Traits of the Psychopath’s Victim

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Do you have traits that make you vulnerable to psychopathic manipulation?

There are certain traits we may have that make us more likely to be victimized by psychopaths. This in no way suggests a victim is to blame — the predator is clearly the one to blame. Everyone has vulnerabilities, but that’s only a problem because there are those who will exploit them.

These traits apply to both men and women. As you read them, you may find you have several. It’s important to know what yours are, so you can be alert for someone who is zeroing in on them.

To learn more about vulnerabilities, please read “Why You?”

Traits of the psychopath’s victim:

A general demeanor of vulnerability, which the psychopath can easily detect. Vulnerability can come from many things:

Not having gotten love, support or validation from your family of origin

Isolation from friends and family

Loss of a job

Being new in town

Longing for a relationship

A strong need for attention, approval or support

A previous victimization that is unresolved


Long-term stress

Loss of a loved one through death, divorce or a breakup

Weak or unclear personal boundaries

Boredom. When you’re bored, you have the desire for excitement. A brand new relationship can relieve boredom quickly — especially one with a psychopath.

Loneliness. If you’re lonely, your unmet social and emotional needs create an opening for a psychopath to enter your life. You’re probably also bored, which elevates risk. You may have gotten used to feeling like this, so it just seems like life as usual. But a psychopath — who is very adept at reading people — will recognize it for what it is, and take advantage of it.

Even traits we normally think of as positive can be used against us by a psychopath:

  • Are you extroverted? This can increase your risk, because extroverted people are easily bored and generally curious, and are usually looking for excitement.
  • Do you “go with the flow?” This trait could make you more willing to accept the chaos a psychopath creates in your life.
  • Are you competitive? Then you’re better able to deal with a psychopath’s dominant personality. You’re also more likely to stubbornly hold on when it seems the psychopath is doing all he can to get you to end the relationship.
  • Are you sentimental? Then you may be more likely to focus on the good memories of a relationship instead of the bad ones.
  • Are you sensitive to other people’s feelings? You probably care a lot about what others think of you, and tend to put their feelings ahead of your own.
  • Are you relaxed and carefree? Then you may not see danger in a person or situation as readily as a cautious person might.
  • Other traits that will put you at risk are being overly trusting, very loyal, and committed to helping others reach their potential.

**Notice that most of us are described on this page. Most people are at risk, whether they think so or not.

Awareness of the vulnerabilities and traits that put you at risk is an important part of preventing involvement with a psychopath. To learn more about these and other traits, read the book by Sandra Brown, M.A., “Women Who Love Psychopaths.”

“Know yourself. Psychopaths are skilled at detecting and ruthlessly exploiting your weak spots. Your best defense is to understand what these spots are, and to be extremely wary of anyone who zeroes in on them.”

Dr. Robert Hare, How to Spot Social Predators Before They Attack

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34 thoughts on “Traits of the Psychopath’s Victim”

  1. Brettani

    This is me and i have been manipulated and i am very sad. Been manipulated for a whole year and a half and i can say it’s been hell. It’s very very hard to get out of that relationship. Once he shows no interest in you fucking run as fastas you can , becaue once no one wants tocare about him and once he needs to feel way more better about himself, oh he will come running back to you!!!! FUCKING RUN I SAY!!! i am everything that was described above! i lost my respect for myself i grew very bitter and sad, i become a stalker and wanting to find out if he has cheated on me when we were together! i am telling you manipulating is no fucking joke they will rip you to shreds! get out while you still can, its very hard very hard, but when they leave you an dgive you the cold shoulder, delete there number and run really fasttt!! I am beig ralistic here. I am just now noticing and now i am not blind anymore, i still get those feelings were he can do know wrong and that even the samllest good rules out all the wrong doing he has done to me, it’s hard to resist the urge to call him. He tossed me to the side and wants no relationship but wants to be friends, this was is new weapon at me over the years of being together he dumps me and flirts with me and leaves me hanging. Gosh how if ihad support in my life more support i would have gotten away early in the raltionship. What else sucks is living with the manipulator damn every women out there or man fucking watch out.

    Also to those manipulators out there you will get karma maybe not now or tomorrow but soon it’s going to take you down a serious mental fuck road.

    1. prianka

      You are absolutely correct. No doubt…Each and every pain you hv been through is felt from the way you hv mentioned. .The longer one stay with these manipulates, the harder it becomes to get out of them. They are cruel and toxic abnormal ppl who will eat you bit by bit….It pains….RUN AND DARE YOU LOOK BACK…..!!!!

