The question that remains



Emile Friant “Woman with a Lion”

My purpose for this blog was to make sense of my own experience, and to try to help others by sharing what I learned.

Since then, I’ve realized I’ll never really “make sense” of it. I can understand the dynamics of it and know what really happened, but it will never really make sense.

What happened to us is not anything we would have ever expected to happen. It doesn’t exist within our world views or our value systems, so it never can make sense. And because we are wired to make sense of things and resolve things, we keep trying to come to a nice, tidy conclusion that ties up all the loose ends. Forget it. It will remain forever dissonant.

What I realized is that even if I can apply the facts about psychopaths and the similarities of other people’s experiences to my own situation, something big was still missing. An important question remains unanswered, and will probably always remain unanswered. So instead of forever trying to figure out this riddle I was left with as a parting gift, this answer came to me:

Stop trying to reconcile the irreconcilable.  

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Faith that you will heal is the key to healing



In the darkest hours, you may wonder if you will ever heal from something so awful as having been the victim of a psychopath. The experience might have left you questioning the meaning and purpose of your life, and in life in general.

Where do you go from here?

There are some first steps that can get you started on the road that leads you up and out of the dark place you find yourself in now.

Gaining a clear understanding of what happened is necessary. It’s important to have this understanding because when you do, you can begin to stop blaming yourself for the end of the relationship; or if you already know what really happened, then you can stop blaming yourself for having fell for a predator and his manipulation.

There are plenty of resources available to help you to understand. This website and others like it that are written by people who have been through the same thing can offer a wealth of information and, just as important, let you know that you’re not alone. There are also plenty of websites, books, and articles by experts. I’ve listed many of these resources in the sidebar.

Another vital part of the foundation of healing is faith. This doesn’t mean religious faith; it refers to the belief that you will heal. Having faith that you will heal means that even after all you’ve been through, you want to heal and you believe that you will, even if you don’t know how that will happen right now. 

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