Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestShare on RedditShare on LinkedInShare on TumblrShare on StumbleUponFlattr the authorBuffer this pageDigg thisEmail this to someone

little-red-riding-hood-gustave-dore copy What Readers Say About Psychopaths and Love

“I cannot even begin to tell you how thankful I am to have stumbled across this website. You have put an enormous amount of time and effort into helping others see the truth.” Anon

“What an amazing blog, the words on these pages have given more relief and answers to the pain I have felt and the mystery of the appalling and baffling behaviour of my Ex than anything I have found so far. Thank you to the Author, for the wonderful service that your in valuable work is providing.” A.W.

“Wow. Wisdom that creates Peace. These are stunning revelations that clicked…Not so dizzy now. A million thank yous.” E.H.

“ANOTHER BULLS EYE! I am so much wiser in just a few months by reading your emails…Because of this new-found wisdom from your emails, I see people as they are, not as my emotions color them. With each email I receive from you, my world is becomes a more harmonious place. I am able to steer clear from the worst problems that psychopaths can create in my life before I get entangled with them. KEEP THEM COMING, I AM FOREVER GRATEFUL!” Jane

“I thank you for doing this site. I found it when I needed it most. It was a blessing. Even today, your writing was perfect timing. Please keep it up. The information is and has been helpful to me and a friend. Most people do not understand emotional rape. Again, your site is a blessing. Thank you.” KT

“Thank you for providing the space and impetus for logical discussion on what is a tremendous problem for mankind.” Baglady

“I feel as though I stumbled upon this blog and the information contained it in through divine intervention. I have been in this type of relationship for almost 4 years now as a victim…I feel hope since I found this information. Thank you from the bottom of my heart…I pray your ministry helps others as it has me.” Tracy from Ohio

“It is fitting on this day before Thanksgiving to thank you so much for showing me the light! I found you yesterday and am so grateful to you. Thank you for your courage to come forward and share with the rest of us. Thank you for touching so many. May you enjoy peace and love.” Gail S.

“I want to thank you so much, this website has finally given me the strength to stand up to the person who has been controlling me for about 10 years now. I want to preface this by saying I have a masters degree in clinical psychology and have diagnosed patients at my assessment practicum with psychopathy, no one is immune to being conned in this way, especially if you have never been down this road before…it wasn’t until I read your blog that I was able to identify exactly what was going on. Again, thank you…This website is extremely well written and comprehensive. I commend your making this website, you are helping so many. I have passed this website along to my clients, as well as to my therapist.” Michele L.

“I can’t say it enough how this site has kept me from completely losing it, I honestly don’t know how I could be keeping it together now if not for the insights gained here. Thank you again for providing the only safe haven I have at this time in my life.” Rob

“I have been visiting for about 2 months, this site has been so revealing, healing and I’m sure saving lives & happiness. I wish I knew then, what I know now–it’s all about awareness & support. Thank You for offering such a blessed resource & for service through this media. This site has helped me come to terms & begin healing—hopefully have better radar now. Prayers for all those coming to terms with the reality of their situations and recovery. May you be continually blessed in this service.” EmpathicLove

“I cannot tell you how much this has helped me today. I cannot get anything done because I can’t stop reading! …My eyes are finally opened – maybe a bit late, but still opened.” SuckerNoMore

“I just want you to know what a valuable service you’ve provided by creating this site. I stumbled upon it the other day while doing some research on psychopathy in an attempt to understand how the individual I was involved with could do all the things he did. It was such a relief to realize, after reading several of your posts, that this monster who had me believing he was one in a million is actually just one OF a million… psychopaths. He’s no more than a common, predictable set of symptoms and patterns. He fits the mold perfectly. I understand better than ever now that none of this was my fault; that he targeted me; and that the mental anguish he put me through was something I could not have resisted if I tried… because I could never be someone who thinks the way he does. Your information helped me realize that fully and take that last step of discarding any last little attempt to “reconcile” the unthinkable.” L.B.

“Thank you for making me feel sane again.” Tom

“I wish I had read this years ago; it would have saved me money, heartbreak and pain. I met one eight years ago and I believed I was with the man of my dreams. It’s been a nightmare. I often wondered how I got caught up in this crap but reading about it has open my eyes.” Michelle

“I truly believe this info saved my life! I thank God I found it and I thank God you are eloquent enough to cut right through to all the things I have been experiencing with this monster but was never able to verbalize! it felt like you were speaking directly to me! Thank you again for all the incredibly insightful info.” Duped

“After countless sessions with a therapist this makes more simplistic sense of what I had been going through in marriage. Very insightful and I wish the readers acknowledged. Wellness.” Eric

“Thank you for a brilliant and concise definition of a psychopath. This information is the best I have seen on this topic…I now know I am not crazy. Thank you.” Gail

“I have no words but thank you so very much!” Anthony

♥ Many thanks and much heartfelt appreciation for your kind words

Psychopaths and love.

