Memory Manipulation: An Investigation

Memory Manipulation: An Investigation

That summer was magical.

Can you remember it? An ethereal beauty veiled the world. Each moment was suspended in time that dripped like dark, sweet molasses. You swam naked in a black lake under a golden moon, whispering secrets only the wind will ever know. Sparkling stardust fell gently from the sky, and like a beam of light your laughter traveled to the end of the universe and back again. Love had come like a glittering gift bestowed upon you by some benevolent god. 

And then one day your true love looked into your eyes and said,

“I don’t know where you got the idea this was ever going to be anything more than an affair.”

I knew exactly where I got the idea: from him. He was trying to make me doubt my memory, trying to make me think I’d imagined it all or somehow misunderstood his intentions. It didn’t work, but I was rendered speechless by shock and bewilderment.

Although this was the most heinous of his attempts to make me doubt my memory, it was far from the only one. “I never said that!” was something I heard all too often. 

Did the psychopath you were involved with try to manipulate you in this way? If so, your input is needed in an investigation of memory manipulation.

University of Windsor researchers seeking participants to complete online survey about experiences in relationships with psychopaths


Researchers at the University of Windsor are interested in hearing about your experiences with suspected psychopaths. Use the link below to complete a screening questionnaire to determine if you are eligible to participate in the study:

For this screening questionnaire, you will be asked about a specific time when someone you suspect is a psychopath made you question your memory for a past event. This may have been because they told you that your memory was incorrect, that the events did not happen, or that other people have doubts about your experiences. The researchers are hoping to learn more about your experiences of remembering and communicating with suspected psychopaths about things that happened in the past.

Participation is completely voluntary and no identifying information will be connected with your responses. Participants who complete the screening questionnaire will be entered in a draw to win one of three $100 Amazon e-gift cards. Eligible participants who complete the full survey will receive a $5 Amazon e-gift card for their time.

Your participation in this research is important for gaining new knowledge about how individuals in relationships with psychopathic individuals remember past events. Please note, participation in the study may involve thinking about potentially painful relationship experiences.

I hope you’ll help these researchers learn about the tactics psychopaths use to manipulate and control others in relationships. It could have important implications for therapeutic intervention as well as for broader societal awareness of how psychopaths function in the world, which is desperately needed.

Your time and input will be greatly appreciated. Many thanks to all of you. 


♥ The first paragraph of this post comes from THE KNOWN, THE UNKNOWN AND THE UNKNOWABLE. You can read the rest of my story here. 


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Broken Hearts Can Surrender

Broken Hearts Can Surrender

Broken hearts can surrender: to a beat that is tender

Throughout the life of this website, a theme has been materializing within the comments section. Whether you came here while in a place of of dark despair or were further along on your journey, many of you chose to step through the veil of cyberspace to share your pain, your stories, your encouragement and your wisdom. You put your thoughts and feelings into writing, and out of each word, each comment, a song was composed. Your words quietly joined with the words of others and assembled into lyrics and a melody, until your voices–each one unique–sang together in one common song. It is a soulful, poignant and heart-achingly beautiful song about the human spirit. (more…)

Dark Night of the Collective Soul

Dark Night of the Collective Soul

“There is no anchor any more. At the core of the administration of the most powerful country on earth, there is, instead, madness.”

~ Andrew Sullivan, “The Madness of King Donald,” The New Yorker

It came as a twilight, an eerie dusk whose faded light revealed the shadows of long-hidden beasts. Trepidation hung in the air like a damp chill as a steady wind blew, carrying whispered warnings. Low clouds gathered overhead as thunder rumbled from some distant place.

And then the storm was upon us. Lightning crashed and hard, cold rain fell as the wind howled like a chorus of injured beasts. Somewhere in a dark forest, an ancient door creaked open and mad dogs were loosed—an army of them—barking and ravenous, tearing to pieces everything in their path.

The storm didn’t pass. Every day brought with it more darkness, more cold rain, more barking, more chaos, more outrage and injustice. What becomes of a society when the mad dogs take over? What becomes of it when truth and reason are torn to shreds, and replaced by greed and hate?

What becomes of us when morality has nothing to do with anything?


Dark Night of the Soul: A Spiritual and Existential Crisis

Dark Night of the Soul: A Spiritual and Existential Crisis

One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.

~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Through victimization by a psychopathic person, we enter the dark night of the soul—a period of spiritual desolation in which all sense of consolation is removed. You may be in a state of despair, feeling lost and alone, powerless, and without any purpose or direction in your life. Your sense of reality and your worldview are shattered. Eckhart Tolle describes it as the collapse of the meaning of life, of the belief that you understand what it’s all about. You doubt everything you have known to be true. You ask the big questions: What is the meaning of life? What does it mean to be human? What is my purpose?

You may feel that everything that defined who you think you are is gone… but don’t forget, YOU are the one who is experiencing that.