  2. edelestewart

    THERE PARASITES FILLED WITH JEALOUSY!! They really are SAD LOOSERS!! IMAGINE HOW SICK IN THE HEAD TO PLAN N PLOT HOW TO PLAY DIFFERENT PEOPLE!! THEY CERTAINLY DESERVE TO SUFFER AND MAY GOD BLESS ALL THE SURVIVORS OF THESE SICK DIRTY ASS HOLES!! They come across so normal, but they do act very strange, excuses excuses excuses… Mine had a strange creepy walk.. An unnatural stare but always covered his bulging horrid eyes with sunglasses!! Always had an excuse as to why he wore them!! Please GOD he gets exactly what he deserves in this life and that’s NOTHING!! He is a FAKE!! IT’S ACTUALLY REALLY EASY TO PLAY THEM, then u see the little child they really are…. Oh yeah the big bully is what they think IM LAUGHING OUT LOUD….

  3. Kat

    Everything listed here is very true – do not trust men immediately, but have them earn your trust in a course of a year or two, and keep your emotions intact while he is doing so. I grew up with a psychopath father, and have been involved with 3+ clear psychopaths, the last two especially stand out. Both were EXTREMELY charming and attentive, promised the sky and the stars, but both ended up stalking me when I said I needed some time and space to sort things out and eventually both required police intervention. The time between the two encounters was 7 years, and I am somewhat proud to say that the last one took me very little time to recognize, and to keep him at a distance before he used me (like the one before him did) without getting into an actual relationship with him. Though I am not very proud of paying attention to the last guy at all, I am happy I made some progress in overcoming my problems / addictive traits / insecurity. Recently I started wondering what traits in me attracted all the above (my father still verbally and emotionally abuses me, his best “card” being the 6th Commandment – which by the way is reciprocal for how parents should treat children, though he fails to hear it), and after seeing this website I can attest that it has very accurate info on the abuser and abused. Happy I can get some clarity on what the hell kept me attracted to the guys just like my father, who never approved of me and who keeps abusing me years after years… It’s so sad that I am 33 today and am still not completely healed over my past, but I am happy to share this on this site in order for someone hopefully to read it and to listen to this website’s advice supported by my testimony.

  4. Kat

    Thank you, admin!
    You’re right about tolerance – with men I say what I mean now and went straight to police after the last guy didn’t respect my boundaries (kept coming by my home although I said I am not interested in seeing him). With my father it’s hard… looks like sometimes I am in the right state of mind, where I see him as a sick person, and am very cautious in communicating with him – in that case our conversation is “surface”, but peaceful and satisfying in a way of “taking small steps” (hopefully not “faking small steps”). It’s when we try to get into deeper issues and he pushes my healing buttons where a big conflict is inevitable, where I usually lose myself. I am not sure at this point how to balance “surface relationship” with a 6th Commandment “respect”. But then I don’t necessarily have deep relationships with all people I respect. Maybe the key is to respect him merely for his age and because he has been through very much pain in life. Granted, much of that pain (ahem… probably all) has been a consequence of his own psychopathy, but then it is classified as a mental disorder (and now he has anxiety/depression/panic attacks as additional diagnoses), and none of us are safe from them either. But, of course, his behaviour is not to be tolerated. So I need to do some soul-searching while being [far] away from him to see how I can give just enough to not get hurt in return… Or maybe I am still swimming in DENIAL :D
    I’m proud I was at least able to say my father is abusing me – out loud, and thank you for your support. That’s a start :) Many thanks for book recommendations, I’ll definitely look at them. A few days ago I bought “Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry” by Albert Bernstein and it was a great help because it helped clearly identify my father as an Antisocial Bully. I just have to remember that my father is very, very, very sick at every moment of communicating with him (after taking some [long] time to be right with myself).

  5. SuckerNoMore

    I cannot tell you how much this has helped me today. I cannot get anything done today because I can’t stop reading! My whole life has been a mess because of these men. My eyes are finally opened – maybe a bit late, but still opened.

    1. Admin

      Glad to hear the blog helped you and that you can’t stop reading! Thanks for letting me know.