What do psychopaths have to do with love if they aren’t even capable of loving?

This website is for people victimized in false relationships with predators known as psychopaths.

Popular media creates the beliefs that psychopaths are extremely rare (they’re not) and that they’re all sadistic killers (some are). But the very real possibility exists that you could find yourself in a relationship with a psychopath who duped you into believing s/he loved youand that if you do, the outcome will be not be good.

Psychopaths are calculating social predators who are out and about in society and who may be found living in your neighborhood, working in your workplace, or even sleeping in your bed.

This website is based on my personal experience with a psychopath and the research and reading I did and continue to do in the aftermath.

Find out what a psychopath is, how to spot the red flags of a psychopath, how to know if you’re being subject to covert emotional abuse, learn if you’re a victim of devastating emotional rape (if you’ve been with a psychopath, you are), and learn about healing after a relationship with a psychopath. Read some illuminating quotes about psychopaths that sum up the danger that they are.

There is also an extensive list of resources in the sidebar to help you find the information you need. These resources were valuable to me, and I hope they will be for you, too.

book cover, psychopaths and love

400_yellow_boundaries_cover_3 copy

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestShare on RedditShare on LinkedInShare on TumblrShare on StumbleUponFlattr the authorBuffer this pageDigg thisEmail this to someone

23 comments on “Home

  1. KitKat on said:

    I’ve just spent the last 18 months of my life totally convinced that I was crazy, that it was my fault that my husband of almost exactly 16 years left us in June of 2013.

    Now, I understand that I did not even KNOW this man, and I still don’t. He swept me off my feet in 1996; it was all the usual stuff (“I’ve always loved you, I didn’t approach you because you were in another relationship, you are my soulmate, it will be forever, I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, no one has ever looked after me like you do…..”).

    When I started asking too many questions, he became uncomfortable. Then the discoveries about his promiscuity began. The coldness, the distance, the wounding remarks and the GASLIGHTING were all too much to bear. I very, very nearly “lost it”, and had it not been for my sister as well as a very accomplished psychologist, I doubt that I would be sitting here enjoying my coffee and writing this reply today. Alcohol became a good friend of mine and, let me tell you, I didn’t count too many of the wine corks for quite a while.

    Yesterday marked a milestone in my journey. I finally said the WORD. Sociopath. I said it to my psychologist. She agrees, and she told me that I have taken a very huge step towards more objective thinking. I need to observe the events now, and try not let them re-run continuously, like an old movie. Because if I let him, he’ll bait me again, and again, and again until he drills my head into the ground. Why is he mad at me? Because I’m the first woman who figured him out. I cracked his shell. He’s horrified.

    Somehow, some way, I will get my self-esteem back. I will learn to trust the male species again. I will shore up my finances which, because of him, are now a complete disaster. I will take care of my son who, at the age of 12 just told me on Sunday night that he has no idea if his father loves him. We will help each other.

    • All the best to you and your son. Warm wishes to you both.

      • OMG,I finally had the nerve to leave my first love from high scohol 8 years after on and off abuse. I hung on to that relationship for dear life. Luckily it spawned no children but when I finally tore myself from that relationship and felt as if I severed a limb or limbs doing it and I promised myself just one year of an attempt to live without him as I didn’t understand the abuse or why I made him so angry , I said one year and if at the end of that one year I couldn’t live without him, I would crawl back on my hands on and knees. It was the only way I knew how to get out of the clenches that picked up where my family of origin left off. I was healing.I pulled up to my house where I lived with friends who I’d known for many years and a song was playing. The band was Boston and the song was The man I’ll never be . I sat in front of that house with that song cranked and cried. I had heard it a multitude of times prior but I heard the lyrics loud and clear and cried.I still didn’t get. I just knew it was him . Part of me probably didn’t want to believe it and another part of me didn’t understand it as I had no concept of psychopath or sociopath but to this day it was him .I so get it now and it ended up being the father of my child in the future of which I am fighting for my childs life against in family court.Reading this and the references just brought that all back to me. They know. They always have and they act with intent. They do know what they do contrary to he knows not what he is doing statement my mother always said.WOW!Thanks for helping that get completely through my thick my skull decades later! lolLillian,Don’t succumb to those thoughts of the ropes and such. I saw myself swan diving off the overpasses of the freeways for the first 2 years of family court and was scared to drive on the freeways. It passed and I never thought it would. I am ok and I am not recovered but I am not there anymore and it is amazing how many times we’ll make the mistakes in this life before the pieces come together but believe me, they can come together late instead of never. I am living proof. When you are in the thick of it, it seems like there’s no surviving it but there is. Food tasted literally like cardboard and I would chew and swallow just to stay alive and so I wouldn’t look too broken in court to care for my child. Somehow somewhere food tastes like food again. I never thought I would survive this. Really. But I have and bit by bit it’s getting better.Be well and kind to yourself.Eralyn

        • All the best to you and your child. May you prevail in family court.

