“Goodness, what big eyes you have!”
The better to see you with,” said the wolf.
When a psychopath targets a victim, he lures her in a highly hypnotic way (along with using many other tactics of covert emotional manipulation) to gain emotional control and then to keep it throughout the relationship. At the top of my list of red flags of a psychopath is what I describe as the “charm” of the psychopath:
He is incredibly charming. This charm causes his target to focus intensely on him as he focuses intensely on her. It is very pleasing to the mind and senses, and it disables your personal boundaries and your self-protective behavior (just when you need them most). It induces a trance — a pleasant, relaxed and focused state of mind where you are open to suggestion. You will find yourself wanting to be back in the focus of his potent charm again. A warm, engaging smile and intense eye contact are present…This superhuman charm is often one of the first and only red flags of a psychopath, and it is exactly what makes it hard to walk away. Read the post on “Charm” to learn the details of how this works.
The intense bond that forms between a victim and a psychopath at the beginning of pathological love relationship is due in part to the “hypno-powers” of the psychopath, according to Sandra L. Brown, M.A., author of “Women Who Love Psychopaths,” a book that examines the temperament traits of women who are victimized by psychopaths. In fact, she says hypnosis and trance are the “attraction heat, attachment magnet and bonding glue” of the relationship.
The technique of hypnosis — a focused and controlled trance — comes naturally to the psychopath, and he hypnotizes his victim repeatedly. When a victim hyper-focuses on the usually “entertaining and electrifying” psychopath, she is aroused, rewarded, and motivated to repeat it. The psychopath uses his natural intensity to easily gain and keep her rapt attention. Brown describes it as “a gentle lulling into a state of fascination where reality begins to fade out,” and says the luring and honeymoon phases are all about fascination.
During periods of hypnosis, the psychopath makes suggestions disguised as statements — “We have a very strong emotional bond” — and uses symbolic language — “I have you locked in my heart” — that are perceived in a different and more powerful way in the trance state. These messages become fixed in her psyche and remain there even after she figures out the truth and even after the relationship ends, because she learned them during states of euphoria, intense sexual connection, bonding and happiness.
Trance can be induced in many ways,
and the psychopath layers them for the strongest effect. A trance state can happen during intense playing, and psychopaths are known for being very playful and fun to be with. Trance can also occur during flow states and peak experiences, such as during sex or dance, when intense concentration produces feelings of interconnectedness. Obviously these activities and feelings are also included in normal relationships, but when in the presence of a psychopath, they become dangerous means to gain emotional control and create the strong bond necessary for the inevitable abuse that will happen when the honeymoon phase is over.
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Hi I’m writing from a television production company where we are making a film about psychopathy. I wanted to ask you a question – do you think psychopaths are more, or less, susceptible to hypnosis than other people?
I don’t think they would be susceptible to hypnosis at all.
Talk about creepy; sometimes during sex, mine would stare directly into my eyes for up to 20 minutes at a time. His eyes would not waver and he would have the best I can describe it as The Joker’s grin on his face. At 1st I thought it interconnectedness and romantic. That was of course during the love bombing stage. Later when his mask started falling, I found it creepy! When he hurt me enough to cry and instantly had an orgasm, I realized that was another of one of MANY Red Flags that I had to get out of this relationship!
I saw the Joker’s Grin, too. Exactly like that. Very unnerving and creepy, to say the least.
Holy crap! I saw the joker’s grin, too, twice. Once during the first time we made out, and once the last time we saw each other, and I was calling him out for having a deep, covert well of rage. After I told him this, he refused to have any contact. Lucky me!
You’re the third or fourth person who also reports seeing the Joker’s grin! In the movie, the Joker is a psychopath. I wonder how Heath Ledger nailed that grin so perfectly, and how it came to be. Did he just improvise, or did some consultant instruct him to do it? Just a thought… I mean, that is no normal “grin.” It’s extremely sinister, and unmistakably the grin of someone deeply deranged.
There’s an “American” Lama named Surya Das and he does this exact same technique: trancing. He’s well-known in the Buddhist community for saying “I don’t sleep with my students” but of course latter it all came out that all along he was. This man used to stair me down when ever he could and follow me around. When he did speak to me he would tell me all about myself as if I was suppose to be impressed. I wasn’t. It was creepy. When I asked how he knew all these things about me – city/state where I lived, kind of vehicle I drove, pets I had, my profession, etc. – He replied, ” the Lama knows all.” Wow, as if he’s some master clairvoyant! He’s not, and even if he were it’s not the only trait of and enlightened being. Clearly he had or did research on me himself. This man goes from relationship to relationship- woman to woman. For years he followed me around hoping I’d fall for his BS. Every time he came near I felt conflicted, euphoric (just from his gaze) but inside something told me this feeling was unnatural and to run for the hills. Years latter it came out that he was sleeping with the most “vulnerable” of women in his spiritual group ( sangha)! After countless failed relationships, marriages, loss of 90% of his sangha, and loss of 3 or more associated teachers you’d think these people who still call him “Lama” would of gotten a clue to his true nature. I think what few loyal students he has left are under his trance.
I have become involved with a psychopath and in a situation were I was placed in a trance just through voice contact. I remember very little of it but I do remember I told him something I would have never told ANYONE that is how I am certain it was hypnosis.after that first incident I was extremely nauseated but know I only had one glass of wine and don’t get sick easily. Everything I read says I should have been able to resist but I remember he kept asking over and over what my secret was I remember trying to resist but I did give in and I don’t recal why I did. He has moved into a sexual thing but now I remember everything but I still seem to be in some sort of trance BUT I can not resist him. At first I told a few people out of fear and the few believed me because they know that I am not crazy or made a claim like this. I later made them think I was drinking too much making it into a joke. Sometimes I feel like I am in love with this person and sometimes I am worried he will get mad at me and give me a suggestion of weight gain. He has already given me a drink alcohol suggest and I was a person that hardly ever drink. From my readings I think he uses a confusion technique. i will break free from this I just hope before he hurts me! Also he knew things about me that he would tell me that I believe I told him in trance that he would use later to Make me feel comfortable – I guess like love bombing. This guy is really good I think without any formal training – scary stuff!
Hi, Hope. Yes, you certainly need to break free of this! Here are two articles that may help you:
Intensity or Intimacy? A Relationship Litmus Test
The Most Powerful Motivator on the Planet ~ Intermittent Reinforcement
Best of luck to you xx