EMPATHY: What It Is and Why You Need It

EMPATHY: What It Is and Why You Need It

  “One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.” (Charles M. Blow)   Many of you reading this have been involved with someone who had no empathy, and you have experienced the harm...
Dark Night of the Collective Soul

Dark Night of the Collective Soul

“There is no anchor any more. At the core of the administration of the most powerful country on earth, there is, instead, madness.” ~ Andrew Sullivan, “The Madness of King Donald,” The New Yorker It came as a twilight, an eerie dusk whose faded...
MASS MANIPULATION: How Did it Happen?

MASS MANIPULATION: How Did it Happen?

“In a time of deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” (George Orwell, 1984) Something bizarre is going on. Every day, there is more drama. Everywhere, despite mounting evidence, people are denying facts. At every turn, we hear words unbound by truth or...
TOPSY-TURVY WORLD

TOPSY-TURVY WORLD

I once wrote here that “in the psychopath’s world, things are topsy-turvy. The psychopath sees our strengths as flaws, and sees his flaws as strengths. Things like love and trust and compassion make us fools who are easy to manipulate, while their ability to...
In the Aftermath: GRIEF

In the Aftermath: GRIEF

The person you loved—maybe more than you ever loved anyone before—and who loved you just as much, is gone from your life, never to return. Of course you’re grieving. But wait a minute, you tell yourself. You shouldn’t be grieving because you...
Fear, Hatred and Superstition VS Empowerment

Fear, Hatred and Superstition VS Empowerment

Early on in my trauma, I felt incredibly and unbearably vulnerable. And I hated the psychopath I’d been involved with. In fact, I hated all psychopaths. I feared them, too. They terrified me. I felt there might be one lurking behind every bush and every smiling...
The Psychopath: An Empty Boat

The Psychopath: An Empty Boat

If a man is crossing a river And an empty boat collides with his own boat, He will not become very angry. But if he sees a man in the boat, He will shout to him to steer clear. And if the shout is not heard he will shout Again, and yet again, and begin cursing –...
Your Feedback is Needed for Doctoral Research

Your Feedback is Needed for Doctoral Research

Your input is needed for a study on survivors of abusive romantic relationships with psychopaths and narcissists. This is a valuable opportunity to share your experience with a researcher who understands, and who wants to learn more. I have already taken the study and...
Feeling Crazy? Unstable? Unhinged?

Feeling Crazy? Unstable? Unhinged?

If you weren’t “crazy,” unstable or *borderline before you were involved with an abusive manipulator, chances are good that you aren’t now. But after being blamed and called crazy by the abuser, disbelieved by family and friends, and perhaps...
Love Not Bombs: LOVE BOMBING

Love Not Bombs: LOVE BOMBING

You’ve finally found “the one.” Your relationship seems otherworldly, and your emotional high is so high it feels as if you’ve taken a potent, euphoria-inducing drug. You believe you’ve found your soulmate and can’t believe your good...
First, Do No Harm: Abusive Psychotherapists

First, Do No Harm: Abusive Psychotherapists

ALL IMAGES IN THIS POST ARE BY CDD20 | 愚木混株| SHANGHAI, CHINA   When reaching out for help after an abusive relationship, some people end up being re-traumatized by a therapist. Others sustained their initial trauma from an abusive therapist. Recently, I heard...
Others Have It Worse Than Me: SELF-INVALIDATION

Others Have It Worse Than Me: SELF-INVALIDATION

When I was small my mother told me, “Finish your dinner! There are children starving in Africa.” I promptly suggested that we box up my dinner, along with some of the food in the pantry, and send it to them. After all, how was finishing my dinner going to...
Psychopathy… Or Asperger’s Syndrome?

Psychopathy… Or Asperger’s Syndrome?

“Talking with my ex-husband is like smashing my head against a wall or drowning in a river. We were not speaking the same language and misunderstandings were the rule. I learned the hard way what Asperger Syndrome was.” ~ Anonymous...
Hallelujah! The Peace and Healing of Acceptance

Hallelujah! The Peace and Healing of Acceptance

“It is so. It cannot be otherwise.” ~ Inscription on the Ruins of a 15th Century Cathedral in Amsterdam   What is acceptance? And how can it help you heal from the trauma of psychopathic victimization? Acceptance is, put simply, the acknowledgement of reality....
Warning Others: Will It Work?

Warning Others: Will It Work?

“Thank God I’m not the only one, but what can we do as a collective to warn people about these sick individuals so they don’t keep harming others?” ~ A comment from a reader   Her question is a good one. None of us were warned about the...
Why You? And How Did You Get Trapped?

Why You? And How Did You Get Trapped?

“Why me? And how did I get trapped?” ~ A Reader   All of us asked ourselves these questions. It’s important to try and answer them. Why you? Psychopaths can sense who will be receptive.  What made you receptive? The answer to that question is...
Is He or Isn’t He? Why It Doesn’t Matter

Is He or Isn’t He? Why It Doesn’t Matter

Dole or Chiquita? Either way, this guy’s bananas. Is he or isn’t he? That is the question. Or is it? “We had a fight, and I can see that he is genuinely feeling awful from the pics he posts of himself on FB. I know there are different levels of...
Invalidation: I Refuse to Have This Discussion!

Invalidation: I Refuse to Have This Discussion!

“When we invalidate people or deny their perceptions and personal experiences, we make mental invalids of them. When one’s feelings are denied a person can be made to feel crazy even when they are perfectly mentally healthy.” (R.D. Laing, MD, psychiatrist)...
The Self-Compassion Effect

The Self-Compassion Effect

Step outside yourself for a moment, if you will, and turn and look at yourself. There you are, the ‘you’ who was mistreated and who is now treating yourself so harshly, who is feeling shame, despair, doubt, outrage, confusion, self-doubt, deep sadness,...
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