Emotional reciprocity, love and belonging are essential human needs, and if these needs are not being met, then mental and physical health will suffer.
Search Results for: empathy
At every turn, we hear words unbound by truth or logic. False arguments have replaced reason and rationality. Thoughts of Kafka and Orwell dance through our heads. It seems that reality itself has fallen down the rabbit hole.
Why did you stay? If you’re still involved, why can’t you leave? Find out now. In the process, free yourself from needless self-blame and shame.
If a few years have passed since you were traumatized and you still feel fear, hatred, and vulnerability, and if you avoid new relationships, don’t accept it as just the way things are now.
When we are seen as an object, we aren’t considered a separate, whole, real and meaningful person with our own thoughts, feelings and perceptions. We are simply an object with no meaning except to gratify desires.
If you’re doubting your own sanity, rest assured that if your symptoms started during the abusive relationship, you are experiencing post-traumatic stress.
How can you tell if your therapist is crossing the line, or is engaging in poor therapy that is harming you or has the potential to do so? This post is not intended to scare anyone away from trying therapy. There are good therapists who are able to make a real difference in people’s lives.
When others invalidate our feelings, it creates emotional distance. When we invalidate our own feelings, we create alienation from the self. We also create feelings of guilt and shame. Self-invalidation (and invalidation by others) makes recovery from depression and anxiety particularly difficult.
Over time, your story may become quite different than it was at the outset. The facts don’t change, but your interpretation of them — and the meaning you give to your experience — can change, going from a story of defeat to a story of victory.
Acceptance isn’t the final stage in some neat and orderly process; it helps you move through the process. The first thing you might need to accept is that you’re having periods of strong emotion that often feel unbearable.
If you can’t figure out what made you vulnerable or don’t believe you were, remember that it is our best qualities — our ability to give and receive love, to trust another enough to be intimate and vulnerable, and to believe in the goodness of another — that enable a psychopath to victimize us.
I get many letters from readers who aren’t sure if their partner is a psychopath or not and want help figuring it out. Part of my response is “You’re asking for relationship advice on a website about psychopaths. That, in and of itself, indicates something is seriously wrong.”
Intimacy has to do with trust, understanding, and feeling understood. Intensity, on the other hand, is all about drama, anxiety, uncertainty, and fear.
At best, this man is a neurotic emotional vampire. At worse, he is a psychopathic or narcissistic emotional vampire. Either way, he’s an emotional vampire who will drain you dry and not care one bit, as long as his own needs are being met.
Invalidation is considered one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse. Abusers use invalidation as a tool of manipulation and a weapon. Others may be short on empathy. Some may feel uncomfortable with your pain. Some are simply jealous.
After being victimized by a psychopath, the rage we feel is moral outrage. The experience violated our deeply held moral values and defied our expectations of how others might behave.
The moment when the joy at finding love turns into the fear of losing it is called the ‘manipulative shift.’ When that happens, the psychopath takes control. This is when the devaluation stage begins.
You fell down the rabbit hole. It never crossed your mind to question the things too good to be true, the things beyond imagination, the strange things. Why would you? They weren’t strange on that side of the looking glass — they were just part of the wonder of it all.
Betrayal is a uniquely devastating form of psychological harm. In Dante’s Inferno, betrayers were sent to the Ninth Circle, the lowest level of hell. Those of us who have experienced betrayal understand why.
How can we prevent love from ‘getting in the way’ of seeing reality clearly, trusting our perceptions, and looking out for our best interests? It comes down to three things.
It is said that psychopaths aren’t insane, because they have an absence of delusions and other signs of irrational thinking. Is this correct? Something about it doesn’t seem quite right.
Even if they are afflicted with a neurobiological disorder, we are the ones who suffer because of it, not them. They experience contemptuous delight at the pain they purposely inflict upon us. They know right from wrong, but they don’t care. That does not inspire compassion.
Traumatized people are at their most vulnerable when they turn to online forums in search of support. Unfortunately, I’ve heard from people who were re-victimized, and I experienced it myself. It was the last thing I needed and it set me back.
Behind the mask, female psychopaths are manipulative, cold-hearted, and lacking empathy, just like their male counterparts. Men who were once involved with psychopathic females tell their heartbreaking stories here.
The psychopath I was involved with sometimes made strange and disturbing facial expressions. These faces struck me as being uncanny, meaning they were both familiar yet alien at the same time.
The characteristics of psychopathy are divided into three groups: Cognitive (thought), affective (emotion), and behavior (actions). This list includes affective (emotional) characteristics of psychopathy. Again, these are things the psychopath tries to hide.
As I give it further thought, narcissists and psychopaths, in essence, can never really be self aware because they don’t have a Self to become aware of.
You are not alone. Many of us have had thoughts and feelings that at one time felt unbearable. There are people who care that will help you get through this.
We automatically assume that others are just like we are when it comes to the fundamental aspects of our characters, such as having a conscience. That can be a dangerous mistake.
As I read all I could find about psychopathy, I found something was missing. A key piece of the puzzle seemed consistently absent. I wasn’t sure how much this missing piece even mattered, but it seemed important enough to ponder and search for, and finally to come up with a possibility of my own.
While we do psychological cartwheels trying to keep it together or fix it or figure it out, they just sit back and enjoy the show, which is the result of their undercover handiwork.
It is a well-known fact that our society is structured like a pyramid. The very few people at the top create conditions for the majority below. Who are these people? Can we blame them for the problems our society faces today? What we found out is that people at the top are more likely to be psychopaths than the rest of us.
How can you help a friend who was victimized by a psychopath or going through any hard time in their life? By having empathy. Judging someone’s feelings, finding them to be invalid and then withholding support, is the opposite of empathy.
You can heal after being victimized by a psychopath, even if you’re doubting that right now. It can take a significant amount of time and effort, as with any major trauma, but it can happen.
Big Bad Wolf Kiba courtesy of Christine Taylor Stages of the Psychopathic Bond: Idealize, Devalue, Discard The predictable yet completely unexpected and devastating pattern of a relationship with a psychopath involves three stages: Idealize, Devalue and Discard. These relationships start out like heaven on earth… but end in a place […]
“In the desert, an old monk once advised a traveler that the voices of God and the Devil are barely distinguishable.” ~ Loren Eiseley “Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.” ~ Buddha “I remember at times thinking, ‘I’m sleeping with the devil.’” ~anonymous […]
“Ours were false relationships from the very beginning in which we were targeted, exploited and betrayed.” ~Donna Anderson, LoveFraud The quote above gets right to the heart of the matter of emotional rape. These were never normal relationships that started with love and then just went wrong. Far from it. […]
Psychopaths are social predators, both male and female, who do not have a conscience or the ability to feel love, emotional empathy, compassion, fear, or remorse. It is believed that psychopathy is a genetic neurobiological disorder. Evolutionary psychology offers an alternate theory that psychopathy is not a disorder at all, […]