  6. Carolyn

    Thank you so very much for this website.
    I too have been involved with a Psychopath for the last 6 years. All of the signs were there (controlling, cheating,lying,conning…) I deemed it as HE LOVES me.
    Shortly after meeting OW (September 2007) I thought he was the man of my dreams, I told him what I was looking for in a man and he said I was the perfect woman for him. He never really said much about his life but I told him everything about mine (first mistake). The first sign the something was wrong can within the first 90 days of meeting him the told a lie that was unbelievable but me of course liked him so much until I overlooked it but always kept it in the back of my mind. He would always call and if I didn’t answer the phone he would call back to back and then ask why I didn’t answer my phone and didn’t I see that he had called me. I thought this was strange but he said” I just worry about you” and me of course thinking a man who cares about my well being…. Well in October 2009 I met his next door neighbors, you see OW and I didn’t live together he lived about 40 minutes from me. When I first met the Parks next door I felt strange like something isn’t right about this woman. I expressed my concerns to OW but of course he played it off little did I know that he had befriended the husband and was now sleeping with the man’s wife. These Psychopaths are bold and they don’t care who they prey on as long as it feeds their appetite. OW was looking for his next victim while with me because he had already put his psychopathic claws deep in me and I was being thrashed around like an alligator with a sheep in his mouth. This woman (DP) was venerable due to financial l issues in her marriage and she was a newly married. But OW had all the money he’s and engineer at Lockheed Martin and he can help her. Well in October 2009 I stumbled upon some emails that they had been send to each other he was setting up his master plan. I was so mad that I threaten to confront her and tell the husband. You will not believe the lie he gave me this what OW said” I sent those emails to myself because I knew you would find them” although I didn’t buy that for a minute but because I loved him so much I went along with his lies (mistake) I should have ran full speed to get away and never looked back. But the psychopaths know how to put on the charm. After that incident he became worse and worse and as always when I would break it off he come to me like a puppy dog and I would take him back.

    Fast forward 2011-2013
    Well the next door neighbor husband due to the financial issue they were having took a job in Afghanistan and that made the playing field for him better. OW and DP were so cold with their cheating that he would take down a few boards in the fence so he could go to her house from the back yard so no one on the street would see him. When I realized what was going on of course he lied and made excuses and told me it wasn’t happening and on…. Well the husband found out (thanks to me) and he confronted OW and can you believe that the lie he told the husband passed… The husband finally woke up and divorced his wife but my Psychopath continued to mess around with DP. At this point I wasn’t as easy to manipulate as before and all we did was argue about his lies, deceitful, manipulative ways so he stepped up his game with the now X wife of his neighbor. I just found out this week 10/8/2013 that he had DP to change her phone number and now she has no contact with her friends. Now she is wide open to his abuse. I tried to warn her but psychopaths are very good at making people believe you are crazy and making up lies. There is so much more to my story this is just a snippet of what I went through. I am not healed by any means. It hurt to the core to know you gave your heart and soul to yourself because all they do is Mirror your beliefs and you think you have the perfect man and all you have is someone who has mental issues and will never be able to love anyone but himself. I could write a book on the things that OW has did to me. But I am so grateful for stumbling upon this website to see that I am not the only one who has held hands and walked and supported SATAN. Only sites like this have people who understand what you have been going through.

    Thank you

    1. Admin

      Your story is sad. These people follow a script they’re born with, because they’re all so similar. Part of that script is to gradually get bolder with their ever-worsening behavior…and if you’ll put up with it (due to the damage he’s done to your self-respect and self-esteem) he’ll get even bolder and even worse. Stay away from him at all costs. The description of how he removed the fence posts to have easy, secret access to his neighbor illustrates what a worthless predator this man is. It will take time to heal. You gave him your heart and soul, and I understand that, but now take them back for yourself.

    2. Ravinder

      I would like to know what happened to you in detail , I am going through a similar experience and I cant put my finger on whats wrong but I am always on tenter hooks and always wrong and also always obsessing when hes not around where he might be. Please if you can forward me the details I may believe and stop the denial to get out of this torture.

      1. Admin

        I write a lot here, and my story is all over this site. If you start by reading the main pages, it should help you to figure things out. Best wishes to you.

  7. carolyn

    Thank you Admin. This is the first site that actually has interacted with me. I’ve been through hell with gasoline clothes on. I try to talk to people about the pain I have been put through and nobody understands that it’s not that simple to get over this type of abusive relationship( this is a normal break-up). I take baby steps everyday to and tell myself “it’s not you” then when i see him still with the neighbors now X wife i really think ” Was it me?” “maybe I could of did different” all sorts of quetions and answers flow through my head. I know that time heals all wounds but this one is so deep that it will take a life time for it to finally heal. I’ve been on a emotional roller coaster for such a long time. Right now I am dealing with the emotions of Hurt and Anger. Do these type of people ever change? can it really be that he loves the person? He has used her to in his game against me and it seems that she would know that tauting me with her having him is very hurtful… I just dont understand!!!!