          Yes, somehow we survive and go on. You be well too, Eralyn. Best wishes to you, and thank you for your comment.

  2. This is vary sad. One of the scars from a Sociopath is the events going over and over in your mind. Because the events are so unreal.It has been four years since a Sociopath was in my life and I still have this problem. I’m sorry for you and your son, Sociopaths don’t love any one. Love is what makes you human.

    • The years we devote our lives to the monsters out there is unbelievable. I thought my story was so unique that no one would see it.

      • It’s far from unique, yet it came as a surprise to each of us. It doesn’t matter who I talk to or what I write — those who haven’t yet been victimized will remain vulnerable. Their seems to be some great, unbridgeable divide between those of us on this side, and those still on the other side. Some of them will inevitably end up here. All I can say is that even if I received all the warnings in the world, I still would have thought I’d met the love of my life. Now we know, and we can devote our lives to things a lot better than monsters.

  3. Confused on said:

    DAV, I agree with you! Love is what makes you human and because we have the ability to love, we cannot fathom their behavior or how they not know what they do is evil, nor care for that matter. It hurts me for them. For their families and for myself because I still tell myself my love will save him. Just put a wrapper on my head and call me SUCKER!

    • No one is going to put a wrapper on your head and call you sucker. But I will share a comment I got today from another reader:

      “…I was married to him for 39 years, have two beautiful children, and loving grandchildren. I applaud anyone who makes the move and gets out of the situation. I was so very browbeaten. I had nothing of myself left–I had to leave, because I knew the real me was buried under that pile of crap so very deeply. I didn’t know if I could afford to leave; he had control of the finances, he had everything in his name, nothing was “mine”, but God helped me, and I got out; I put the down payment on a house, I moved to a small town close by because I had a job there, I became independent. It was a hard struggle–make no mistake on that, but I am worth it–I truly am! I learned how to pay the bills, how to manage finances, how to stand up for myself, how to make good friends; I’d love to help anyone who needs to find the backbone to leave. I am a walking miracle! I have this on my bulletin board: Don’t waste one more day! Take care of yourself. You are worth it!”

  4. A year ago I found this site and realized I had been involved with a psychopath. It was after learning about him through what I read here, that I was finally able to leave him. I am forever grateful.

  5. I have been in an abusive relationship for nearly 15 years. Even in the early stage, he showed signs of being controlling. He would call 10 times within an hour on my landline looking for me. Soon after, if I did not answer my cell on the first ring, he would swear at me and be accusatory. I had to give up my girlfriends and could not talk to any male friends. By then, I moved in with him. He kicked me out when angered. He was even more controlling. Mothers Day, 2004, he calls and don’t hear the phone as I am having lunch with my daughters. When I finally pick up, he swears and I put my daughter on the phone so he knows I am with them. That night, my daughter comes over and grabs my belongings and tell me,”you need to get out.” Of course, I still love him, so during the 1 1/2 year we broke up, I continue to see him on his terms. I go back and live with him, and he doesn’t use his initial controlling antics and I think he’s changed. Now, it’s the blaming, the mind games, the isolation, the silent treatment, the punishment, cruel devastating harsh words, angry looks, telling me to get out of his house and that I just won’t leave, which he always kicks me out. I’m scared of him, he’s not approachable, I have to carefully choose words when talking to him. Years go by, and the treatment and punishment gets worse and I am miserable, so quietly leave on November 12th, when he’s not at home, still thinking if only I did not do this or that. I have left this relationship about 5-7 times before but I initiated the calls to him and everything was on his terms. Although I’ve read this incredible article and learned the characteristics of the abuser and other info that I was not aware of, I’m stuck in denial and grief. I’ve gained the knowledge, see a therapist and attend a support group, and am so depressed that I’ve lost an incredible amount of weight, still miss him despite knowing he’s an abuser, have no drive to do a thing but stay in bed all day, and afraid that I can’t get over him. So, now that I understand his innate and insidious character, what else must I do to severe the bondage I let him hold to me?
    Thank you.

    • Alison, you took an incredible step on November 12th (my birthday, by the way!) — You left. You’re seeing a therapist and going to a support group. You’re reading. You understand his character. Before you do anything else, please realize how amazing this is after only five weeks away from him! You’re determined. Your logical mind knows what the answer is, but you’re fighting your addiction to him. This is good. Don’t give up — you’re half way there.

