EMPATHY: What It Is and Why You Need It
Emotional reciprocity, love and belonging are essential human needs, and if these needs are not being met, then mental and physical health will suffer.
Search Results for: empathy
Dark Night of the Collective Soul
What becomes of a society when the mad dogs take over? What becomes of us when morality has nothing to do with anything?
MASS MANIPULATION: How Did it Happen?
At every turn, we hear words unbound by truth or logic. False arguments have replaced reason and rationality. Thoughts of Kafka and Orwell dance through our heads. It seems that reality itself has fallen down the rabbit hole.
A MUST-READ If You Ask Yourself “WHY DID I STAY?” or “WHY CAN’T I LEAVE?”
Why did you stay? If you’re still involved, why can’t you leave? Find out now. In the process, free yourself from needless self-blame and shame.
A MUST-READ If You Ask Yourself “WHY DID I STAY?” or “WHY CAN’T I LEAVE?” Read More »
In the Aftermath: GRIEF
Of course you’re grieving. But wait a minute, you tell yourself. You shouldn’t be grieving because you know this person didn’t really love you.
Fear, Hatred and Superstition VS Empowerment
If a few years have passed since you were traumatized and you still feel fear, hatred, and vulnerability, and if you avoid new relationships, don’t accept it as just the way things are now.
How To Never Get Involved with an Abuser Again
The two traits all abusive people have in common: They lack empathy and they are manipulative.
The Psychopath: An Empty Boat
Understanding that psychopaths have a brain disorder that makes them act the way they do can help resolve anger, self-blame, doubt, and confusion.
Objectification and Dehumanization in Abusive Relationships
When we are seen as an object, we aren’t considered a separate, whole, real and meaningful person with our own thoughts, feelings and perceptions. We are simply an object with no meaning except to gratify desires.
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Feeling Crazy? Unstable? Unhinged?
If you’re doubting your own sanity, rest assured that if your symptoms started during the abusive relationship, you are experiencing post-traumatic stress.
Love Not Bombs: LOVE BOMBING
Love bombing is an all-encompassing, exhaustive campaign of flattery that “bombs” the target with non-stop positive reinforcement.
First, Do No Harm: Abusive Psychotherapists
How can you tell if your therapist is crossing the line, or is engaging in poor therapy that is harming you or has the potential to do so? This post is not intended to scare anyone away from trying therapy. There are good therapists who are able to make a real difference in people’s lives.
Others Have It Worse Than Me: SELF-INVALIDATION
When others invalidate our feelings, it creates emotional distance. When we invalidate our own feelings, we create alienation from the self. We also create feelings of guilt and shame. Self-invalidation (and invalidation by others) makes recovery from depression and anxiety particularly difficult.
The Transformative Power of Telling Your Story
Over time, your story may become quite different than it was at the outset. The facts don’t change, but your interpretation of them — and the meaning you give to your experience — can change, going from a story of defeat to a story of victory.
The Peace and Healing of Acceptance
Acceptance isn’t the final stage in some neat and orderly process; it helps you move through the process. The first thing you might need to accept is that you’re having periods of strong emotion that often feel unbearable.
Warning Others: Will It Work?
Even if they did listen, they might not remember the warning. Why would it even cross their minds, when they’ve just met the most wonderful person?
Why You? And How Did You Get Trapped?
If you can’t figure out what made you vulnerable or don’t believe you were, remember that it is our best qualities — our ability to give and receive love, to trust another enough to be intimate and vulnerable, and to believe in the goodness of another — that enable a psychopath to victimize us.
Is He or Isn’t He? Why It Doesn’t Matter
I get many letters from readers who aren’t sure if their partner is a psychopath or not and want help figuring it out. Part of my response is “You’re asking for relationship advice on a website about psychopaths. That, in and of itself, indicates something is seriously wrong.”
Intensity or Intimacy? A Relationship Litmus Test
Intimacy has to do with trust, understanding, and feeling understood. Intensity, on the other hand, is all about drama, anxiety, uncertainty, and fear.
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Emotional Vampires: How To Keep Them Out of Your Life
At best, this man is a neurotic emotional vampire. At worse, he is a psychopathic or narcissistic emotional vampire. Either way, he’s an emotional vampire who will drain you dry and not care one bit, as long as his own needs are being met.
Emotional Vampires: How To Keep Them Out of Your Life Read More »
Invalidation: I Refuse to Have This Discussion!
Invalidation is considered one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse. Abusers use invalidation as a tool of manipulation and a weapon. Others may be short on empathy. Some may feel uncomfortable with your pain. Some are simply jealous.
The Self-Compassion Effect
Self-compassion is nothing less than a paradigm shift after involvement with psychopath, narcissist, or any abuser. It can be transformational.
Moral Injury: The Hidden Wound to the Soul
After being victimized by a psychopath, the rage we feel is moral outrage. The experience violated our deeply held moral values and defied our expectations of how others might behave.
The Most Powerful Motivator on the Planet: Intermittent Reinforcement
The moment when the joy at finding love turns into the fear of losing it is called the ‘manipulative shift.’ When that happens, the psychopath takes control. This is when the devaluation stage begins.
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Down the Rabbit Hole
You fell down the rabbit hole. It never crossed your mind to question the things too good to be true, the things beyond imagination, the strange things. Why would you? They weren’t strange on that side of the looking glass — they were just part of the wonder of it all.
The Unique and Powerful Harm of Betrayal
Betrayal is a uniquely devastating form of psychological harm. In Dante’s Inferno, betrayers were sent to the Ninth Circle, the lowest level of hell. Those of us who have experienced betrayal understand why.