Blue Christmas

Blue Christmas

“In the bleak midwinter
Earth stood hard as iron,
Water like a stone
Snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow on snow
In the bleak midwinter, long ago.”

(In the Bleak Midwinter, a Christmas carol)

If the words above describe how you feel, my heart goes out to you. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I wish I could say just the right words, but I know there’s nothing that will fix it. I just wanted you to know I care and am here with you.

The holidays can be can be a season of deep loneliness and sorrow for those of you who are are going through trauma and grief. The season can trigger deep sadness and a sense that you’re alone, even in a crowd. The feeling that no one close to you understands what you’re dealing with can grow more acute. At gatherings of family and friends, you feel like you have to fake being happy when what you really feel is betrayal, abandonment and loss.

If your grief is overwhelming, take a year off if that’s what you feel you need to do. If you have children, ignoring the holidays isn’t possible. Otherwise, there is no rule that says you have to celebrate with your family and friends. Only say yes to things you really want to do, if anything. Embrace the quieter joys of the season, if you’re up to it. Feel the freedom to celebrate or not, in a way that enables you to make it through. Tell others you need some time for yourself this year and that you plan to be back in the festivities next year. It’s true, and you will.

Be sure to give yourself the gift of self-compassion this holiday season. What is self-compassion?

  • Self-kindness, as opposed to self-judgment.
  • Remembering that imperfection is part of the shared human experience—-that you’re not alone in your suffering.
  • Mindfull awareness that you’re suffering, without which you cannot give yourself compassion. You have to say, “Wait a second. This hurts. This is really hard. This is a moment where I need compassion.”

Read more about it: The Self-Compassion Effect

Last year a reader said,

“I know how very painful this is for you. The holidays are very emotional, and when we are in pain it is even more wrenching. I know it is not the same as having us there, but I hope you will believe that many of us are supporting you and understanding how you are feeling, and wishing comfort and hope and healing for you in the new year.”

It’s true, and I hope you can feel it.

I’d like to share my favorite holiday song with you…

Lo, how a Rose e’er blooming from tender stem hath sprung!
Of Jesse’s lineage coming, as men of old have sung.
It came, a flowereth bright, amid the cold of winter,
When half spent was the night.



My holiday wish for you is that you will bloom a little amid the cold of winter, as you feel the warm light that still burns within you. May it illuminate hope, compassion and healing.



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“In a time of deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.”

(George Orwell, 1984)

Something bizarre is going on. Every day, there is more drama. Everywhere, despite mounting evidence, people are denying facts. At every turn, we hear words unbound by truth or logic. False arguments have replaced reason and rationality. Even the Russians are involved! Thoughts of Kafka and Orwell dance through our heads. It seems that reality itself has fallen down the rabbit hole.

This could only mean one thing:

There’s a pathological personality in our midst. 

“One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship.”

(G. Orwell, 1984)

Although plenty of mental health professionals have given their opinions and unofficial diagnoses, no one needs a psychology degree to know that the president-elect isn’t mentally fit for the job. Those of us with knowledge about personality disorders know that he is affected by pathological narcissism, at the least. 

“The lessons I learned in kindergarten — not in medical school and years of psychiatric practice — are what tell me that Trump is unfit for the job,” said Matthew Goldenberg, assistant professor of psychiatry at Yale University School of Medicine,“A professional opinion: You don’t need a psychiatrist to know there’s something wrong with Donald Trump” (LA Times)

According to Glenn Carle, retired CIA officer and interrogator, The facts hurt. Trump won’t like the truth, and he will without question seek to destroy those individuals or organizations that say or do anything that he thinks harm his precious grandiosity… 

Look, in my professional assessment as an intelligence officer, Trump has a reflexive, defensive, monumentally narcissistic personality, for whom the facts and national interest are irrelevant, and the only thing that counts is whatever gives personal advantage and directs attention to himself. He is about the juiciest intelligence target an intelligence officer could imagine. He groans with vulnerabilities. He will only work with individuals or entities that agree with him and build him up, and he is a shockingly easy intelligence ‘target’ to manipulate.”

(Glenn L. Carle served twenty-three years in the Clandestine Services of the Central Intelligence Agency. Mr. Carle holds a B.A. in Government from Harvard University, and a M.A. in European Studies and international Economics from the Johns Hopkins University School of Advanced International Studies. Currently he is an Associate Fellow at the Harvard Kennedy School Carr Center for Human Rights Policy.)

Far more significant than the opinions above are these official statements:

  • In a joint statement, twenty Nuclear Launch Officers wrote: 

Only the president can order a nuclear launch. That order cannot be vetoed and once the missiles have been launched, they cannot be called back. The consequences of miscalculation, impulsive decision-making or poor judgment on the part of the president could be catastrophic…

The pressures the system places on that one person are staggering and require enormous composure, judgment, restraint and diplomatic skill. Donald Trump does not have these leadership qualities. On the contrary, he has shown himself time and again to be easily baited and quick to lash out, dismissive of expert consultation and ill-informed of even basic military and international affairs – including, most especially, nuclear weapons…

Donald Trump should not be the nation’s commander-in-chief. He should not be entrusted with the nuclear launch codes. He should not have his finger on the button.”