    1. Admin

      Only those who have been through it can really understand. Others think it’s just a relationship gone wrong, so they really can’t help. But it’s a lot more than that. You know the truth about him; after all, you lived it for six years. Even so, you’re not free of him yet. When you have been mentally manipulated, it’s totally normal to go back and forth between the truth and your doubts. When they introduce another women — it’s called triangulation — things get really nasty. They kill two birds with one stone. I think it’s safe to say he’ll never change, and that it wasn’t you and there’s nothing you could do differently that would make any difference. Even if you know that, these types of victimizations are difficult to untangle from. It will take more than time, but time is a part of it. Keep reading about it, and find a therapist to talk to if you can because you need to talk to someone. I wish I had some magic words to get you through your hurt and anger. I wish you all the best.

  8. Lana

    I wish I was aware about this in the beginning, before it got too deep :( It’s been 8 years and we have three kids. Feeling hopeless. I feel as though my family and friends threw me to the wolves. I don’t have the support to help leverage myself out of the situation. Please don’t end up like me.

    1. Admin

      I’m sorry to hear of your situation. Don’t give up hope!
      Please read today’s blog post, “Advice for dealing with a violent ex” even if he’s not an ex or isn’t physically violent; its got links to resources that are for people in your situation. Also, you may want to take a look at the blog “One Mom’s Battle.”
      Best wishes to you and your children.

  9. Crystal

    So here is a short version of what happened to me. I met this man and he did almost word for word everything on this website, I kept running from him weekly for months. But he always knew how to get me back. I have always been secure and not jeolous but I turned into a crazy person trying to figure out what he was up to. The only added bonus is this jerk is a sex offender. We broke up for a yr then had sex two times and he got me pregnant, I’m 99% sure it was on purpose. He tried to get back with me my entire pregnancy and I told him no everytime. He didnt try very hard and dated others during this time. Then the last month of my pregnancy he ran into my sister and manipulated her and she called me saying everyone deserves another chance. Before she was against the relationship. Already as soon as I got back with him I was dealing with triangulation at its finest. Pics of his ex wife’s and girlfriends on his phone as well. When the baby was born he was different the games stopped for awhile then at some point they got worse. He had me so confused that I don’t know if he is a cheater or if he was only after my daughters wanted to just not have to pay child support or what. I started playing his games back to him to manipulate him into leaving me alone. He didnt know what to do when I turned it around on him. He tried new tactics and I pretended to fall for them just because I was trying to figure out what the hell he wanted. He has mad me look crazy to his family but I sure gave him the ammunition. This website helped me alot. Still unanswered questions but I know in time God will reveal them to me and I just keep praying for his current victim. He will not be allowed around our daughter anytime soon if ever. His manipulations have taken me so far that I’m worried he has commited very horrible crimes but I have no details or facts just saw a dark part of him come out while talking about something that happened years ago that was all over the news. It was like I could see his demons. The mask has only come off like 10 times in the three yrs I have known him. Must be hard to fake life 24/7. Get a life psychopaths damn. I’m very emotionally strong and while he did jump over the fence guarding my heart, raped and pillaged the town, and left me alone with a baby, I will bounce back. Doesn’t take me. My dad did alot more to me so this is nothing. I just hate that I didn’t walk away on date 5 when I went to his house and he showed me his box of letters of love from his victims and told me every bad thing he has ever done wrong. Horrible things I waited until his kids went to sleep and I shut down and left. He quickly panicked and txt me something to manipulate me it didn’t work at that point but he got me soon enough. I don’t think he will ever leave me alone but I will stay strong.

    1. Admin

      You have been through a lot, but I’m happy to hear you feel confident that you will bounce back. It sounds as though you and your daughter need to stay far away from this person. If you are unable to avoid him completely, you may want to use the “gray rock” method of getting a disordered person to lose interest in a victim. Basically, if you must interact with him “only give boring, monotonous responses so that the parasite must go elsewhere for his supply of drama. When contact with you is consistently unsatisfying for the psychopath, his mind is re-trained to expect boredom rather than drama. Psychopaths are addicted to drama and they can’t stand to be bored…Eventually, they just slither away to greener pastures. Gray Rock is a way of training the psychopath to view you as an unsatisfying pursuit — you bore him and he can’t stand boredom.” ~ LoveFraud

      You can read the rest of that article here:

      The Gray Rock method of dealing with psychopaths

      Good luck to you.

  10. This article talks as if only women experience this but there are men like me (adopted, then lost step-father and step-mother, been on my own emotionally since 8 and physically since 14), became a sensitive because of it and we experience the same thing with psychopathic women (and men) in our lives. My life has been completely ruined several times and at 54 I am having to have faith that somehow I can start again after psychopath’s have stolen everything from me that I worked so hard to create; an emotional healthy attitude and my financial wealth. All gone because of me having similar traits to the women described here. If I gave the details, anyone with any knowledge would know I have lived a living hell. I find it hard to trust anyone anymore, or function, though I must and I am worried because I am tired and breaking down physically. I have to pray that I don’t become homeless and starving because with the zeitgeist of our time, it’s likely.

