!
Following your blog has helped me so much in my healing from narcissistic abuse; no words can express how much really. Your light and intelligence shine through every single post you publish here, I especially love the in-depth approach and the allegories and metaphorisms from literature and other Art that you are using – this is an outstanding and very unique approach in dealing with the subject, no other ‘post narcopath abuse blog’ compares to yours!
I have had countless ‘aha-moments’ thanks to your blog, and reading your posts has always (!) given me a sense of validation. Moving forward, growing, gaining strengh and taking control of the experience and myself again… what you write always resonnates with me, every time without fail, I feel connected to you and the other narcopath abuse survivors/thrivers in so many ways – what a wonderous thing the Internet is, after all, another level of universal law and unity:-)
I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2016 filled with joy, happiness and interesting stuff!
Love & Greetings from Germany!
? Alice
Thank you with all of my heart, Alice! Your words mean the world to me, and more.
The internet is truly a wondrous thing. It makes it possible for us to connect, regardless of time and distance, so that we can support each other. Another level of universal law and unity, indeed!
MERRY CHRISTMAS to you, Adelyn…and to all my Sisters who have found the courage and strength to “move on ” !! MAY YOU BE BLESSED IN EVERY WAY!
As well, to those who may find themselves feeling alone at this time of the year and wondering if you made the right decision to end your relationship with a SOCIOPATH….well, you did! YOU WERE THE PICTURE OF BEAUTY AND LOVE WITHIN YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIP……he mirrored YOU!! He was an empty shell who preyed upon you ! YOU WERE THE TREASURE !! AND YOU WILL FOREVER BE !!!!! Love to all ! Carolyn
THANK YOU, Carolyn, for your Blessings and Wisdom! Merry Christmas!
Thank you Carolyn, on this strange Christmas morning, first one alone in 7 years, my children and family are all away….Nobody calls of course, its all texts. I keep on telling myself that nobody can take better care of me than me, but it still feels very hard. Thank you for your wonderful words and for this excellent website. I do not miss him strangely enough. His last email was so pompous and ridiculous that it washed away a lot of stuff. As we say in France, ” Le ridicule tue” Ridicule kills. So true. Maybe its not very spiritual of me… but i don’t feel that I have to forgive… just let it go. It is getting easier. Love is about KINDNESS , RESPECT and TENDERNESS. Merry Christmas to all of you, dear friends!
Petit a petit, l’oiseau fait son nid. Vouloir, c’est pouvoir.
I hope you’ll do something nice for yourself today. I remember my first Christmas after it ended. I took my dog for a long walk in the woods, and roasted a chicken. Small things, but they seemed like affirmations of life at that time. Merry Christmas to you, too, Danielle.
I did survive a bit of a blue christmas. It was actually not roaring fun, but I was good to myself. I do love my place and as maman used to say” Let your little house put its arms around you ” Aloness certainly is better than being on the edge of the next wave of his nastiness. Love to all, dear friends
I’m glad to hear you survived, and I know being in a place you love helps. I like your maman’s words very much.
When we’re dealing with the aftermath, the holidays can seem like a brutal endurance test.