      The most important thing is to have NO CONTACT at all with him. Yes, it is exactly like going cold turkey. You do it to save your own life. Block his number, his email, his facebook, everything. Doing this will give you the time and space you need to gain clarity and strength.

      The bondage you’re experiencing is known as a Trauma Bond. If you haven’t already, please learn about traumatic bonding. Here are a few links to get you started:

      The Addictive Trauma Bond

      The Betrayal Bond

      Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser

      Give yourself time — It takes time. Please come back and let me know how you’re doing, OK? I’m rooting for you. Best wishes.

  6. I am recently out of a 3+ year relationship with my fiance. I am a mother of two (from a previous marriage) and in therapy now. Everyday is a struggle. My kids loved him and like all of you, I believed he was my soul mate. I was the perfect victim…lost my sister to cancer, then found out my son has muscular dystrophy and finally divorced my alcoholic husband of 17 years. I was vulnerable and looking for someone to love me. This man comes into my life and all my friends and family are so happy for me because I am a good person to EVERYONE and I deserve happiness. Everyone loved him, he was such a great guy and does so much for charities. It was pure bliss in the beginning until I discovered his infidelities…then the emotional, sexual and sometimes physical abuse began. I blamed myself, I was stuck because I didn’t want it to end. Now it’s over, he has moved onto his next victim. I am broken and afraid. I have blocked him but he lives in my community. His relatives are all around me. I fear he wants to destroy me when all I’ve done is love him. How do you reach out and talk about it? I feel trapped and alone because if word gets back to him, he’ll target me. His own sisters fear him. His ex wife is hiding from him…I can’t move away. I am a teacher in the community. What do I do?

    • My heart goes out to you. I can tell you’re in the thick of it right now, and I want to reassure you that things will get better. You’re wise to be careful about who you speak to. Even though everyone should know the truth about these people and they should be driven from the community, that isn’t realistic. The important thing is YOU — your safety, your children, your job. Remember that most people will not believe you if you tell them he’s a psychopath anyway, so limit that to a very select few. Only speak to people you absolutely trust. Your therapist, a sibling, a long-time best friend. Instead, speak to people who have been through a similar experience. Tell your story here, like you’ve done, or chat with others on Lovefraud or a similar site. Please be very careful if you do; not all the advice is helpful, and it is possible to be re-victimized. But many people have found the support and validation they need online, so it is an option. In my case I wanted him to stay out of my life, first and foremost, so I could regain my peace of mind, and that meant not being a threat to him. I realized the futility — and possible consequences — of talking about him or warning others. All the best to you and your children, JL.

  7. Duchess on said:

    One woman has recently come out with her true story about how she met a man who pretended to be “just a normal guy.” He told her he was single and a virgin, he loved her and wanted to “lose his virginity” to her. Turns out he is a married religious leader public figure…and psychopath. Story here: http://www.kmlessing.is She talks a lot about topics that are rarely discussed: men’s accountability for their sexual behavior and the abuse of spirituality to seduce women.

    • Thank you for sharing that — I’ll take a look at it. Abuse of spirituality is more common than it seems. In fact, one of the top 10 professions for psychopaths is clergy.

  8. Carolyn on said:

    I ONLY WISH I COULD GIVE YOU A HUG!!! thank you for sharing about the amount of ABUSE suffered from the CLERGY! The victims who come forward are COURAGEOUS ! I am a Christian and sadly, ADMIN, those statistics are “spot on” about the higher rate among Clergy! BRAVO TO YOU ADMIN !!

  9. I have intensely researched psychopaths since I left my psychopathic relationship almost two years ago. I applaud you and this amazing site. The information you provide and the way you deliver it is so accurate and helpful. For example: I had never read about the psychopath’s “purification process” and why it is essential for the psychopath to restore his sense of being superior. You have newly enlightened me! Also, you are so accurate when you speak about certain psychopath forums that invite open discussion. I have witnessed participants being devalued and discarede on these forums for not “toeing the line” and acting in complete accordance to the dictate of the moderators. The sites compound the psychopathic abuse! Other participants. on these sites, bully as well. Anyway, thank you! I appreciate your wisodome and research enormously. You have helped me in my healing from psychopathic abuse. PS. I am trying to subscribe, but the promts are not working.

    • Thank you, Dee! I’m so glad the information here is helping you! The info about psychopaths restoring their grandiosity, etc, comes from The Psychopathic Mind: Origins, Dynamics, and Treatment by Reid J. Meloy, PhD. (If you’re interested in reading it I suggest you try to get it from a library, because of the price.)

      Sorry about the problem subscribing — I’ll try to figure out what’s going on. I usually write a new post about once a week or so.

      Thank you for your kind words; they are sincerely appreciated. I wish you all the best in your ongoing recovery.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Thank you for your comment! It will be held for moderation before publishing, but it should be online soon.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>