    1. Admin

      I’m sorry, and I hope your life will change for the better very soon.

      Thanks to readers like you, I have become aware that men face the same problems with psychopaths, and I hope you will never have another in your life and that you will heal from the harm that you have suffered.

      Best wishes.

  11. ladylove

    I have recently ended a situation with a psychopath. I told my parents about it tonight over skype (I live abroad). Ironically enough, my mother said it’s probably my fault – ‘Well it seems your not getting on with anyone right now, maybe you are being too much. Are you sure it’s not you?’ – I wonder where my traits of a victim come from…… :(

    1. Admin

      Mine come from the same place :-)

  12. ladylove

    I recently ended a situation with a psychopath. We were actually involved in a crash together – he crashed our motorbike…at the time, he had just returned to the country after a month away. That night he got drunk and confessed all these feelings for me that I already had for him. I thought it to be perfect. Then he changed moods on the bike as we were going home together. He sped up to 80kph…I shouted for him to stop, saying I was frightened. He sped up and crashed us right into the jungle. At the time, I

    1. Admin

      I hope you’ll come back and tell us the rest of the story.

  13. salma

    I learnt the ways of a emotional manipulator, I went from dealing with a psychopath to a guy who had a personality disorder. It just made me think about the mental disabilities they lack, never being able to experience a good relationship, to grow, to maintain a higher sense of self.

    I know it sounds rather precarious but I put myself in the situation again just to see how far they would go to destroy me and I always detach from the situation knowing all the issues they project, taunting, stalking, witholding is only because you have everything they lack so they attach to you and try to drain you out. But I realise that I did it to empower myself not for him.

    I think I first realised when they knock you down, (the Neg) an kind insult and then they say they are ‘here’ for you. & it’s totally true about the empathy and the compassion part. I like who I am and I would never change that. There will always be people like that around and you just have to realise that it is always about them and you just walk away.

    I had a knee jerk reaction to him, but I was totally aware of it all. They come from any direction, even those who should be professional. I think the worst part is trying to justify their behaviour and actions to someone who has never experienced it. I tried to get justice but in the end, they only knock you down and beat you with experience. I find it rather amusing that one should need to sink so low. It actually makes me think ‘WOW!YOU ARE REALLY MESSED UP AND YOU DON’T KNOW IT!’

    One word of advice: Keep intact with your reality and trust that your reactions are telling you the truth. They can lead you to a false sense of security to manipulate situation for own gain. They are most cunning creatures yet. Remember it can happen to anyone, but I think the learning point comes when you start investing in yourself more and forgetting about their existence.

  14. Hatch

    Hello, reading many posts from this website and others like it, I have the utmost respect for you ladies and gentlemen that have survived this traumatic experience. My only mitigation would be, isn’t the psychopath human too? Is there any help for these presumably numerous lost souls? I regret to say I personally have very many so called psychopathic traits. I have unintentionally done this to a couple woman, but honest to god truth didn’t realize it until recently, when I lost the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. I was with Jameth for over a year and I truly in my heart felt love and affection towards her. I never wanted to see her hurt or upset but I feel as if I have a sickness because of my own insecurities and jealous tendencies. I LOST THE ONLY THING I EVER LOVED BECAUSE OF THIS BULLSH*T F**KING DISEASE!!!

    1. Admin

      Hi, Hatch. Of course psychopaths are human. The way they think is so different, though, that it can make them seem otherwise. Psychopathy exists on a spectrum. While you may think you have some psychopathic traits, I think your score would be very low, at best. Psychopaths are unable to feel love and they’re not insecure.

      I’m sorry to hear you lost this woman you cared so much about. Plenty of people unconsciously sabotage their relationships for a variety of reasons. If you feel it’s a pattern, I urge you to examine what’s going on with the help of a therapist. Best wishes to you.

