Traits of the psychopath’s victim

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Image by Dana Toony

 

This post deals with traits of those who become victims of psychopaths. (This in no way suggests a victim is to blame for having traits that attracted a predator. The predator is clearly the one to blame).

These traits apply to both men and women. As you read it, you may find you have several of these traits.

Traits of the psychopath’s victim:

A general demeanor of vulnerability, which the psychopath can easily detect. Vulnerability can come from many things:

Not having gotten love, support or validation from your family of origin (this is a huge risk; work on recognizing and resolving this)

Isolation from friends and family

Loss of a job

Being new in town

Longing for a love relationship (another huge risk, unfortunately, and desperation increases your risk a thousand-fold)

A strong need for attention, approval or support

A previous victimization that is unresolved

Illness

Long-term stress

Loss of a loved one through death, divorce or a breakup

Boredom. When you’re bored, you have the desire for excitement. A brand new relationship can relieve boredom quickly — especially one with a psychopath, who seems super-exciting and different from anyone you’ve met before.
 
Loneliness. If you’re lonely, your unmet social and emotional needs create an opening for a psychopath to enter your life. You’re probably also bored, which elevates risk. You may have gotten used to feeling like this, so it just seems like life as usual. But a psychopath — who is very adept at reading people — will recognize it for what it is, and take advantage of it.
 
Even traits we normally think of as positive can be used against us by a psychopath:
 
Are you extroverted? This can increase your risk, because extroverted people are easily bored and generally curious, and are usually looking for excitement.

Do you “go with the flow?” This trait could make you more willing to accept the chaos a psychopath creates in your life.

Are you competitive? Then you’re better able to deal with a psychopath’s dominant personality.You’re also more likely to stubbornly hold on when it seems the psychopath is doing all he can to get you to end the relationship.

Are you sentimental? Then you may be more likely to focus on the good memories of a relationship instead of the bad ones.

Are you sensitive to other people’s feelings? You probably care a lot about what others think of you, and tend to put their feelings ahead of your own.

Are you relaxed and carefree? Then you may not see danger in a person or situation as readily as a cautious person might.

Other traits that will put you at risk are being overly trusting, very loyal, and committed to helping others reach their potential.
Notice that most of us are described on this page. Most people are at risk, whether they think so or not.

Awareness of your vulnerabilities and traits that put you at risk is an important part of preventing involvement with a psychopath.


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23 thoughts on “Traits of the psychopath’s victim

  1. This is me and i have been manipulated and i am very sad. Been manipulated for a whole year and a half and i can say it’s been hell. It’s very very hard to get out of that relationship. Once he shows no interest in you fucking run as fastas you can , becaue once no one wants tocare about him and once he needs to feel way more better about himself, oh he will come running back to you!!!! FUCKING RUN I SAY!!! i am everything that was described above! i lost my respect for myself i grew very bitter and sad, i become a stalker and wanting to find out if he has cheated on me when we were together! i am telling you manipulating is no fucking joke they will rip you to shreds! get out while you still can, its very hard very hard, but when they leave you an dgive you the cold shoulder, delete there number and run really fasttt!! I am beig ralistic here. I am just now noticing and now i am not blind anymore, i still get those feelings were he can do know wrong and that even the samllest good rules out all the wrong doing he has done to me, it’s hard to resist the urge to call him. He tossed me to the side and wants no relationship but wants to be friends, this was is new weapon at me over the years of being together he dumps me and flirts with me and leaves me hanging. Gosh how if ihad support in my life more support i would have gotten away early in the raltionship. What else sucks is living with the manipulator damn every women out there or man fucking watch out.

    Also to those manipulators out there you will get karma maybe not now or tomorrow but soon it’s going to take you down a serious mental fuck road.

