This post deals with traits of those who become victims of psychopaths. (This in no way suggests a victim is to blame for having traits that attracted a predator. The predator is clearly the one to blame).
These traits apply to both men and women. As you read it, you may find you have several of these traits.
Traits of the psychopath’s victim:
A general demeanor of vulnerability, which the psychopath can easily detect. Vulnerability can come from many things:
Not having gotten love, support or validation from your family of origin (this is a huge risk; work on recognizing and resolving this)
Isolation from friends and family
Loss of a job
Being new in town
Longing for a love relationship (another huge risk, unfortunately, and desperation increases your risk a thousand-fold)
A strong need for attention, approval or support
A previous victimization that is unresolved
Loss of a loved one through death, divorce or a breakup
Boredom. When you’re bored, you have the desire for excitement. A brand new relationship can relieve boredom quickly — especially one with a psychopath, who seems super-exciting and different from anyone you’ve met before.
Loneliness. If you’re lonely, your unmet social and emotional needs create an opening for a psychopath to enter your life. You’re probably also bored, which elevates risk. You may have gotten used to feeling like this, so it just seems like life as usual. But a psychopath — who is very adept at reading people — will recognize it for what it is, and take advantage of it.
Even traits we normally think of as positive can be used against us by a psychopath:
Are you extroverted? This can increase your risk, because extroverted people are easily bored and generally curious, and are usually looking for excitement.
Do you “go with the flow?” This trait could make you more willing to accept the chaos a psychopath creates in your life.
Are you competitive? Then you’re better able to deal with a psychopath’s dominant personality.You’re also more likely to stubbornly hold on when it seems the psychopath is doing all he can to get you to end the relationship.
Are you sentimental? Then you may be more likely to focus on the good memories of a relationship instead of the bad ones.
Are you sensitive to other people’s feelings? You probably care a lot about what others think of you, and tend to put their feelings ahead of your own.
Are you relaxed and carefree? Then you may not see danger in a person or situation as readily as a cautious person might.
Other traits that will put you at risk are being overly trusting, very loyal, and committed to helping others reach their potential.
Notice that most of us are described on this page. Most people are at risk, whether they think so or not.
Awareness of your vulnerabilities and traits that put you at risk is an important part of preventing involvement with a psychopath.
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