Book Review: The Other Side of Charm: Your Memoir, by H.G. Beverly

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Cover of the book "The Other Side of Charm" by HG BeverlyA few days ago I read a memoir so important, so effective, and so deeply moving that I feel compelled to tell you about it:

“The Other Side of Charm: Your Memoir,” by author, psychotherapist and psychopath survivor H.G. Beverly.

I’ve read many books on the subject of psychopathic abuse, but none even comes close to exposing the diabolical minds of these predators, the inner workings of their manipulation, or the harm suffered by their victims, to the degree this book does. Not even close. Beverly, writing in her unique and shockingly effective style, conveys her experience in a way that takes it to another level, one that’s infinitely deeper and darker than any other memoir I’ve read.

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Guest Post: The Crime in Emotional Rape and Rape by Fraud

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cover of the book carnal abuse by deceitThe Crime in Emotional Rape and Rape by Fraud

by Joyce M. Short

Emotional rape and rape by fraud are forms of rape in which no physical force is used to breach the victim’s knowing consent, so criminal penal code has a tough time figuring out how to treat it. Most of us conferring on this blog have experienced one or both forms of rape and can attest to them truly being an act of “rape”. However, whether prosecution exists to protect the victim differs from state to state.

Emotional rape is the act of defrauding someone of their highest emotion, which is love, through acts of deceit. Typically victims are mislead regarding the intent or commitment of the suitor. The perpetrator partakes of the loving emotion of their prey through deliberate and planned subterfuge. The likelihood of criminal prosecution ever being established for this treachery is very low.

Not so with rape by fraud, however, which often takes place concurrently with emotional rape. In several states, when a person uses false identity distortion to breach knowing consent, their hoax is a criminal offense. Such distortion would include lying about one’s factual biographical information such as age, religion, marital status, communicable disease, and more. In any other form of fraud, this type of misrepresentation would be considered a material misrepresentation, and would be punishable as a crime.

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Psychopaths and Love, the book, is now available

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P_and_L_Cover copy*UPDATE October 22nd: The book is now available as a paperback on Amazon. Thanks to all of you who have purchased the book so far! Please leave positive feedback on Amazon if you liked it. Many thanks.*

Psychopaths and Love is now available as a book! I’ve taken the best and most popular posts and pages, along with some new material, and organized it so it gives you what you need to know, in a logical and concise way.

Learn what a psychopath is and how to possibly spot one if you’re being pursued. Find out what makes you vulnerable. Read about how the psychopathic bond is created and how you get trapped in it. Learn how to tell if you’re being manipulated. And get ideas about healing afterward along with preventing it from happening again — or for the first time.

This book is perfect for you if:

  • You follow this blog.
  • You want a greater understanding of these pathological relationships, presented in a concise and logical way, from someone who has experienced it.
  • You are or know of a young person just entering the dating arena. Awareness may help! It’s certainly not foolproof, but at least it can give you or someone else a chance.
  • You’re out there dating after many years as a single person, or you’re just getting back to it after a breakup or divorce.
  • You’re female, male, gay, straight, or other. Although I write this blog from the point of view I experienced, I’ve heard from many people from all walks of life who tell me it applies to their situation, too.
  • You’re breathing (no one is immune, after all).

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The Mask of the Psychopath

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Grown-up red riding hood being pursued by a charming wolf wearing a mask

What is the mask of a psychopath? Where does the mask come from? And what can he do with it?

The psychopath’s mask — which is what allows him to go undetected – stems from his lack of an identity. 

Having an identity restricts a person to acting in ways that are in accordance with the characteristics of that identity.  For example, if someone is (or at least believes that she is) shy and reserved, she will have a hard time being outgoing in most situations.She believes that’s just the way she is, and that may be true. If you ask her to describe her personality, she’ll say “I’m shy and quiet. I’m an  introvert.”

Since the psychopath has only the vaguest sense of identity  (if he has one at all) he is totally free from the hindrances and restrictions an identity confers. Instead, he assumes whatever persona will work to get him whatever it is he wants from any given person at any given time. This persona he assumes is the “mask.”

One way the psychopath uses this mask is to create the “soul mate” relationship you believed you had in the beginning.

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The question that remains

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emile-friant-woman-with-a-lion

Emile Friant “Woman with a Lion”

My purpose for this blog was to make sense of my own experience, and to try to help others by sharing what I learned.

Since then, I’ve realized I’ll never really “make sense” of it. I can understand the dynamics of it and know what really happened, but it will never really make sense.

What happened to us is not anything we would have ever expected to happen. It doesn’t exist within our world views or our value systems, so it never can make sense. And because we are wired to make sense of things and resolve things, we keep trying to come to a nice, tidy conclusion that ties up all the loose ends. Forget it. It will remain forever dissonant.

What I realized is that even if I can apply the facts about psychopaths and the similarities of other people’s experiences to my own situation, something big was still missing. An important question remains unanswered, and will probably always remain unanswered. So instead of forever trying to figure out this riddle I was left with as a parting gift, this answer came to me:

Stop trying to reconcile the irreconcilable.  

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Faith that you will heal is the key to healing

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Little_Red_Riding_Hood_-_Project_Gutenberg_etext_19993

In your darkest hours, you may wonder if you will ever heal from something so awful as what you have been through, having been the victim of a psychopath. The experience might have left you questioning the meaning and purpose of your life, and of life in general. It may have shaken your belief in all you thought you knew about human nature, and left you feeling uncertain about everything, including yourself.

Where do you go from here?

There are some first steps that can get you started on the road that leads you up and out of the dark place you find yourself in now.

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