The Holy Grail of the Psychopath
We have the capacity to heal and live fully again. Psychopaths are stuck in their empty void forever.
Emotion or Logic? Three Ways to Have Them Both
How can we prevent love from ‘getting in the way’ of seeing reality clearly, trusting our perceptions, and looking out for our best interests? It comes down to three things.
Is There a “Psycho” In a Psychopath?
It is said that psychopaths aren’t insane, because they have an absence of delusions and other signs of irrational thinking. Is this correct? Something about it doesn’t seem quite right.
Identifying a Psychopath: 20 Subtle and Hidden Signs
Psychopaths keep their true nature hidden. Learn 20 subtle signs that just might give them away.
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Shame: A Festering Wound of the Soul
What heals shame? “Empathy is the antidote to shame,” Brene’ Brown writes. “The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: Me Too.”
Compassion For the Psychopath?
Even if they are afflicted with a neurobiological disorder, we are the ones who suffer because of it, not them. They experience contemptuous delight at the pain they purposely inflict upon us. They know right from wrong, but they don’t care. That does not inspire compassion.
Fox in the Hen House: The Dangers of Forums
Traumatized people are at their most vulnerable when they turn to online forums in search of support. Unfortunately, I’ve heard from people who were re-victimized, and I experienced it myself. It was the last thing I needed and it set me back.
The Truth About Female Psychopaths, From Those Who Know
Behind the mask, female psychopaths are manipulative, cold-hearted, and lacking empathy, just like their male counterparts. Men who were once involved with psychopathic females tell their heartbreaking stories here.
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Walking Through the Shadow of the Uncanny Valley
The psychopath I was involved with sometimes made strange and disturbing facial expressions. These faces struck me as being uncanny, meaning they were both familiar yet alien at the same time.
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The Big List of Psychopathy Characteristics, Part 2
The characteristics of psychopathy are divided into three groups: Cognitive (thought), affective (emotion), and behavior (actions). This list includes affective (emotional) characteristics of psychopathy. Again, these are things the psychopath tries to hide.
The Big List of Psychopathy Characteristics, Part 2 Read More »
The Psychopath: Truly and Fundamentally Different
The truth can be difficult to understand from our own frame of reference.
The Psychopath: Truly and Fundamentally Different Read More »
Thoughts On the ‘Self’ in Psychopaths and Narcissists: Guest Post
As I give it further thought, narcissists and psychopaths, in essence, can never really be self aware because they don’t have a Self to become aware of.
Thoughts On the ‘Self’ in Psychopaths and Narcissists: Guest Post Read More »
Are You Contemplating Ending Your Life?
You are not alone. Many of us have had thoughts and feelings that at one time felt unbearable. There are people who care that will help you get through this.
Do You Make This Simple (But Dangerous) Mistake About the Psychopathic Mind?
We automatically assume that others are just like we are when it comes to the fundamental aspects of our characters, such as having a conscience. That can be a dangerous mistake.
Do You Make This Simple (But Dangerous) Mistake About the Psychopathic Mind? Read More »
The Missing Piece in the Puzzle of Psychopathy
As I read all I could find about psychopathy, I found something was missing. A key piece of the puzzle seemed consistently absent. I wasn’t sure how much this missing piece even mattered, but it seemed important enough to ponder and search for, and finally to come up with a possibility of my own.
Got Boundaries? Part Two: How Boundaries Protect You, and a List of Examples of Boundaries
While we do psychological cartwheels trying to keep it together or fix it or figure it out, they just sit back and enjoy the show, which is the result of their undercover handiwork.
“I Am Fishead,” A Documentary About Psychopathy
It is a well-known fact that our society is structured like a pyramid. The very few people at the top create conditions for the majority below. Who are these people? Can we blame them for the problems our society faces today? What we found out is that people at the top are more likely to be psychopaths than the rest of us.
How to Help a Friend Victimized by a Psychopath
How can you help a friend who was victimized by a psychopath or going through any hard time in their life? By having empathy. Judging someone’s feelings, finding them to be invalid and then withholding support, is the opposite of empathy.
HEALING IN THE AFTERMATH
You can heal after being victimized by a psychopath, even if you’re doubting that right now. It can take a significant amount of time and effort, as with any major trauma, but it can happen.
STAGES OF THE PSYCHOPATHIC BOND
Big Bad Wolf Kiba courtesy of Christine Taylor Stages of the Psychopathic Bond: Idealize, Devalue, Discard The predictable yet completely unexpected and devastating pattern of a relationship with a psychopath involves three stages: Idealize, Devalue and Discard. These relationships start out like heaven on earth… but end in a place […]
QUOTES ABOUT PSYCHOPATHS
“In the desert, an old monk once advised a traveler that the voices of God and the Devil are barely distinguishable.” ~ Loren Eiseley “Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.” ~ Buddha “I remember at times thinking, ‘I’m sleeping with the devil.’” ~anonymous […]
EMOTIONAL RAPE
“Ours were false relationships from the very beginning in which we were targeted, exploited and betrayed.” ~Donna Anderson, LoveFraud The quote above gets right to the heart of the matter of emotional rape. These were never normal relationships that started with love and then just went wrong. Far from it. […]
WHAT IS A PSYCHOPATH?
Psychopaths are social predators, both male and female, who do not have a conscience or the ability to feel love, emotional empathy, compassion, fear, or remorse. It is believed that psychopathy is a genetic neurobiological disorder. Evolutionary psychology offers an alternate theory that psychopathy is not a disorder at all, […]