  15. Danny

    Hi All,

    So my sister has just gotten involved with a psychopath, and I am 100% absolutely sure he is one, as my mother before she passed away, was engaged to one. She is in the idealization stage and I really don’t know what to do, I am so worried for her as I can see this is going to end very badly, I have spoken to her very calmly about the warning signs I am seeing, but it is like she is on another planet where logic does not exist. Her husband left her for another woman while she was 32 weeks pregnant and she found this guy on facebook, and he fits all the signs, i have lived under one for two years and saw how he sucked my mother dry, my sister was also there I can’t believe she is not seeing this. I know she is vulnerable and I am so scared for her and she is already isolating herself from all family and friends.
    He has also taken a keen interest in the baby (now six months old) which is even more concerning, nobody knows specific details about him he is 29 divorced twice with two children (apparently the women’s fault he is divorced and they are keeping him away from the children.). He says he is working but there is no proof of this (but he always have money). I know she is the victim but I am also mad and frustrated because she is placing her child’s emotional health at stake. Really don’t know what to do next?

    1. Admin

      hi danny. i’m sorry to hear that your sister — and her infant — are involved with this psychopath. your concern comes across clearly. she is in a very vulnerable state of mind after what happened with her ex, and this creep stepped in at the perfect moment. your sister has been duped. you’ve spoken with her, and she won’t listen. he’s isolating her now, and her child is at risk as you said. do you have enough info on this person to get a background check done? even if it were clean, it wouldn’t make a difference; she needs to get away from him. i honestly don’t know what to tell you to do, or if there’s anything you can do. that doesn’t mean there’s not, of course, it just means i don’t know.
      the only thing i can suggest is to call steven hassan at the freedom of mind center; he might have some suggestions. he counsels those needing assistance with controlling relationships and rescues people from cults. he’s well known and highly regarded, and it might be worth a try. i wish you the best of luck, danny.

      1. Danny

        Thank you so much, appreciate your honesty, busy with a background check, if that comes out clear will definitely try your suggestion.

        1. Admin

          Good luck, Danny!

  16. Kristi

    I’m a psychopath. I read through most of this and I think pretty much everyone that is “normal” can relate to the traits you mentioned. The only thing that can mostly stop a psychopath is being able to read body language, even then some such as myself learned the art and can fool just about anyone! If you mix the ability to read people with motive checks, you got them! :) Not all of us are bad people. Sure I get bored and toy with people… but my “victims” deserve it. :) What do I mean? Well, to the guy that says, “show me your tits!!!!” Muhahhaa I just found my new victim to amuse myself for a while. :D :D Doesn’t mean he’s seeing anything… but he will be emotionally played with to my content!! :) why? He’s a selfish asshole that I want to play a challenging game with to see if I can make him care, even though I don’t. :) I completely disagree with your victim list. Anyone can be a victim!! Just depends on what we want. The childish psychopaths that crave power (little skill) will prey on the weak. People like me find it too easy and not very amusing to mess with weak people! I like the challenge of a strong willed person and even better…another psychopath!! lol lol
    You can read this and trash me, I don’t care honestly. :) But I’m mostly writing this to help. If you think you have a psychopath and you want to know if they’re sorry/care, cut communication immediately!!!! No feel sorry for me whimpering and crying, that empowers us and shows us you’re weak or very weak if you cry. One of two things can happen and this will tell you what kinda psychopath you are dealing with:
    1. Your psychopath will not give a shit and show it by easily moving on to the next victim.
    2. Your psychopath really will feel (YES I SAID FEEL) the consequences to their action and truly be sorry.

    Category 1
    This kinda psychopath is what I refer to as “a psychopath that wants to be.” These are truly dangerous people that need profession help and should be avoided like the plague!! Run!!!

    Category 2
    I call these people “psychopaths that don’t want to be.” I am one of these and have had friends/relationships with these kind of people. We know no other way, but at the same time we don’t condone our own actions. Yes, it’s still a dangerous personality but there is hope for change as long as you know how to help AND AND AND are actually a strong person, otherwise run!
    The basis of being a psychopath is believing that “everything goes to shit no matter what.” This is normally mixed with a lack of love. If you can get the psychopath to see that good things are meant for them, they can change!! I have :) I wrote enough so I won’t blabber on about that… But I will say something rather important to this point, and this is what I got after praying, “narcissistic
    parents produce psychopathic children.” This is a very true statement, because a narcistic parent, like my mother, will take away your will and turn your childhood to shit. I can never do good enough, all efforts never measure up… They’re never happy with you!! <- all goes to shit attitude will effect your actions and outlook on life. And I really will stop there….

    No I won't!!! One more thing about some shitty comments I read. We're not all the same!!! No, I'm not jealous. No, I don't take things of value from people. And guess what!! I have a life, as I was told to get one by someone referring to all psychopaths. I'd like to point out, none of you are perfect either!! Yes, I really am a psychopath, a nice one!! :) See I laughed at some of your stories and then offered my help! :D My only regret is typing this on my cellphone. :)

    1. Admin

      Hi Kristi.