  • In another joint statement, 50 former national security officials wrote: 

“We are convinced that he would be a dangerous President and would put at risk our country’s national security and well-being. Most fundamentally, Mr. Trump lacks the character, values, and experience to be President.

He is unable or unwilling to separate truth from falsehood. He does not encourage conflicting views. He lacks self-control and acts impetuously. He cannot tolerate personal criticism. He has alarmed our closest allies with his erratic behavior. All of these are dangerous qualities in an individual who aspires to be President and Commander-in-Chief, with command of the U.S. nuclear arsenal…

We understand that many Americans are profoundly frustrated with the federal government and its inability to solve pressing domestic and international problems. We also know that many have doubts about Hillary Clinton, as do many of us. But Donald Trump is not the answer to America’s daunting challenges and to this crucial election. We are convinced that in the Oval Office, he would be the most reckless President in American history.”



“We are convinced that in the Oval Office, he would be the most reckless President in American history.”

How did so many give him their approval anyway? And… 

What made it possible for people to vote for a candidate who refused to disclose his tax returns? 

After all, it’s extremely important to examine a presidential candidate’s taxes. It’s not legally required, but it should be. If anyone in our congress had a spine, they would be demanding to see it now, in light of recent events regarding election tampering.

As Mitt Romney put it,

“Tax returns provide the public with its sole confirmation of the veracity of a candidate’s representations regarding charities, priorities, wealth, tax conformance, and conflicts of interest. Further… the potential for hidden inappropriate associations with foreign entities, criminal organizations, or other unsavory groups is simply too great a risk to ignore.

It seems like Trump was (and still is) hiding something. Why didn’t that matter to his supporters? 

“simply too great a risk to ignore.”

“The real division is not between conservatives and revolutionaries but between authoritarians and libertarians.”

(George Orwell, The Lost Orwell: Being a Supplement to The Complete Works of George Orwell)

How is it possible so many people got on the Trump bandwagon? 

Authoritarianism might be the foundation of Trump’s popularity.

Trump is authoritarian, and so are his followers.

“The political phenomenon we identify as right-wing populism seems to line up, with almost astonishing precision, with the research on how authoritarianism is both caused and expressed,” according to the Vox article, “The rise of American authoritarianism.” Psychological profiles of individual voters were characterized by a desire for order and a fear of outsiders. When people who score high in authoritarianism feel threatened, they look for strong leaders who promise to take whatever action necessary to protect them from outsiders and to prevent the changes they fear.

The researchers concluded that “the GOP, by positioning itself as the party of traditional values and law and order, had unknowingly attracted what would turn out to be a vast and previously bipartisan population of Americans with authoritarian tendencies. This trend had been accelerated in recent years by demographic and economic changes such as immigration, which ‘activated’ authoritarian tendencies, leading many Americans to seek out a strongman leader who would preserve a status quo they feel is under threat and impose order on a world they perceive as increasingly alien…

Authoritarians are thought to express much deeper fears than the rest of the electorate, to seek the imposition of order where they perceive dangerous change, and to desire a strong leader who will defeat those fears with force. They would thus seek a candidate who promised these things. And the extreme nature of authoritarians’ fears, and of their desire to challenge threats with force, would lead them toward a candidate whose temperament was totally unlike anything we usually see in American politics — and whose policies went far beyond the acceptable norms. A candidate like Donald Trump.”

Trump pledged to defeat all that his base feared—globalism, crime, immigration, terrorism, and changes in social norms and demographics (Read Trump’s RNC speech, with fact checking, here). “I am your voice,” said Trump, in his RNC speech. “I have joined the political arena so that the powerful can no longer beat up on people who cannot defend themselves. Nobody knows the system better than me. Which is why I alone can fix it.”

“The extreme nature of authoritarians’ fears, and their desire to challenge threats with force, would lead them toward a candidate whose temperament was totally unlike anything we usually see in American politics — and whose policies went far beyond the acceptable norms.”

“How dependent are our fundamental values—values such as decency, reason, and compassion—-on the fellow we’ve elected President? Maybe less than we imagine. To be sure, the country voted for a leader who lives by the opposite code—it will be a long and dark winter—-but the signs are that voters were not rejecting these values. They were rejecting élites, out of fear and fury that, when it came to them, these values had been abandoned.

… Many of them saw an establishment of politicians, professors, and corporations that has failed to offer, or even to seem very interested in, a vision of the modern world that provides them with a meaningful place of respect and worth…

Repealing Obamacare, which has provided coverage to twenty-two million people; cutting safety-net programs; downgrading hard-won advances in civil liberties and civil rights—-these things will make the lives of those left out only meaner and harder.”