  2. THERE PARASITES FILLED WITH JEALOUSY!! They really are SAD LOOSERS!! IMAGINE HOW SICK IN THE HEAD TO PLAN N PLOT HOW TO PLAY DIFFERENT PEOPLE!! THEY CERTAINLY DESERVE TO SUFFER AND MAY GOD BLESS ALL THE SURVIVORS OF THESE SICK DIRTY ASS HOLES!! They come across so normal, but they do act very strange, excuses excuses excuses… Mine had a strange creepy walk.. An unnatural stare but always covered his bulging horrid eyes with sunglasses!! Always had an excuse as to why he wore them!! Please GOD he gets exactly what he deserves in this life and that’s NOTHING!! He is a FAKE!! IT’S ACTUALLY REALLY EASY TO PLAY THEM, then u see the little child they really are…. Oh yeah the big bully is what they think IM LAUGHING OUT LOUD….

  3. Everything listed here is very true – do not trust men immediately, but have them earn your trust in a course of a year or two, and keep your emotions intact while he is doing so. I grew up with a psychopath father, and have been involved with 3+ clear psychopaths, the last two especially stand out. Both were EXTREMELY charming and attentive, promised the sky and the stars, but both ended up stalking me when I said I needed some time and space to sort things out and eventually both required police intervention. The time between the two encounters was 7 years, and I am somewhat proud to say that the last one took me very little time to recognize, and to keep him at a distance before he used me (like the one before him did) without getting into an actual relationship with him. Though I am not very proud of paying attention to the last guy at all, I am happy I made some progress in overcoming my problems / addictive traits / insecurity. Recently I started wondering what traits in me attracted all the above (my father still verbally and emotionally abuses me, his best “card” being the 6th Commandment – which by the way is reciprocal for how parents should treat children, though he fails to hear it), and after seeing this website I can attest that it has very accurate info on the abuser and abused. Happy I can get some clarity on what the hell kept me attracted to the guys just like my father, who never approved of me and who keeps abusing me years after years… It’s so sad that I am 33 today and am still not completely healed over my past, but I am happy to share this on this site in order for someone hopefully to read it and to listen to this website’s advice supported by my testimony.

  4. Thank you, admin!
    You’re right about tolerance – with men I say what I mean now and went straight to police after the last guy didn’t respect my boundaries (kept coming by my home although I said I am not interested in seeing him). With my father it’s hard… looks like sometimes I am in the right state of mind, where I see him as a sick person, and am very cautious in communicating with him – in that case our conversation is “surface”, but peaceful and satisfying in a way of “taking small steps” (hopefully not “faking small steps”). It’s when we try to get into deeper issues and he pushes my healing buttons where a big conflict is inevitable, where I usually lose myself. I am not sure at this point how to balance “surface relationship” with a 6th Commandment “respect”. But then I don’t necessarily have deep relationships with all people I respect. Maybe the key is to respect him merely for his age and because he has been through very much pain in life. Granted, much of that pain (ahem… probably all) has been a consequence of his own psychopathy, but then it is classified as a mental disorder (and now he has anxiety/depression/panic attacks as additional diagnoses), and none of us are safe from them either. But, of course, his behaviour is not to be tolerated. So I need to do some soul-searching while being [far] away from him to see how I can give just enough to not get hurt in return… Or maybe I am still swimming in DENIAL :D
    I’m proud I was at least able to say my father is abusing me – out loud, and thank you for your support. That’s a start :) Many thanks for book recommendations, I’ll definitely look at them. A few days ago I bought “Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry” by Albert Bernstein and it was a great help because it helped clearly identify my father as an Antisocial Bully. I just have to remember that my father is very, very, very sick at every moment of communicating with him (after taking some [long] time to be right with myself).
    Kindly,
    Kat

  5. From my own experience women cannot win over psychopath. I have seen it many times. Four women together all used by the same psychopath plotting revenge against him and it took the psychopath appear only once and they were lost……how did he manage that? They just wanted to show him they are happy and alive and he cannot get them anymore. It is like he is having vampire spell , please run away from psychopath if possible. One thing i remember about him first time i meet him my stomach turned upside down and i was feeling sick couln’t figure why i felt so uneasy.