      “I think pretty much everyone that is “normal” can relate to the traits you mentioned.” YES! In essence, what I’m saying is anyone can be a victim. If I just came right out and said that, it wouldn’t mean anything. Trying to illustrate it is better. Everyone can find themselves on that list.

      “why? He’s a selfish asshole that I want to play a challenging game with” I’d just tell him to get lost. Even if I knew how to play challenging games, I wouldn’t want to spend another moment with him.

      “Yes, it’s still a dangerous personality but there is hope for change as long as you know how to help AND AND AND are actually a strong person, otherwise run!” Kristi… this sounds like an awful lot of effort. Even the strongest people have their bad moments in life. I appreciate your effort to act against impulses you don’t condone, but I just want to be able to relax and be myself instead of always being on guard against showing my slightest weakness.

      “If you can get the psychopath to see that good things are meant for them, they can change!!” In other words, like a reward? But really, all of us want good things from our relationships. Many of us were duped out of that basic premise, but I doubt it’ll happen again. Also, I think many of us DID show them that good things were meant for them — after all, we loved them (or at least who they seemed to be).

      “narcissistic parents produce psychopathic children.” That’s a powerful statement, and I get it. I think it can definitely happen (but not that it always does). Some with narcissistic parents end up a neurotic mess, for good reason.

      Of course you won’t stop there! ;-) You know what? I think most of us on this site are talking about category 1 psychopaths, not about you and others like you. We didn’t even know your type existed until now, when you told us. The psychopath I knew was definitely, absolutely category 1, to the bone. I write this site about people like him.

      OK, I have a question. Can a category 1 psychopath DECIDE to become a category 2, and then actually do so, or is this more a reflection of maybe the degree of psychopathy? Many ‘experts’ say it exists on a continuum, so I’m thinking that maybe those who are way up there don’t have a choice like you do. I know a ‘1’ who is now trying to convince everyone he’s a ‘2,’ but I think it’s an act. In fact, I feel sure it is.

      Thanks for coming by and sharing your insights.

  17. Emy

    What I’ve seen and heard regarding sociopaths:
    1) A sociopath commented that people she was trying to get to know weren’t ‘easy’. Not sexually easy but she was frustrated that she couldn’t easily befriend them (friendships normally take time but a sociopath wants it right away, so they can start manipulating).

    2) The sociopath uses pain from your past against you. They bring it up. For example, if you were neglected as a kid, they will find pictures of you as a kid and show you them to you while they make a sad face, like they are empathizing with you but there is a slightly devious look in their eyes (a superior look); they are really reminded you where you came from and how broken you once were so you’ll feel weak now (don’t get too high on yourself now; remember, you’re broken).

    3) A sociopath said that she sometimes told her husband that he was ‘trash’ to ‘help’ him, again with that smirk on her face. She tells his secret shames (like a painful nickname he was called) and then insinuates that others are calling him this name to keep him on his toes.

    4) They are shallow. When their loved one cries, they show no empathy. They say, “Why are you crying for?” and look amused, like it’s funny but when they cry, that is a different story. Only their tears count. Note: They only cry for themselves or for people that remind them of themselves. Often they will cry for strangers on a TV show but will be cold towards their ‘loved’ one.

    5) They are VERY competitive and will sabotage you even if helping you is in their best interests. If you are trying to improve or study or exercise, they will become resentful. They will interrupt you. They will try to distract you. They will call you selfish. They will bring up a thousand tasks that you have to do first (you become like Cinderella).

    1. Adelyn Birch

      – h

      – whiz

      – suit

      – spot

  18. Sara

    So it took me awhile to realize i was being manipulated. I met him online, i was bored, kinda lonely, and at the same time i was looking for a relationship.

    Hes 8 year older than me and works as a general labor supervisor. Im in pre-med, before i met him i had clear mind set on what i was looking for but i ended up compromising a lot with him. my first impression of him was charming, nice, intelligent, tall, and attractive.

    When we first started dating things were just simply amazing, he was so great, in every way, he gave me so much attention, and made me feel safe and secure. As the relationship progressed i felt insecure, and started to get jealous over little things, and he constantly called me jealous. I never thought i was a jealous person before i met him. I started to plea for his attention. He basically gave me my ideal relationship, and broke up with me one day after our date, he asked if i was going to cry i did everything i could to hold myself together, and he offered to buy me ice cream, like wtf…. He broke up with me right after we got physical for the first time, I didn’t go very far because i felt uncomfortable and i thought he would understand since it was my first time doing anything but instead he was annoyed.

    i never really dated before he was my first relationship, thats why i put so much effort into it. i wanted to make it work. I didn’t realize when it went from him pursing me to me chasing him!