Read the rest of this short essay, along with fifteen others: HEALTH OF THE NATION, By Atul Gawande, The New Yorker

“2 + 2 = 5”

(George Orwell, 1984)

How have people been manipulated into irrational denial of facts? Could it be that Trump ran his campaign in a fascist manner?

Timothy Snyder, professor of history at Yale University and author of “Black Earth: The Holocaust as History and Warning,” talked about fascism on “The Diane Rehm Show,” December 13th, 2016. Some excerpts:

“Fascism was a reaction against globalization. It was the claim that one should put one’s own country and one’s own people first. Fascism put a face on globalization. It said that globalization wasn’t just a matter of rules or challenges, but of specific enemies, usually ethnic enemies, often arrayed in some kind of a conspiracy. Fascism said we shouldn’t try to understand the world with a reason, but instead rely on faith — not faith in God, but faith in a particular leader. So fascism put emotions ahead of thoughts. It put will ahead of reasonability…

Fascists and their followers by way of elections or other means, were able to overturn democracies throughout Central and Eastern Europe. And we see something like a similar pattern emerging now…

We’ve gotten ourselves convinced that ideas don’t matter anymore, that all the big ideas have left the framework, which is just not the case. The idea, for example, that truth doesn’t matter, the whole post-factual business that we’re now getting used to. That’s actually a fascist idea for the 1920s and 1930s, that one should have faith in individuals, one can ignore the facts, right? Those are old ideas. Those are the kinds of ideas which allow regimes to change. So those are — that’s another thing one should pay attention to…

I find it very hard to know what the man [Trump] actually believes. And I would be suspicious of anyone, you know, except perhaps his family and closest friends, who would make confident claims about that. But I think that, itself, is precisely one reason to be concerned. The way fascism works is to deny the importance of consistency. And Mr. Trump is someone who has generally taken both sides of every position…

If you watch the rallies… there are some patterns which are quite familiar to those of us who have watched the films or read the transcripts of rallies from the 1920s and 1930s. The first is the total hostility to facts, right? That you just most of the time say things that aren’t true. The second is the kind of shamanistic incantation, which in Trump’s case was, ‘build the wall’ and ‘lock her up.’ Things which are criminal, things which we know are not actually going to happen, but which establish a kind of mystical relationship between the crowd and the person…

The third is magical thinking. You know, the constant promise at the rallies that we’re going to simultaneously cut taxes, pay off the national debt, increase spending on domestic policy and on defense. We all know that this is impossible, right? But we embrace it.

And then, finally, the final element, which is very similar to Interwar fascist rallies would be the misplaced faith. Where Trump says things like, ‘I alone can solve this,’ or ‘I am your voice,’ which can lead people to confuse their faith in the leader with truth or can lead people to abandon their own claim to individually discern what’s actually going on. That’s very similar and that’s alarming…

I think it’s very important for us to take history seriously and rather than focus on what fascism means to you and to me, to remember that fascism was actually a thing in the world which brought about tens of millions of deaths and a Second World War and a Holocaust. It was something — to move to the question of whether, you know, one is insulting one’s fellow Americans or not — it was something that appealed to patriotic Italians, patriotic Romanians, patriotic Germans, and in the ’20s and ’30s, also many patriotic Americans. That is precisely the problem. We can’t get away from the problem by saying we’re insulting this or we’re insulting that…

That things that happened in the past, teach us about what’s possible in the present and in the future. So we have to be alert to this, precisely because we are vulnerable to it…

[Trump] uses technology to get through, to get by, to get over the normal conventions about what’s true, right? And in that, I have to say, it’s extremely important — and it’s something I think conservatives in particular should be alert to — the indifference to facts, or the attempt to create a new reality, isn’t just some kind of detail…

When we get to a world where fiction trumps fact, we’ve taken a big step towards fascism. Not towards conservatism, that’s something completely different, but towards fascism. This whole post-factuality business, I think, is pre-fascist…

The reason why this question, Diane, is so interesting is that it calls us back to what I think the really important question is, not the analogy with fascism, not the comparison with fascism, not the term but what we learned from it. And what we learned from the history of fascism is how democracies die, right, and one thing which Hitler, just to take that example, was in fact very good at was communicating in one way to his followers, in a way they understood, and in a different way to the political establishment. And thereby if you look at the end of 1932 and the beginning of 1933 when he came to power, in this respect it actually was very similar…

I think this is what Americans should be thinking of, and don’t — the question of how democracies die, what it looks like when a figure comes to power who we don’t know — I agree, we don’t know, but a figure who may be an anti-systemic figure. What are the things that happen next? The history of the ’20s and ’30s gives you landmarks. One of them is this kind of confusion. Another is a disaster which happens, which then leads to a state of emergency…

The interesting thing about fascism is that as a historical phenomenon, it’s precisely neither right nor left. The claim that fascism makes is that’s beyond all of that, which is, by the way, another similarity to our present situation…

Fascism is not something that can be dismissed from history just by saying that left-wing people call other people fascists. Fascism is something that happened to people who were very similar to you and me. That’s why we have to be concerned…

Global capitalism brings wealth, but global capitalism also brings inequality and lots of challenges. Because people feel inequality, subjectively, objectively, you get extreme reactions, both fascism and communism. The repair job that we did in the second half of the 20th century was to remember that if we want to have capitalism that doesn’t radicalize people, we also have to have a state which gives people a sense that they and their families have a future. That’s a kind of bare minimum.