    Loosing with psychopath is winning.

  6. I cannot tell you how much this has helped me today. I cannot get anything done today because I can’t stop reading! My whole life has been a mess because of these men. My eyes are finally opened – maybe a bit late, but still opened.

  7. Thank you so very much for this website.
    I too have been involved with a Psychopath for the last 6 years. All of the signs were there (controlling, cheating,lying,conning…) I deemed it as HE LOVES me.
    Shortly after meeting OW (September 2007) I thought he was the man of my dreams, I told him what I was looking for in a man and he said I was the perfect woman for him. He never really said much about his life but I told him everything about mine (first mistake). The first sign the something was wrong can within the first 90 days of meeting him the told a lie that was unbelievable but me of course liked him so much until I overlooked it but always kept it in the back of my mind. He would always call and if I didn’t answer the phone he would call back to back and then ask why I didn’t answer my phone and didn’t I see that he had called me. I thought this was strange but he said” I just worry about you” and me of course thinking a man who cares about my well being…. Well in October 2009 I met his next door neighbors, you see OW and I didn’t live together he lived about 40 minutes from me. When I first met the Parks next door I felt strange like something isn’t right about this woman. I expressed my concerns to OW but of course he played it off little did I know that he had befriended the husband and was now sleeping with the man’s wife. These Psychopaths are bold and they don’t care who they prey on as long as it feeds their appetite. OW was looking for his next victim while with me because he had already put his psychopathic claws deep in me and I was being thrashed around like an alligator with a sheep in his mouth. This woman (DP) was venerable due to financial l issues in her marriage and she was a newly married. But OW had all the money he’s and engineer at Lockheed Martin and he can help her. Well in October 2009 I stumbled upon some emails that they had been send to each other he was setting up his master plan. I was so mad that I threaten to confront her and tell the husband. You will not believe the lie he gave me this what OW said” I sent those emails to myself because I knew you would find them” although I didn’t buy that for a minute but because I loved him so much I went along with his lies (mistake) I should have ran full speed to get away and never looked back. But the psychopaths know how to put on the charm. After that incident he became worse and worse and as always when I would break it off he come to me like a puppy dog and I would take him back.

    Fast forward 2011-2013
    Well the next door neighbor husband due to the financial issue they were having took a job in Afghanistan and that made the playing field for him better. OW and DP were so cold with their cheating that he would take down a few boards in the fence so he could go to her house from the back yard so no one on the street would see him. When I realized what was going on of course he lied and made excuses and told me it wasn’t happening and on…. Well the husband found out (thanks to me) and he confronted OW and can you believe that the lie he told the husband passed… The husband finally woke up and divorced his wife but my Psychopath continued to mess around with DP. At this point I wasn’t as easy to manipulate as before and all we did was argue about his lies, deceitful, manipulative ways so he stepped up his game with the now X wife of his neighbor. I just found out this week 10/8/2013 that he had DP to change her phone number and now she has no contact with her friends. Now she is wide open to his abuse. I tried to warn her but psychopaths are very good at making people believe you are crazy and making up lies. There is so much more to my story this is just a snippet of what I went through. I am not healed by any means. It hurt to the core to know you gave your heart and soul to yourself because all they do is Mirror your beliefs and you think you have the perfect man and all you have is someone who has mental issues and will never be able to love anyone but himself. I could write a book on the things that OW has did to me. But I am so grateful for stumbling upon this website to see that I am not the only one who has held hands and walked and supported SATAN. Only sites like this have people who understand what you have been going through.

    Thank you

    • Your story is sad. These people follow a script they’re born with, because they’re all so similar. Part of that script is to gradually get bolder with their ever-worsening behavior…and if you’ll put up with it (due to the damage he’s done to your self-respect and self-esteem) he’ll get even bolder and even worse. Stay away from him at all costs. The description of how he removed the fence posts to have easy, secret access to his neighbor illustrates what a worthless predator this man is. It will take time to heal. You gave him your heart and soul, and I understand that, but now take them back for yourself.