    I ignored him for 1 month after he broke up with me, during that month he was constantly apologizing, explaining himself asking for me back. but i continued to ignore him. He finally said he changed and wanted to start over. so i replied back and we started our relationship again.

    It started off with me having full control of the relationship, he gave me everything i wanted the loyalty, commitment, attention and affection. He even apologized for everything he did before and promised to never do anything like that again. But that lasted maybe like 2 days, and then we were back where we ended the first time we broke up.

    I think he gave me my idealized relationship, in exchange for whatever he wanted from me, which is still unclear to me. Our dates went from all the attention is on ME, to him having his own agenda on our dates. I used to beg for his attention basically.

    I broke up with him when i found out he was lying about being loyal, he was seeing other women. And he said i was just being jealous, and that we can be in a casual relationship, but i didn’t want that. And out of anger i broke up with him. he has blocked me everywhere.

    its been one month since we broke up the second time. i blame myself for why the relationship didnt work out. I sometimes want him back and miss him a lot. He never messaged me since. I dont think he ever will. and i know i should be glad he left sometimes i hope he comes back.

    1. Adelyn Birch

      I’m sorry your first relationship turned out like it did, Sara. Please don’t blame yourself. I’m going to be straightforward here and tell you if this guy broke up with you because he was annoyed that you didn’t go far enough, he wasn’t interested in YOU at all, he was after sex… and even worse, I suspect this guy gets his kicks by having power and control, controlling your emotions, making you miserable, making you pursue him, etc. Thank goodness you didn’t sleep with him! He may have broken up with you even if you did (which would have been devastating had it been your first time) and if he didn’t, you would have been in for prolonged usage and much more painful emotional manipulation. Please just cut your losses and don’t look back. If he ever contacts you, don’t respond. You deserve so much more than a creep like this, Sara! Trust me, he’s a creep, anyone can act like the perfect boyfriend for a short while but he showed you his true colors, and you have to look at that even if it’s not easy to do it. Best of luck with it, and with your studies. In such a challenging program as pre-med, the last thing you need is to be on an emotional roller coaster that is guaranteed to distract you, not to mention wreck the quality of your entire life.

      Three things for you to read, that may help you:

      The Most Powerful Motivator on the Planet ~ Intermittent Reinforcement

      Intensity or Intimacy? A Relationship Litmus Test


      1. Sara

        Thank you so much! Lol i think i accidentally sent in my post twice thinking it never went through! my bad :)
        and honestly, i never saw all the red flags as a joke for our second date he said lets grab a hotel room, and i called him and questioned him about it and told him how upsetting it was for me for him to say something like that. I should have realized early on that he was mainly after sex, but he clarified and said he was just joking and i took it too seriously. So i ended up apologizing to him for over reacting and thinking negatively of him. I even told him since day one, i’m a virgin dont plan on having pre-martial sex. and he seemed so respectful of my choices. i thought he really understood. And i’m doing my best trying to get back into my regular study habits, but this honestly emotionally drained me, i’ve been missing classes, exams and i’m falling way behind. I don’t want to let some guy affect me this badly but he has. To everyone out there never let someone invade ur personal well being this way, as soon as you notice these reg flags act on them, don’t ignore them like i did. What hurts most is that he did it to me twice! I’m 19, i’ve been told so many times i’m young and stupid and with time things will get better, but this guy was 27, he knew exactly what he was doing so wtf. I’m just confused sometimes as to why me!!! I swear to god i’m a good person, but after reading this article i realized he zeroed into my vulnerabilities and used it against me in a way where i thought everything he did wrong was my fault. calling him a psychopath is a little extreme perhaps but he def had psychopathic tendencies, and he was a serious manipulator.

        again thank u so much for ur response and ur articles are soo helpful!! :)

        1. Adelyn Birch

          I know just how emotionally exhausting it is, and I figured your studies were affected. It’s so easy to explain away those red flags, especially when someone sends you on a guilt trip for thinking badly about them. You don’t have to label him a psychopath; the important thing is seeing his character for what it is, not diagnosing him. But I agree, he was a serious manipulator with psychopathic traits. It’s because you’re a good person that he targeted you. That’s all it takes—being a good, kind, trusting and loving person. Those qualities are enough to make us vulnerable. We want to give people the benefit of the doubt. It’s normal, so don’t beat yourself up over it. Don’t worry that it happened twice; you’ve learned a lot at 19 (the hard way, unfortunately) that will serve you very well in the future. I’m glad I could help, Sara. Best of luck to you!

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