We learned that lesson as an answer both to communism and to fascism. I think it’s a lesson worth remembering.”

“What are the things that happen next? The history of the ’20s and ’30s gives you landmarks. One of them is this kind of confusion. Another is a disaster which happens, which then leads to a state of emergency… “

To finish Snyder’s thought, read this short piece, if you dare:  The Burning of Reichstag

What’s going on now, with Trump’s choices for cabinet positions and advisers?

He’s picked a Goldman Sachs executive to run the US Treasury; chose a woman who wants to dismantle public education as education secretary; picked a man who is on the record saying “fear of Muslims is RATIONAL,” for national security adviser; chose a lawyer who is an anti-EPA activist and who doesn’t ‘believe’ in climate change for Environmental Protection Agency administrator; wants the Department of Energy run by a man who wants to get rid of the department, and who has no background in science; picked a fast-food executive—who is against overtime pay and a living wage—to run the Dept of Labor; and for Attorney General—protector of our civil rights—the man he chose  thinks the KKK is fine, except for the fact that some smoke marijuana. 

Trump Cabinet Tracker

The foxes are in the hen house, it seems. Are his followers concerned yet?

Laura Ingraham, conservative radio host, said “As long as they effectively implement and advocate for the Trump agenda, all this criticism will fade away.”

But what IS the Trump agenda? He never made it clear, and when he did reveal  some of his plans, they were unrealistic and never backed by how he planned to carry them out. 

For a clue we can look to Stephen Bannon, his chief strategist and senior counselor, ex-Goldman Sachs banker and former head of Breitbart news. Bannon has been searching for years for someone to carry out his own agenda, according to the New York Times article, “Combative, Populist Steve Bannon Found His Man in Donald Trump”:

“More quietly, Mr. Bannon systematically courted a series of politicians, especially those who share his dark, populist worldview… Finally, in Mr. Trump, Mr. Bannon found his man. Mr. Bannon told a colleague in multiple conversations during the presidential campaign that he knew Mr. Trump was an “imperfect vessel” for the revolution he had in mind. But the upstart candidate and the media entrepreneur bonded anyway.”

And what is Bannon’s agenda? In his own words:

“Lenin wanted to destroy the state, and that’s my goal, too . . . I want to bring everything crashing down, and destroy all of today’s establishment.”

Remember what the former CIA officer, Carle, said about Trump: He groans with vulnerabilities. He will only work with individuals or entities that agree with him and build him up, and he is a shockingly easy ‘target’ to manipulate.

ThinkProgress author Ned Resnikoff offers an explanation of Bannon’s manipulative strategy. An excerpt:

“In [Trump’s] political universe, facts are unstable and ephemeral; events follow one after the other with no clear causal linkage; and danger is everywhere, although its source seems to change at random… President-elect Trump offers an ever-shifting phantasmagoria of sense impressions and unreliable information, barely held together by a fog of anxiety and bewilderment…

It is tempting to suppose Trump built this phantasmagoria by accident — that it is the byproduct of an erratic, undisciplined, borderline pathological approach to dishonesty. But the president-elect should not be underestimated. His victories in both the Republican primary and the general election were stunning upsets, and he is now set to alter the course of world history. If he does not fully understand what he is doing, his advisers certainly do. Steve Bannon… knows. In a recent interview with the Hollywood Reporter, Bannon suggested that the key elements in his strategy are dissimulation and ‘darkness.’

“Darkness is good. Dick Cheney. Darth Vader. Satan. That’s power,” he said. “It only helps us when they get it wrong. When they’re blind to who we are and what we’re doing.”

It’s working. The media’s coverage of the Trump transition is blurry and confused. Stories that should be real scandals — such as Trump’s apparent efforts to manipulate international diplomacy for personal financial gain — get lost in the shuffle. Because of the constant media focus on his campaign, Trump was able to bombard the airwaves with an unending stream of surreal falsehoods… Many… were obviously false and easily debunked. But the sheer volume of these stories had their intended effect. When fake news becomes omnipresent, all news becomes suspect. Everything starts to look like a lie…

It is tempting to take solace in the belief that, if Trump cannot be taken literally, his extreme rhetoric might conceal a secret moderate streak. But that hope would be misplaced. Non-linear warfare is intrinsically authoritarian.

The president-elect is speaking the language of dictators.