  8. Thank you Admin. This is the first site that actually has interacted with me. I’ve been through hell with gasoline clothes on. I try to talk to people about the pain I have been put through and nobody understands that it’s not that simple to get over this type of abusive relationship( this is a normal break-up). I take baby steps everyday to and tell myself “it’s not you” then when i see him still with the neighbors now X wife i really think ” Was it me?” “maybe I could of did different” all sorts of quetions and answers flow through my head. I know that time heals all wounds but this one is so deep that it will take a life time for it to finally heal. I’ve been on a emotional roller coaster for such a long time. Right now I am dealing with the emotions of Hurt and Anger. Do these type of people ever change? can it really be that he loves the person? He has used her to in his game against me and it seems that she would know that tauting me with her having him is very hurtful… I just dont understand!!!!

    • Only those who have been through it can really understand. Others think it’s just a relationship gone wrong, so they really can’t help. But it’s a lot more than that. You know the truth about him; after all, you lived it for six years. Even so, you’re not free of him yet. When you have been mentally manipulated, it’s totally normal to go back and forth between the truth and your doubts. When they introduce another women — it’s called triangulation — things get really nasty. They kill two birds with one stone. I think it’s safe to say he’ll never change, and that it wasn’t you and there’s nothing you could do differently that would make any difference. Even if you know that, these types of victimizations are difficult to untangle from. It will take more than time, but time is a part of it. Keep reading about it, and find a therapist to talk to if you can because you need to talk to someone. I wish I had some magic words to get you through your hurt and anger. I wish you all the best.

  9. I wish I was aware about this in the beginning, before it got too deep :( It’s been 8 years and we have three kids. Feeling hopeless. I feel as though my family and friends threw me to the wolves. I don’t have the support to help leverage myself out of the situation. Please don’t end up like me.

  10. So here is a short version of what happened to me. I met this man and he did almost word for word everything on this website, I kept running from him weekly for months. But he always knew how to get me back. I have always been secure and not jeolous but I turned into a crazy person trying to figure out what he was up to. The only added bonus is this jerk is a sex offender. We broke up for a yr then had sex two times and he got me pregnant, I’m 99% sure it was on purpose. He tried to get back with me my entire pregnancy and I told him no everytime. He didnt try very hard and dated others during this time. Then the last month of my pregnancy he ran into my sister and manipulated her and she called me saying everyone deserves another chance. Before she was against the relationship. Already as soon as I got back with him I was dealing with triangulation at its finest. Pics of his ex wife’s and girlfriends on his phone as well. When the baby was born he was different the games stopped for awhile then at some point they got worse. He had me so confused that I don’t know if he is a cheater or if he was only after my daughters wanted to just not have to pay child support or what. I started playing his games back to him to manipulate him into leaving me alone. He didnt know what to do when I turned it around on him. He tried new tactics and I pretended to fall for them just because I was trying to figure out what the hell he wanted. He has mad me look crazy to his family but I sure gave him the ammunition. This website helped me alot. Still unanswered questions but I know in time God will reveal them to me and I just keep praying for his current victim. He will not be allowed around our daughter anytime soon if ever. His manipulations have taken me so far that I’m worried he has commited very horrible crimes but I have no details or facts just saw a dark part of him come out while talking about something that happened years ago that was all over the news. It was like I could see his demons. The mask has only come off like 10 times in the three yrs I have known him. Must be hard to fake life 24/7. Get a life psychopaths damn. I’m very emotionally strong and while he did jump over the fence guarding my heart, raped and pillaged the town, and left me alone with a baby, I will bounce back. Doesn’t take me. My dad did alot more to me so this is nothing. I just hate that I didn’t walk away on date 5 when I went to his house and he showed me his box of letters of love from his victims and told me every bad thing he has ever done wrong. Horrible things I waited until his kids went to sleep and I shut down and left. He quickly panicked and txt me something to manipulate me it didn’t work at that point but he got me soon enough. I don’t think he will ever leave me alone but I will stay strong.

