Broken hearts can surrender: to a beat that is tender
Throughout the life of this website, a theme has been materializing within the comments section. Whether you came here while in a place of of dark despair or were further along on your journey, many of you chose to step through the veil of cyberspace to share your pain, your stories, your encouragement and your wisdom. You put your thoughts and feelings into writing, and out of each word, each comment, a song was composed. Your words quietly joined with the words of others and assembled into lyrics and a melody, until your voices–each one unique–sang together in one common song. It is a soulful, poignant and heart-achingly beautiful song about the human spirit. (more…)
One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Through victimization by a psychopathic person, we enter the dark night of the soul—a period of spiritual desolation in which all sense of consolation is removed. You may be in a state of despair, feeling lost and alone, powerless, and without any purpose or direction in your life. Your sense of reality and your worldview are shattered. Eckhart Tolle describes it as the collapse of the meaning of life, of the belief that you understand what it’s all about. You doubt everything you have known to be true. You ask the big questions: What is the meaning of life? What does it mean to be human? What is my purpose?
You may feel that everything that defined who you think you are is gone… but don’t forget, YOU are the one who is experiencing that.
I once wrote here that “in the psychopath’s world, things are topsy-turvy. The psychopath sees our strengths as flaws, and sees his flaws as strengths. Things like love and trust and compassion make us fools who are easy to manipulate, while their ability to lie, manipulate, and act without remorse makes them strong and superior.”
Hate, and a lack of compassion, make people easy to manipulate, too. And so do frustration and desperation. We just witnessed this firsthand. Because of it, we now live in a world that is more topsy-turvy than ever.
“That sense of loss grew within the humans who had been left behind, left to live without unicorns. Even the ones who had never seen a unicorn, never heard of a unicorn, felt the passing of something sweet and wonderful. It was as if the air had surrendered a bit of its spice, the water a bit of its sparkle, the night a bit of its mystery.”
(Bruce Coville, Dark Whispers)
Loss of innocence. Shattered hopes and dreams. Identity crisis. These are common feelings among those of us who’ve been through the trauma of a relationship with a psychopath.
Why did you stay?
Why did I, and why did the rest of us? If you’re still involved, why can’t you leave?
Find out below. In the process, free yourself from needless self-blame and shame. It is tremendously powerful to understand the facts of your experience. It can help you heal.
The person you loved—maybe more than you ever loved anyone before—and who loved you just as much, is gone from your life, never to return. Of course you’re grieving.
But wait a minute, you tell yourself. You shouldn’t be grieving because you know this person didn’t really love you, and, in fact, your soul mate didn’t even really exist at all. You know now that after the glorious beginning, your relationship slowly became an ever-worsening emotional hell because of manipulation and from being treated with a stunning lack of empathy by person who was incapable of it, and who was also unable to love.
What are you supposed to do with that? (more…)