… When political actors can’t agree on basic facts and procedures, compromise and rule-bound argumentation are basically impossible; politics reverts back to its natural state as a raw power struggle in which the weak are dominated by the strong…

That’s where Donald Trump’s lies are taking us. By attacking the very notion of shared reality, the president-elect is making normal democratic politics impossible. … If he succeeds, then the very notion of political reality will have been reduced to little more than a bad joke. The logic of democratic discourse will have been wholly replaced with the surreal anti-logic of nightmares.”

(Excerpt from “Trump’s lies have a purpose. They are an assault on democracy,” ThinkProgress) 


Despite all of this, some people are still giving Trump the benefit of the doubt, which means they somehow still have doubt, and others are cautiously optimistic:

“I think the next few years will be a kind of stress test for the liberal, democratic constitutional institutions that we have built with such pain and such struggle over the last two-and-a-quarter centuries,” said former Clinton White House aide Bill Galston. “I am cautiously optimistic that our institutions will pass that test, but they will be tested.”

That might be the best we can hope for with a pathological narcissist for a president. 

“Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two makes four. If that is granted, all else follows”

(George Orwell, 1984)

Debunking One of the Many Lies

Trump has dismissed the US intelligence community’s findings that Russia was behind the DNC’s hacking, and that the act was committed to interfere with the election. He calls the claims “ridiculous,” and said that the US has no idea who was behind it. 

“No, I don’t believe that at all,” Trump said. “They have no idea if it’s Russia or China or somebody. It could be somebody sitting in a bed some place. I mean they have no idea.”

That’s not true, and he knows it. But he expects to be believed anyway, which would mean believing that every intel agency in America is either incompetent or corrupt. As he tries to change our perception of reality, his attempts to gaslight us have no bounds. He doesn’t even hesitate to ruin his relationship with the very agencies he will be expected to rely upon in order to make important decisions regarding our national security and that could seriously effect the rest of the world. 

All 16 US intelligence agencies agree that Russians hacked the DNC, and that the goal was to interfere with the US election process. Trump’s claim that the US has “no idea” who is behind recent email hacks is just not true. 

On October 7, 2016, the Department of Homeland Security and Office of the Director of National Intelligence issued a joint statement on behalf of the U.S. Intelligence Community, which is made up of the 16 agencies. Here is the statement, from the Department of Homeland Security’s website:

“The U.S. Intelligence Community (USIC) is confident that the Russian Government directed the recent compromises of e-mails from US persons and institutions, including from US political organizations. The recent disclosures of alleged hacked e-mails on sites like and WikiLeaks and by the Guccifer 2.0 online persona are consistent with the methods and motivations of Russian-directed efforts. These thefts and disclosures are intended to interfere with the US election process. Such activity is not new to Moscow—the Russians have used similar tactics and techniques across Europe and Eurasia, for example, to influence public opinion there. We believe, based on the scope and sensitivity of these efforts, that only Russia’s senior-most officials could have authorized these activities.”

Yet Trump—and some of the right-wing media—still insist the story is “fake news” created by the left to “make excuses” for Clinton’s election loss. 

During the third presidential debate, Clinton said about Trump: “He’d rather believe Vladimir Putin than the military and civilian intelligence professionals who are sworn to protect us.” Trump was able to manipulate his followers into believing Putin, too, even though the joint statement from the US intelligence community printed above had been released two weeks prior to the debate.

Trump succeeded in his ongoing manipulative campaign to create distrust of the media, which he did to keep his potential voters from the facts. Most of them likely never even saw the statement from US intelligence, or the statements from the nuclear officers and former national security officials declaring Trump a danger and unfit for the presidency.

Today, the New York Times published a well-written and detailed report: “The Perfect Weapon: How Russian Cyberpower Invaded the U.S.” If you have doubts, read it, and then decide for yourself. It should create the point at which the evidence clearly outweighs claims based on someone’s uninformed opinion, especially when he has personal motivation to deny it. 

At this point, no one is saying that the voting process itself was tampered with. The release of the DNC emails was intended to damage public opinion about Clinton and thus effect how many would vote for her, according to the CIA, in an effort to tip the election in Trump’s favor.

Should the US have to live with the results of an election that was tampered with by foreign agents? The course of history will be changed. Unless the electoral college overturns the election on December 19th, or some other bombshell drops, Trump will be president. Political experts warn that an Electoral College revolt next week — particularly one waged on the heels of such a bitter election — would cast the nation into crisis.“It would give a lot of people serious confusion and create a sense of panic, even though it would be a perfectly legal, logical progression,” said Brandon Rottinghaus, a political science professor at the University of Houston. Trump’s presidency could cast the nation into a crisis, too, but it’s impossible to be certain of that, so he’ll continue to be given the benefit of the doubt.


“Throughout the campaign, Trump described his philosophy as one of ‘America first.’ He drew an enthusiastic response from his supporters for signaling that he would refocus U.S. foreign policy, away from the course pursued for the past eight years by President Obama and seemingly abandoning a broader consensus that has guided presidents of both parties for decades.

But if standing up to Russian attempts to interfere with American democracy isn’t a foundational principle of an “America first” policy, what is?

