Psychopaths know they have to hide what they truly are in order to win your heart. A psychopath knows you would not want anything to do with him or her if they didn’t. And when they’re trying to trap you, who do they pretend to be?
That means… you fell in love with yourself. Before you let an image of Narcissus admiring his own reflection send you running, know that self-love is healthy and vital to self-worth. Strong self-worth is your most powerful ally in life. And it’s a fact that people like others most who are similar to themselves.
It is understood that psychopaths mirror us. They become a mirror and reflect us back to ourselves. Here’s how that happens, according to Marriage counselor Gary Cundiff, MFT. He believes that psychopaths select targets based on their best qualities. After that, the predators morph themselves into copies of their targets so they appear to be perfect partners:
“Using each piece of information, they create the disguise — a mask carefully constructed to look like their prospective target. Flawlessly, they weave a picture of their mark… precisely reflecting the brightest, most honorable aspects of your personality, sewing in the most desirable and wanted details, literally stealing your persona, mirroring this image back, without the defects of character, flaws and shortcomings…
…The attraction is irresistible. People are attracted to those who are similar to themselves. By transforming themselves into a reflection of their prospective prey, the psychopath becomes the most alluring figure imaginable, and the propensity to trust that person becomes compelling.
As a result, you experience a sense of oneness like none other. At the emotional center of this connection is intensity never felt before, making the appeal addictive.”
After the psychopath we can find ourselves in the darkest place we’ve ever been. Often the last thing we feel is self-love. We’re far more likely to experience shame, self-blame and self-loathing to have fallen for a psychopath. But the truth is you didn’t fall for a psychopath — you fell for yourself. When all is said and done, what rises like a phoenix from the rubble and ashes is a deeply buried treasure — love for yourself, the love you were born with and deserve to have today and every day, no matter what. It is yours to keep, forever.
I didn’t truly love myself until after the psychopath. I don’t give him any credit for it since it certainly wasn’t his intention; in fact, his intention was quite the opposite. But I can honestly say I wouldn’t change what happened for anything, because of what I made from it. To take such devastation and slowly transform it into resilience and strength and self-love is powerful. It’s alchemy. Each and every one of you has that capability by virtue of your unbreakable human spirit and the light it emits, which can never be extinguished.
My wish for you is that within the devastation you are able to find a thousand treasures, the first and the greatest being love of yourself.
This post was inspired by an email I received today from a reader named Don. He included a poem about mirroring and self love for me to share with all of you. He’s in a dark place right now, but light is beginning to find its way in (or should I say, out). His poem follows these words he wrote to me:
“Currently, I am in the constant darkness of depression and entangled with the utmost feelings of sadness, fear and so much more. However, there still is a glimmering hope of humanity left in me… Please do as you wish in regards to publishing my poem. I may have written it but it belongs to the world. May it help even a single other person heal.”
THE PATH FORWARD
She mirrored you.
You fell in love – with yourself.
Broken down in its simplicity,
is that not the absolute best thing in the world?
You found love – the perfect love.
You found yourself and who you want to be.
You have learned how to love
By all things learned.
And you have found out,
in this moment – what love is.
Know thyself again.
There is more to learn.
– Written November 28, 2015 by Don S.
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