    • You have been through a lot, but I’m happy to hear you feel confident that you will bounce back. It sounds as though you and your daughter need to stay far away from this person. If you are unable to avoid him completely, you may want to use the “gray rock” method of getting a disordered person to lose interest in a victim. Basically, if you must interact with him “only give boring, monotonous responses so that the parasite must go elsewhere for his supply of drama. When contact with you is consistently unsatisfying for the psychopath, his mind is re-trained to expect boredom rather than drama. Psychopaths are addicted to drama and they can’t stand to be bored…Eventually, they just slither away to greener pastures. Gray Rock is a way of training the psychopath to view you as an unsatisfying pursuit — you bore him and he can’t stand boredom.” ~ LoveFraud

      You can read the rest of that article here:

      The Gray Rock method of dealing with psychopaths

      Good luck to you.

  11. This article talks as if only women experience this but there are men like me (adopted, then lost step-father and step-mother, been on my own emotionally since 8 and physically since 14), became a sensitive because of it and we experience the same thing with psychopathic women (and men) in our lives. My life has been completely ruined several times and at 54 I am having to have faith that somehow I can start again after psychopath’s have stolen everything from me that I worked so hard to create; an emotional healthy attitude and my financial wealth. All gone because of me having similar traits to the women described here. If I gave the details, anyone with any knowledge would know I have lived a living hell. I find it hard to trust anyone anymore, or function, though I must and I am worried because I am tired and breaking down physically. I have to pray that I don’t become homeless and starving because with the zeitgeist of our time, it’s likely.

    • I’m sorry, and I hope your life will change for the better very soon.

      Thanks to readers like you, I have become aware that men face the same problems with psychopaths, and I hope you will never have another in your life and that you will heal from the harm that you have suffered.

      Best wishes.

  12. I have recently ended a situation with a psychopath. I told my parents about it tonight over skype (I live abroad). Ironically enough, my mother said it’s probably my fault – ‘Well it seems your not getting on with anyone right now, maybe you are being too much. Are you sure it’s not you?’ – I wonder where my traits of a victim come from…… :(

  13. I recently ended a situation with a psychopath. We were actually involved in a crash together – he crashed our motorbike…at the time, he had just returned to the country after a month away. That night he got drunk and confessed all these feelings for me that I already had for him. I thought it to be perfect. Then he changed moods on the bike as we were going home together. He sped up to 80kph…I shouted for him to stop, saying I was frightened. He sped up and crashed us right into the jungle. At the time, I

  14. I learnt the ways of a emotional manipulator, I went from dealing with a psychopath to a guy who had a personality disorder. It just made me think about the mental disabilities they lack, never being able to experience a good relationship, to grow, to maintain a higher sense of self.

    I know it sounds rather precarious but I put myself in the situation again just to see how far they would go to destroy me and I always detach from the situation knowing all the issues they project, taunting, stalking, witholding is only because you have everything they lack so they attach to you and try to drain you out. But I realise that I did it to empower myself not for him.

    I think I first realised when they knock you down, (the Neg) an kind insult and then they say they are ‘here’ for you. & it’s totally true about the empathy and the compassion part. I like who I am and I would never change that. There will always be people like that around and you just have to realise that it is always about them and you just walk away.

    I had a knee jerk reaction to him, but I was totally aware of it all. They come from any direction, even those who should be professional. I think the worst part is trying to justify their behaviour and actions to someone who has never experienced it. I tried to get justice but in the end, they only knock you down and beat you with experience. I find it rather amusing that one should need to sink so low. It actually makes me think ‘WOW!YOU ARE REALLY MESSED UP AND YOU DON’T KNOW IT!’

    One word of advice: Keep intact with your reality and trust that your reactions are telling you the truth. They can lead you to a false sense of security to manipulate situation for own gain. They are most cunning creatures yet. Remember it can happen to anyone, but I think the learning point comes when you start investing in yourself more and forgetting about their existence.

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