Trump’s response has suggested a different focus and different philosophy, one that might be described as ‘Trump first,’ rather than ‘America first.’ His instincts appear to be aimed at shielding himself.”


Washington Post, For a president-elect who touts ‘America first,’ Russian hacking poses a problem

With all of this chaos—and speculation about Trump’s ties to Russia because of it—you would expect that he would release his tax returns immediately to resolve any ideas of wrongdoing or conflicts of interest on his part. Unless there is some reason to keep them hidden, it does not make sense. 


“I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.”

(Trump, at a campaign rally)

Trump was probably right. He knew his campaign of manipulation had its intended effect. Trump waged a war on reality, one fought with tactics such as gaslighting, distraction, and blatant lying—often in a way that was (and continues to be) outright bullshitting. 

In his 2005 book On Bullshit, Harry G. Frankfurt, emeritus philosophy professor at Princeton University, writes that bullshit is more dangerous than lies, since it removes even the possibility of truth existing and being found. Frankfurt observed that even though the liar might spread untruth, he or she inhabits a universe where the distinction between truth and falsehood still matters. The bullshitter, by contrast, does not care what is true or not. “By virtue of this,” Frankfurt writes, “bullshit is a greater enemy of truth than lies are.”

A few examples of Trump’s BS:  

  • He said that Obama “came out of nowhere,” and that “the people that went to school with him, they never saw him, they don’t know who he is. It’s crazy.” 
  • He claimed to have seen “thousands and thousands” of Muslim Americans cheering 9/11 New Jersey. When asked why there are no videos of it, Trump told reporter Joe Scarborough that the evidence has disappeared. “Don’t forget, 14, 15 years ago, it wasn’t like it is today, where you press a button and you play a video.”
  • He has repeated and vigorously defended his claim that 81 percent of whites who are murdered are killed by blacks, even though the actual number for last year is 15 percent. 

Trump’s bullshitting isn’t an anomaly. The Republican party has increasingly adopted positions that defy facts and science. If climate change doesn’t exist, there is no reason to discuss it and no way to solve the problem, because there isn’t any problem to solve.

Trump lied when he feigned outrage over the Clinton email issue. After all of that outrage and all of his promises to “lock her up” because of her threat to national security, Trump considered Gen. David Petraus for Secretary of State—a man who is still on probation after being found guilty of sharing classified documents. And for his national security adviser, Trump picked Ret. Gen. Michael Flynn, who Army officials found guilty of sharing classified material with foreign officials. Trump admitted at a post-election rally that he never really intended to prosecute Clinton, saying that it was good for getting elected and now it was time to forget about it. “That plays great before the election,” he told supporters at a rally. “Now we don’t care, right?”

Trump lied to create distrust in mainstream media. He kept up his anti-media rant throughout his campaign, calling journalists liars, biased, disgusting and scum, and even threatened to sue them and to end freedom of the press if elected, to keep voters from the facts. “Distrust of legitimate journalism is no joking matter. What happens to democracy when an uninformed, misinformed, or dis-informed populace tries to make sound decisions? The simple and terrible answer is, democracy fails,” wrote Kathleen Parker in Fake news, media distrust and the threat to democracy.  After the election, Trump met with NY Times editors and said, “The New York Times is a great, great American jewel. A world jewel. And I hope we can all get along well.”

“As a candidate, Trump’s gas lighting was manipulative; as President-elect it is a deliberate attempt to destabilize journalism as a check on the power of government. The threat of deception is not a partisan issue.”

Lauren Duca,  Donald Trump Is Gaslighting America.

What is the effect of all of this manipulation and psychological warfare on us? It’s probably not going to stop any time soon. 

Trump supporters will be affected, too, as they come to realize that the reality of their candidate is very different from what he presented.

I suspect the effects will be the same ones that so many of us experienced from having been involved in manipulative, abusive, exploitative relationships: Mistrust, betrayal, doubt, confusion, moral injury, grief, depression and shame. We’ve been thrust unwillingly into the chaos and unreality a highly narcissistic and sociopathic public figure has created, one who will soon have the power to change our lives.  It’s important for us to have strong boundaries, and to take extra-good care of ourselves at this time. 

Read about post-election stress and trauma, and how to deal with it:

How to cope with post-election stress

A new kind of grief — post-election trauma

I’m a therapist. Here’s how I help clients traumatized by the election.

America’s therapists are worried about Trump’s effect on your mental health

Election 2016: Why People Will Vote For Their Own Destruction, And How To Stop Them (Part I)

Election 2016: The ABC Of Election Spin ‘Psy-ops’, And How To Fight Back To Save The World (Part II)

Election 2016: How To Win Friends, Influence People And Help Them Taste, Feel And See The Truth (Part III)

“The further a society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate those who speak it”
(George Orwell)

This calls for kittens.

Related Posts



I once wrote here that “in the psychopath’s world, things are topsy-turvy. The psychopath sees our strengths as flaws, and sees his flaws as strengths. Things like love and trust and compassion make us fools who are easy to manipulate, while their ability to lie, manipulate, and act without remorse makes them strong and superior.”

Hate, and a lack of compassion, make people easy to manipulate, too. And so do frustration and desperation. We just witnessed this firsthand. Because of it, we now live in a world that is more topsy-turvy than ever.


Illusions Shattered, Innocence Lost, Identity Shaken

Illusions Shattered, Innocence Lost, Identity Shaken

“That sense of loss grew within the humans who had been left behind, left to live without unicorns. Even the ones who had never seen a unicorn, never heard of a unicorn, felt the passing of something sweet and wonderful. It was as if the air had surrendered a bit of its spice, the water a bit of its sparkle, the night a bit of its mystery.”

(Bruce Coville, Dark Whispers)

Loss of innocence. Shattered hopes and dreams. Identity crisis. These are common feelings among those of us who’ve been through the trauma of a relationship with a psychopath.


All the World’s a Stage… To a Psychopath

All the World’s a Stage… To a Psychopath


IMAGINE, for a moment, being a psychopath. Try to imagine not having a conscience. What would that be like? You would not have any feelings of guilt, shame or remorse, no matter how immoral or even heinous an action you’d taken. Imagine having no concern for anyone, not even friends or family. Imagine that the ideas of ‘responsibility’ and ‘commitment’ are foreign to you, except as things that stupid fools believe in.

Now, imagine the having the ability—and the need—to hide all of this from other people so they wouldn’t know how radically and fundamentally different you are. Since no one would expect it, and since so few are even aware that people like you actually exist, it wouldn’t be all that difficult. You would observe and mimic, and you’d be able to pull off a convincing act most of the time.

Most of the time.

But it would be impossible to maintain that act all of the time. Clues to the real person behind your theatrical mask would inevitably be revealed.


Reality, Denied: GASLIGHTING

Reality, Denied: GASLIGHTING

“I NEVER said that!” 

(my psychopathic ex)

The entire “relationship” with my psychopathic ex was one long episode of gaslighting, as they are for all of us.

“Gaslighting” is a term commonly used to describe behavior that is inherently manipulative. At its core, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that makes you doubt your own perceptions of reality. The term gaslighting is inspired by the film “Gas Light,” where a husband purposely and systematically manipulates his wife in order to make her feel crazy.

Many of us failed to spot someone was playing this insidious mind game with us, and until we fully understand it, there is a risk that it could happen again.


In the Aftermath: GRIEF

In the Aftermath: GRIEF

The person you loved—maybe more than you ever loved anyone before—and who loved you just as much, is gone from your life, never to return. Of course you’re grieving.

But wait a minute, you tell yourself. You shouldn’t be grieving because you know this person didn’t really love you, and, in fact, your soul mate didn’t even really exist at all. You know now that after the glorious beginning, your relationship slowly became an ever-worsening emotional hell because of manipulation and from being treated with a stunning lack of empathy by  person who was incapable of it, and who was also unable to love.

What are you supposed to do with that? (more…)

Fear, Hatred and Superstition VS Empowerment

Fear, Hatred and Superstition VS Empowerment


Early on in my trauma,

I felt incredibly and unbearably vulnerable. And I hated the psychopath I’d been involved with. In fact, I hated all psychopaths. I feared them, too. They terrified me. I felt there might be one lurking behind every bush and every smiling face. I felt paranoid; every time I interacted with someone I drilled my eyes into them, searching for some kind of sign. For a short time, I believed the one I’d known may very well have been the devil himself (something I’d never even believed existed before).

All of those feelings were normal reactions to the trauma I’d experienced. And all of them resolved eventually, because they could not co-exist with empowerment.


Never Get Involved with a Psychopath, Narcissist, Sociopath—Or Any Abuser—Ever Again

Never Get Involved with a Psychopath, Narcissist, Sociopath—Or Any Abuser—Ever Again


None of us wants to be involved in another abusive relationship. How can we prevent it? I regularly hear from people who want to know the difference between narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths and how to tell them apart. They want to know what to look for, in order to prevent another abusive relationship.

I propose another solution, one that is simpler and much more effective, and that doesn’t require us to become some sort of experts in diagnosing mental health disorders.


Curiosity Killed the Cat: The Harbingers of Intuition

Curiosity Killed the Cat: The Harbingers of Intuition


He captured my attention, right away.

25 px blank spaceI didn’t know why. All he was doing was leaning casually against a wall in the back of the room, hands in his pockets, chewing a piece of gum and looking down at his shoe. He certainly wasn’t someone I’d normally take special notice of; there was nothing about the way he looked or dressed or acted that stood out to me, and he was much older than anyone I’d be interested in, in a romantic sense. He didn’t seem to be paying any attention to me. I remember wondering what it was about him that caught my eye and made me so curious.

I learned the hard way what “curiosity killed the cat” truly means.


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